1. What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say?
Beat it. We’re closed.
2. Why was the guitar teacher arrested?
For fingering a minor.
3. What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?
One’s a Goodyear. The other’s a great year.
4. Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?
He only comes once a year.
5. What did the banana say to the vibrator?
Why are you shaking? She’s gonna eat me!
6. What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit?
A zit will wait until you’re twelve before it comes on your face.
7. What do a penis and a Rubik’s Cubes have in common?
The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
8. What’s the difference between your wife and your job?
After five years, your job will still suck.
9. What’s the difference between anal and oral sex?
Oral sex makes your day. Anal makes your hole weak.
10. How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?
As soon as you open it, you realize it’s half empty.