My first day at the office in my new role was……a little disappointing and tiresome. I came to know straight away that I would be flung head first into a big project that would need my utmost attention for the next few days and thus starts my trial by fire. But that is not the reason for my dissatisfaction.

First there is the hurt feelings of one of my colleagues, and now a member of my team, and the way she is acting out because of it. One the one hand I understand and would like to support her but I know that her arguments are baseless. I may have to keep aside blind loyalty and be a little firm because in the end she is going to enjoy some benefits. That will come later, perhaps 3 months down the line. I shall wait it out for a few days.

I also feel like an imposter, a fraud and a hypocrite. I am taking up the role of someone I greatly admire & love and I am not comfortable in doing so. I know that she is extremely happy that it is me who is replacing her and that she is proud of me. But I feel a bit….I dunno, its going to take quit a bit of getting used to. And then, in the aftermath of the phone call that I had this morning and my feelings of being confused! Did I hear it right or is it just wishful thinking? I am not sure, I can’t be sure of what she said.

In the evening at 5 o’clock, one of my closest friends and someone in the team and who adores the same person, sat with me while we had coffee and showed me a message that she was sent. ‘(person’s name) please take care of Roshan. He is very emotional right now, so please take care of him’! That was more than I could bear for a single day.

I just spoke to her as she waits at the airport for her flight which leaves in 90 minutes. I may never see her again. For the first time I was able to tell her that I love her and that I will always carry her in my heart. And how proud I am to have known her and spent this past year working with her and how much richer I am to have known her. I know she must leave and it breaks my heart. She was crying and sobbing as she told me of the things she is sorry to leave behind. And how she wants me to take care of myself and be happy.

• Pittsburgh Penguins sign Ruslan Fedotenko & Miroslav Satan
• New York Rangers sign Markus Naslund & Dmitri Kalinin
• Montreal Canadiens sign Georges Laraque & Marc Denis
• San Jose Sharks sign Rob Blake
• New York Islanders sign Doug Weigh
• Ottawa Senators add Jarkko Ruutu
• Detroit Red Wings sign Marian Hossa

I got promoted to the post of training team lead. I have no emotion left in me to explain how I feel about it. It has been a tough last 3-4 days, filled with waiting so long for the selection process to get over. There were only 5 people who had applied for the post and we just had a test, two presentations & a personal interview as part of the selection. However, it dragged on for three days and it took a toll on a couple of the others and me. We also had our appraisals happening at the same time. Plus with the team lead leaving us - it has just been too much to taken in.

So here I am! I don’t think that there is anyone in the world who is this sad on his promotion! I wasn’t sure if I wanted the post. Now I am just too numb to react. Infact I got a few people asking me if I was surprised or stunned and why I didn’t look happy at all. I am just too emotionally wrecked right now to even comprehend the promotion. But I will be heading straight into work tomorrow morning and taking down things I need to get done.

I have to let you go, but I need not like it

I have to bid you farewell, but I won’t say good-bye

So many words but I don’t know what to say

Only thing certain is that I only have today

We had a farewell dinner for our team lead who is leaving for her hometown of Mumbai on Friday. I may never see her again and that is a thought that weighs heavy on my mind and on the minds of some of my teammates. It is with heavy hearts that we will be bidding her farewell but we all know that she has to be with her family and since her dad & sister are going through tough times at the moment, she & her mom (who was staying with her here in Cochin) just have to go back.

By 9 pm we left for Hotel Renaisannce in two cars and waited for 4 of the guys who were coming on their bikes. We had also sent them to go and buy our departing team lead a gift. Once we had settled down and sat at our huge table and we were served soup. A bit after that we went to fill our plates and sat talking while we ate. We gave her the gift and teased her a bit (calling it her 45th birthday present and ofcourse I had to joke about how good plastic surgery is these days) and had a nice time. We went off in different directions at the end of the evening and here I am in my room feeling miserable because I have to say goodbye to her tomorrow.

On Canada Day, July 1st, the first day of free agency, the usual trades started pouring in and man there are some changes!

• Andrew Brunette, who played the last 3 years for the Colorado Avalanche, moves back to the Minnesotta Wild.
• Minnesotta also traded Marek Zidlicky, an offensive-minded defenseman acquired for prospect forward Ryan Jones and a 2009 second-round draft pick.
• Wade Redden, for so long an Ottawa Senator, signs on as a free agent with the New York Rangers
• The Tampa Bay Lightning are the most active team; they signed Gary Roberts, Ryan Malone, Olaf Kolzig, Adam Hall, Radim Vrbata & Vaclav Prospal
• The Chicago Blackhawks added Brian Campbell to their lineup. The star defenceman has signed on for a 8 year deal worth $ 56.8 million. Goalie Cristobal Huet also joins him in Chicago.
• The Florida Panthers signed on Cory Stillman, who had played for the Ottawa Senators & the Carolina Hurricanes last season.
• The Edmonton Oilers traded Raffi Torres to the Columbus Blue Jackets for Gilbert Brule and also sent Joni Pitkanen to Carolina for Erik Cole.
• The Oilers also traded Jarret Stoll, who on Sunday was dealt to Los Angeles along with Matt Greene in exchange for puck-moving defenseman Lubomir Visnovsky.
• Former Hart Trophy winner, Jose Theodore signs on with the Washington capitals.
• Bobby Holik & Brian Rolston join the New Jersey Devils
• Two former Toronto Maple Leafs players Darcy Tucker & Andrew Raycroft have joined the Avalanche
• Michael Ryder signs on with the Boston Bruins
• Toronto brought back Curtis Joseph and also signed Jeff Finger & Niklas Hagman
• Patrick Lalime signs on with the Buffalo Sabres
• Defenceman Mark Streit lands up in New York (Islanders)
• Ottawa sign goalie Alex Auld

Amy from Blogged.com sent me an email a few minutes ago. I had submitted my blog to their site quite a while back, to be reviewed and rated.

They have given me a score of 8.3 (out of 10) in the personal blogs category. The evaluation was done based on  Frequency of Updates, Relevance of Content, Site Design, Design & Writing Style.

See for yourselves:

http://www.blogged.com/blogs

or http://www.blogged.com/blogs/awake-dreaming.html.

Just two more days.

Some crushes stay on forever and I have a few of my own. Like, Rosanna Arquette. I first saw her in Desperately Seeking Susan and then in After Hours. This must have been 20 years ago and the young Ms. Arquette is now 48 years old. But she still is one of my favourite actresses. I will stop to watch a movie of hers if its being shown on HBO or Star Movies or any other cable channel. My favourite role of hers is of ‘Roberta Glass’ in Desperately Seeking Susan. She was also great in a smallish role as the hateful wife in The Whole 9 Yards. Whichever role she has played, she has done it full justice and had she not gone to act in independent movies shot in Europe for so many years, she would have been bigger news in Hollywood. The reason I blogged about her is because I was a clip of her from the 1996 movie Crash.

Yes! The latest version of the best browser in the world was downloaded 8 million times in the first 24 hours of it being made available to the users across the globe! And yes ofcourse it is free. Firefox 3 was initially downloaded 1 million times by the 4 hour mark and Mozilla has declared victory after exceeding its initial goal of 5 million downloads. The server logs and download information will be given to an independent review board consisting of Corey Shields and Paul Vixie, which will then conduct a thorough audit, weed out duplicate and incomplete downloads, and determine an exact number, which will then be submitted as a Guinness Book Of World Records contender.

And I was one of the 8 million! I downloaded my copy by the 20th hour!

• Tomorrow marks the most important day of my professional life and one of the saddest in my personal life. I will be writing a test, giving a presentation & have an interview round to see if I am fit for promotion.
• Lots of meetings & reviews, comings & goings at the office
• My team members and I have bought our departing team lead two sarees on behalf of the company. We also plan on pooling our money and getting her something else to gift her on Wednesday.
• I ordered a pizza (home delivery) for the very first time in my life! It was a Chicken supreme from Pizza Hut and it was expensive, delicious & very filling. I had that on Saturday.
• My grandmother’s will was read today, after a memorial in her honour.
• My i-pod shuffle was missing for 3 days and presumed lost forever. I found it among my laundry.
• I am now officially using Firefox 3 at home.

Hearts In Atlantis is a 1999 published book by celebrated author Stephen King. It consists of 2 novellas and 3 short stories, each in chronological order and connected to each other. King’s depiction of the 1960’s generation, in his view, as promising so much yet under-achieving is evident here as is the looming figure of the Vietnam War and its prolonged effect. The novel starts with the story of Bobby Garfield, a 11 year old boy, whose widowed mother is subjected to sexual torture by her boss & his cronies. Bobby befriends the newcomer in town, Ted an elderly man who is hiding from the low men in yellow coats. This novella is the only part in which the horror/sci-fi/supernatural element appears, albeit in small doses. John Sullivan & Carol Gerber are Bobby’s childhood friends. In the second novella, narrated by Peter Riley, we learn of a group of college students who while their time away playing Hearts, an addictive card game for pennies. Carol is the now 18 year old girl who Pete falls for. Getting good grades in college, which is a kind of Atlantis, is the only escape from the army draft & the Vietnam war.

Next is Will Shearman, a Vietnam war veteran, who disguises himself as a blind beggar making hundreds of dollars in donations. He keeps the bills for himself and gives the rest to charities. Will, who saved John’s life in Vietnam, used to be Willie, a bully who picked on John, Carol & Bobby.

Next we see John Sullivan, much older going to the funeral of a fellow Nam vet and speaking about why they were in the war with another veteran. On his way back, Sullivan dies of an heart attack while stuck in a traffic jam. This leads us to the conclusion and last story - Bobby Garfield returns to his hometown to attend Sullivan’s funeral. This is his first visit in 40 years, yet he finds closure to his relationships with Carol Gerber and Ted Brautigan.

The first novella was adapted into a movie starring Anthony Hopkins in 2001 called Hearts In Atlantis.

As most of you readers know, I love coffee. For the others, just click on the category named Coffee and you will know. I enjoy my cup, whether hot or cold, and I like taking my time with it, unlike a lot of people who just gulp it down in a couple of seconds (how do they do it with hot coffee, I shall never understand). What I want in my coffeeshop is excellent coffee in various different styles. Some cookies, brownies & little snacks to go along with the coffee. A tasty looking menu that has actual images of the type of coffee that are available. Lush carpeting or wooden paneling. Comfy sofas and chairs with neat tables. Attentive & knowledgeable waiters. Decent pricing (I don’t mind spending premium cost on the coffee if its good). Ofcourse the coffeeshop must be in a easy to reach location. Must be airconditioned and roomy. Should be big enough that it doesn’t get crowded if 20 people are sitting at table there. And oh, even more important than the coffee’s taste - do not play stupid Hindi music or dance music and certainly do not play recordings of 3rd rate Indian bands trying to murder rock classics! It was so bad today at Cafe Coffee Day.

On Friday evening after I reached home to spend the weekend alone, I realized that I didn’t have coffee or sugar! What is that word that fits for the moment when you are confronted with a terrible catastrophe, a disaster, a terror, a calamity, a crisis? Name that word and you have the situation that I was in. I had reached late and the shops next to me were closing as I was walking on by. So there was no way that I could get any and I badly wanted a coffee at that time, since it was cold & raining.

The next morning, Saturday, I had to wake up early to get to office before 8 am. The alarm went off at 5 am and I dragged my butt out of the covers and brushed my teeth and washed my face. Barely alive, I made my way to the stove and put the kettle on to boil water and open the cupboard for the coffee & sugar and found both empty and …..aghhhh! Cruel, cruel way to start the day!

I went back to my room and switched the computer on (cause the radiation from the monitor acts just like any stimulant) and tried to read motivational topics and inspiring quotes. It didn’t work, so I went to the bathroom and did my duties. I came back when the back up alarm went off (5:30 am) and sat for what felt like an eternity. Slowly I went back to shave and take a warm bath. I decided to go straight to the office, since I was now running late and as soon as I reached there, I flung my bag on my desk and headed straight to the pantry area so I could get my fix. Ahhh! Disaster avoided.