- “Lisa, if I’ve learned anything, it’s that life is just one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead.”*
- “Sorry mom, the mob has spoken.”
- “…A little help?”
- “So I said to myself: what would God do in this situation?”
- “The goggles, they do nothing!”
- “And I’m not easily impressed — WOW, A BLUE CAR!”
- “Since the beginning of time, man has yearned to destroy the sun.”
- “Lisa, I’d like to buy your rock.”
- “My son’s name is also Bort.”
- “We’re here! We’re queer! We don’t want any more bears!”
- “There’s an angry mob here to see you, sir.”
- “It’s just like I’ve always said: Democracy doesn’t work.”
- “I’d kill you if I had my gun!”
- “Let’s fight.” “…Them’s fightin’ words!“
- “Freedom! Horrible, horrible freedom!“
- “You’ll pick many a bean.”
- “Woozle wazzle?”
- “Stupid like a fox!”
- “Maybe there is no moral. Maybe it’s just a bunch of stuff that happened.”
- “I’m about to convene another meeting… in bed.”
- “…Jeremy’s iron?”
- “‘Learned,’ son. The word is ‘learned.’”
- “I see you’ve played knifey spooney before.”
- “D’oh!” “A deer!” “A female deer.”
- “Elementary chaos theory shows that all robots must inevitably run amok.”
- “And that little boy who no one liked grew up to be… Roy Cohn.”
- “…Again? This stupid country.”
- “In America, first you get the sugar, then you get the women, then you get the money.”
- “Tramamampoline!”
- “It was a pornography store. I was buying pornography.”
- “Yes! Crisertunity!”
- “There’s bound to be a little splash-back.”
- “Three simple words: I am gay.”
- “Simpson, Homer Simpson/ He’s the greatest guy in history/ From the/ Town of Springfield/ He’s about to hit a chestnut tree.”
- “Ahoy ahoy?”
- “Lord Palmerston!” “…Pitt the Elder.”
- “Are these idiots getting louder or dumber?” “…Louder, sir.”
- “I really like the vest.”
- “That’s the funniest anecdote that I’ve ever heard! Now, why don’t you tell one?”
- “Well, we hit a slight snag when the universe collapsed in on itself.”
- “Abortions for some, miniature American flags for others!”
- “What was I laughing about? Oh, yes. That crippled Irishman.”
- “You’ll release the dogs, or the bees, or the dogs with bees in their mouths, and when they bark, they shoot bees at you?”
- “She’s faking it.”
- “My god! It’s like a party in my mouth and everyone’s invited.”
- “I’m fired, aren’t I?”
- “Don’t criticize the boat!”
- “Disco Stu… likes disco.”
- “Yes! In your face, space coyote!” “…Space coyote?“
- “Worst… episode… ever.”
- “Up and at them!”
- “Aw! Look at that little baby axe!”
- “Yeah, well, we saved your asses in World War III.”
- “Because he gets results, you stupid chief!!!”
- “There’s an adorable little boy here to see you sir.” “…Release the hounds.”
- “Well, Homer. I earned your respect. And all I had to do was save your life. Now, if every other gay person could save your life, we’d be set.”
- “Now they’ll never save your brain, Hitler!”
- “This is a dog who gets biz-ay. Consistently and thoroughly.” “…So he’s proactive?”
- “How ironic.”
- “That does it! Go to your room!”
- “There is one more way to kill a man, but it is as intricate and precise as a well-played game of chess.”
- “We need a name that’s witty at first, but that gets less funny each time you hear it.”
- “In case you didn’t real-ize, I was being sarcastic.”
- “Now, I don’t care, nothing’s going to stop me in the middle of this sente — LEMON TREE?!”
- “Mr. Simpson, I don’t use the word ‘hero’ very often. But you, sir, are the greatest America hero who has ever lived.”
- “You’ve crossed the line from regular villainy into cartoonish super-villainy.”
- “I wish they wouldn’t scream.”
- “Put it in ‘H’!”
- “Sure, the Germans have made a few mistakes, but that’s why pencils have erasers!”
- “C’est Troy bien!”
- “Dig up, stupid!”
- “It looks as though the fox has been caught by exactly the person who was trying to catch it.”
- “The Lincoln Squirrel has been assassinated!”
- “FOX turned into a hardcore sex channel so gradually, I didn’t even notice.”
- “Stop, stop! He’s already dead.”
- “Truly, yours is a butt that will not quit.”
- “Come, family. Let us all bathe in TV’s warm glowing glowy glow.”
- “My boy is a box! Damn you! He’s a box!”
- “You might say, there’s a little Uter in all of us.”
- “No beer and no TV makes Homer go something something.”
- “Is this the end of Zombie Shakespeare?!”
- “Aw, there’s always a canal!”
- “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have stopped to get that haircut.”
- “Keep watching the skis!”
- “I filched it whilst you weren’t looking. And when your back is turned, I’ll do it again.”
- “I like the way this Snrub thinks!”
- “…I was saying ‘Boo-urns.’”
- “I felt such a feeling of power, like God must feel when he’s holding a gun.”
- “Show business is so horribly repetitive. I’ve said the words ‘jimmy-jilkers’ so many times that they’ve lost all meaning.”
- “So one of those Egg Council creeps got to you too, huh?”
- “Good thing I drink plenty of… malk?”
- “This town is a part of us all, a part of us all, a part of us all.”
- “Well, that’s certainly specious reasoning, Dad.” “…Thank you, honey.”
- “Marge, my pet, I haven’t learned a thing.”
- “I call the big one ‘Bitey.’”
- “Wow, with a cool dry wit like that, I could be an action hero.”
- “I noticed that he was wearing sneakers. For… sneaking.”
- “…You’re in direct competition with each other! Fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight!”
- “They’re getting away… very slowly.”
- “…If anyone needs me, I’ll be in my room.”