1. How is God just like a regular man?
If you’re not on your knees, he’s not interested.
2. Abstinence makes the Church grow fondlers.
3. What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common?
Their balls are just for decoration.
4. Why did God create man?
Because a vibrator can’t mow the lawn.
5. If God created man in His own image…
He’s a fucking pervert.
6. Why does everyone pray in the aftermath of a disaster?
Hasn’t God just proved He doesn’t give a fuck?
7. If God sneezes when you meet him, what the hell do you say?
8. My husband and I divorced for religious reasons.
He thought he was God. I didn’t.
9. Don’t forget: If you never sin, Jesus died for nothin’.
10. Bacon proves God has a sense of humor.
He invents the greatest meat in the world, then bans His chosen people from eating it.