I wish it would Rain

I wish it would rain right now.

5ive girls dvd

There has been a truly wonderful breeze all day and it kept getting stronger as the day went on. It has been lovely sitting in my apartment all day; so glad I was not feeling all that well and called in sick today. The wind was blowing papers & magazines off the table and the curtains in my room were flying high all over the place. As I went to heat up my lunch, I looked out the kitchen window and it was quite cloudy. I so do hope it is gonna rain cause the nights are usually terrible and rain will really cool things down. I don’t want thunder though. Thunder sucks, thunder stinks. Thunder is a 60 year old whore-bitch with gonorrhea.

By 4 pm I was actually feeling a whole lot better, like my breathing problem hadn’t even started this afternoon. So anyways, being home alone, I wanted to watch a movie, so I downloaded Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle and watched it. So enjoyed it dude; this movie rocks. Plus it was the unedited version so I got to see all the titties in the movie that were cut when they show it on cable here.

Song for the day – “Green Apples” – CHANTAL KREVIAZUK

Beer Troubleshooting Guide

Corrective Action

Feet cold and wet

Glass being held at incorrect angle.
Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.
Feet warm and wet

Improper Bladder Control
Stand next to nearest dog, complain about lack of house training
Beer unusually pale and tasteless
a. Glass empty.
b. You’re holding a Coors Lite
Get someone to buy you another beer

Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights
You have fallen over backward
Have yourself leashed to bar

Mouth contains cigarette butts, back of head covered with ashes
You have fallen forward
See above

Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet
a. Mouth not open
b. Glass applied to wrong part of face
Retire to restroom, practice in mirror

Floor Blurred
You are looking through bottom of empty glass
Get someone to buy you another beer

Floor moving
You are being carried out
Find out if you are being taken to another bar

Room seems unusually dark
Bar has closed
Confirm home address with bartender. If staff is gone, grab a six-
pack to go and hit the nearest fire escape door. Run

Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures
Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations

Cover mouth, open window, stick head outside

Everyone looks up to you and smiles
You are dancing on the table
Fall on someone cushy-looking

Beer is crystal-clear
It’s water! Somebody is trying to sober you up
Punch him

People are standing around urinals, talking or putting on makeup
You’re in the ladies’ room
Do not use urinal! Excuse yourself, exit and try the next door
down the hall. Try to get phone numbers (optional)

Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear
You have been in a fight
Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them

Don’t recognize anyone, don’t recognize the room you’re in
You’ve wandered into the wrong party
See if they have free beer

Your bedroom is painted gray, has a concrete floor and an interesting steel door. Toilet may be conveniently located next to your bunk
a. You’re in jail
b. You’re in the navy
Sleep it off, you can always get out tomorrow. Don’t talk to your new roommate, and under no circumstances sleep on your stomach

You are dancing to a Village People song, and your partner is wearing leather chaps
You’re in a gay bar
Keeping your back to the wall, edge toward nearest exit. Do not accept offers for back rubs

Your singing sounds distorted
The beer is too weak
Have more beer until your voice improves

Don’t remember the words to the song
Beer is just right
Play air guitar