From The Bible

Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a east coast resident, which was posted on the Internet. It’s funny, as well as informative:

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God’s Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them:

When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord – Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness – Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can’t I own Canadians?

I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination – Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don’t agree. Can you settle this?

Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? – Lev.24:10-16. Couldn’t we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God’s word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted fan,

Jim

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I wish it would Rain

I wish it would rain right now.

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There has been a truly wonderful breeze all day and it kept getting stronger as the day went on. It has been lovely sitting in my apartment all day; so glad I was not feeling all that well and called in sick today. The wind was blowing papers & magazines off the table and the curtains in my room were flying high all over the place. As I went to heat up my lunch, I looked out the kitchen window and it was quite cloudy. I so do hope it is gonna rain cause the nights are usually terrible and rain will really cool things down. I don’t want thunder though. Thunder sucks, thunder stinks. Thunder is a 60 year old whore-bitch with gonorrhea.

By 4 pm I was actually feeling a whole lot better, like my breathing problem hadn’t even started this afternoon. So anyways, being home alone, I wanted to watch a movie, so I downloaded Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle and watched it. So enjoyed it dude; this movie rocks. Plus it was the unedited version so I got to see all the titties in the movie that were cut when they show it on cable here.

Song for the day – “Green Apples” – CHANTAL KREVIAZUK

Beer Troubleshooting Guide

Symptom
Cause
Corrective Action

Feet cold and wet

Glass being held at incorrect angle.
Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.
Feet warm and wet

Improper Bladder Control
Stand next to nearest dog, complain about lack of house training
Beer unusually pale and tasteless
a. Glass empty.
b. You’re holding a Coors Lite
Get someone to buy you another beer

Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights
You have fallen over backward
Have yourself leashed to bar

Mouth contains cigarette butts, back of head covered with ashes
You have fallen forward
See above

Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet
a. Mouth not open
b. Glass applied to wrong part of face
Retire to restroom, practice in mirror

Floor Blurred
You are looking through bottom of empty glass
Get someone to buy you another beer

Floor moving
You are being carried out
Find out if you are being taken to another bar

Room seems unusually dark
Bar has closed
Confirm home address with bartender. If staff is gone, grab a six-
pack to go and hit the nearest fire escape door. Run

Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures
Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations

Cover mouth, open window, stick head outside

Everyone looks up to you and smiles
You are dancing on the table
Fall on someone cushy-looking

Beer is crystal-clear
It’s water! Somebody is trying to sober you up
Punch him

People are standing around urinals, talking or putting on makeup
You’re in the ladies’ room
Do not use urinal! Excuse yourself, exit and try the next door
down the hall. Try to get phone numbers (optional)

Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear
You have been in a fight
Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them

Don’t recognize anyone, don’t recognize the room you’re in
You’ve wandered into the wrong party
See if they have free beer

Your bedroom is painted gray, has a concrete floor and an interesting steel door. Toilet may be conveniently located next to your bunk
a. You’re in jail
b. You’re in the navy
Sleep it off, you can always get out tomorrow. Don’t talk to your new roommate, and under no circumstances sleep on your stomach

You are dancing to a Village People song, and your partner is wearing leather chaps
You’re in a gay bar
Keeping your back to the wall, edge toward nearest exit. Do not accept offers for back rubs

Your singing sounds distorted
The beer is too weak
Have more beer until your voice improves

Don’t remember the words to the song
Beer is just right
Play air guitar

Top 10 Reasons to go to work Naked

  1. Your boss is always yelling, “I wanna see your ass in here by 8:00!”
  2. Inventive way to finally meet that hottie in Human Resources.
  3. “I’d love to chip in, but I left my wallet in my pants.”
  4. To stop those creepy guys in IT from looking down your blouse.
  5. You want to see if it’s like the dream.
  6. Can take advantage of computer monitor radiation to work on your tan.
  7. People stop stealing your pens after they’ve seen where you keep them.
  8. Diverts attention from the fact that you also came to work stoned.
  9. Gives “bad hair day” a whole new meaning.
  10. No one steals your chair.

Spam Me Not

The last couple of days I have been getting lots & lots of spam comments in my blog. They seem to be targeting one entry in particular – The one on the old & new BSG series. Why that one in particular I do not know. I have a comment moderation in place – if you put a comment in any of my blog entries, it will not display until I approve it. I get a mail sent to my Gmail account as well, so I check from time to time.

Well these spammers have been after me like crazy. When I saw the number of comments awaiting moderation I was so happy. But one look at what these morons or automated comment spammers had entered (invitation to medical website & to test some meds) got me furious. There is not much I can do about it, I guess, other than to continue doing what I have been doing.

Song for the day – “Cinnamon Girl” – NEIL YOUNG

Bon Cop, Bad Cop

Been waiting to see this movie for a few months now and it was worth the wait. Bon Cop, Bad Cop is a cop buddy movie that is funny & cool in turns where it should be either funny or cool. It also pokes fun at stereotypical views that French-Canadians have on English speaking Canadians and vice versa. The movie was released last year and enjoys the post of being the first true Bilingual movie to come out of Canada. The film moves from Montreal to Toronto and then back to Montreal, as the two cops, Martin Ward & David Bouchard (played by Colm Feore & Patrick Huard) try and track down a killer. The reason why an Ontario detective and his Quebec counterpart are forced to become reluctant partners is because they are investigating a crime spree in which insiders of a fictional North American Hockey league (based on the NHL) are being murdered. The first body ends up on the Quebec-Ontario border; half in each province. Their respective chiefs decide that the cops can join forces to find out the killer. There is a funny scene in which Ward finally admits that he can speak French very well & understood all the jokes that Bouchard had aimed at him & Anglos.

The fun doesn’t stop there – a fight scene in a bar, the cops watching Bouchard’s daughter at her school ballet recital (with the tough Bouchard directing the dance moves from his seat). Even the tension filled scene where they go to the suspect’s house & find a dead body and then inexplicably trip a laser alarm that sets of explosions, is followed by Bouchard crawling on his knees and hands, covered by a bathtub and shooting at the door through a hole in the tub. That was really funny when his ears started ringing cause of the noise of the gun shot reverberating in the metallic tub, . Then the explosion cause all the rows & rows of marijuana in the house to burn and the cops inhaling it become high. That is probably the funniest & best scene in the whole movie; two stoned cops trying to explain to the chief of police as to what happened.

The killer is a hockey fan who is livid at the fact that a Quebec based team was sold and moved south to Colorado (inspired by the move that the Quebec city based Nordiques made to Denver, Colorado) and that his beloved Montreal Patriots about to be sold to a Houston businessman (shades of NHL’s Montreal Canadiens being bought by an American). Hence he is killing off the chief individuals involved in that trade and his final target is the character of Harry Buttman who is charge of the hockey league. Rick Mercer, plays a wonderfully obnoxious sports caster who gets in a fight with Bouchard live in the studio.

Bouchard also sleeps with Ward’s sister. His daughter gets kidnapped by the killer, who is willing to exchange her for Buttman. The cops take Buttman in their car and bring him to the killer. Much fighting & a couple of explosions later, they prevail.

Watch this fun movie and laugh yourself silly at the banter between the Bon Cop & the Bad Cop!

The title is a translation word play on the phrase “Good cop/Bad cop”, and the film’s tagline is “Shoot First, Translate Later.” 9 outta 10!

The Trainer’s Leave

I am on a small leave from the company, a compensation for working in tough environments and basically sweating it out for a month. The three trainers at the temp facilities in Kacheripady – namely Sajith, Akhil & myself – had asked for and received permission to take a few days off and relax until the operations start. I only asked for a couple of days and that is what I am getting, while my two buddies, being from Bangalore, are going away for 4 days each. We can afford to do so at this time.

I hope you like the office pics that I had uploaded to my flickr site and which you can see on the flickr link towards the bottom of the sidebar on the right. I really like the look of the inside of the office and it is always kept very cool inside at all times. What I don’t like is the security checks being done on you – they open our bags & briefcases & check our pockets and stuff. What the fuck am I gonna take with me!!

Speaking of flickr, my limit is up on the number of files that I can upload in the free site so I am going to have to get a new one. The link for that will be added to the sidebar once I have a few more photos to upload.

I decided not to go out today and to instead just watch tv shows on a movie on my computer. It is a hot day although it is quite windy here as well. Still the hot sun is baking us as we sit in our homes or apartments. Last night it was terrible to sleep as it was so hot and I drank a whole bottle of club soda that was freezing cold, at 1 am.

 

Song for the day – “Little People” – JARAH JANE

Familiar Yet Different

On the way to the new office, I have to pass by Kaloor, Palarivattom, Edapally & Kalamassery. Ever since I moved to Kacheripady, I have not been through this way at all. And the last three working days I have been looking for familiar places.

Surprising to me the church in Palarivattom which had been demolished to be rebuilt is now completed and in commission right now. I hadn’t noticed the work going on there although I knew that it was being demolished and rebuilt. But it has been completed and people are now worshiping there. It will now join the mosque in Janata junction as two buildings which are too pretty to be places of worship! What a waste of space and energy! These two buildings could have been used for something more constructive and efficient!

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Edapally looks mostly the same and I looked out for all the usual landmarks. I did feel a bit sad that I do not live in that area anymore. I noticed some new shops – showrooms for cell phone service providers mainly. A hotel I knew has closed down and a person I know has bought that space to open his supermarket there.

Song for the day – “Silent All These Years” – TORI AMOS

User Your Illusions 1 & 2

Guns n’Roses have been off the production of albums for over 13 years now. The bickering and egos & abuses hurled at each other & mainly the demons that wage a war in the mind of frontman Axl Rose, have ensured that the band is Guns n’Roses in name only. Axl remains the only original Gunner left in the band. Keyboardist Dizzy Reed is the next longest serving band member, having joined them in 1990 (but not an original member). No Slash, no Izzy Stradlin’, no Duff McKagan, no Steven Adler, no Matt Sorum & no Gilby Clarke. After Axl won the rights to the GnR name, he can play with anyone he choses and it seems like he has. Next he could chose members of the Backstreet Boys, Air Supply, Duran Duran, some rappers & polka musicians, record and album of crap and still put it out as Guns n’Roses. That is the way of the world of GnR these days. Remember their 5th Studio album proper (The Spaghetti Incident was a covers only fling), The Chinese Democrazy has been a work in progress from 1994! Bands evolve or devolve a couple of times in that long a time. The members of the band are aging and not getting any younger.

Anyway, the purpose of this post is to compare & review their simultaneously released double album Use Your Illusion I & II; albums which propelled Guns from just a hugely successful & cult band to mega superstars, whose legacy is never going to die.

Use Your Illusion 1 : This album’s line up has the original Don’t Cry & November Rain. Each song is still played heavily on radio in classic rock stations and by numerous bar & cover bands across the globe. The two ballads feature truly legendary status in the music video categories as well. Next hit song will be the cover of Paul McCartney cover Live & Let Die. Next would be the rocking Dust n’Bones, The Garden & Don’t Damn Me – the latter being one of my favourite GnR song lyrics! The “in your face short song with the video that has only one camera angle but still rocks” song of the album is Garden Of Eden that is best played loud in an open space. Coma & Dead Horsecomplement the album well as does the acoustic tongue-in-cheek You Ain’t The First; a song about how a former lover isn’t as special as she thinks she is!

Use Your Illusion 2 : This one starts off with a classic Civil War, an introspective look at American issues within the country. Axl signs the song off with the brilliant line : What’s so Civil about War anyway?. 14 Years features great piano playing by Dizzy Reed. Yesterdays, You Could Be Mine are other big hits of this album, as is the second version, with alternative lyrics, of Don’t Cry. But the jewel in this album is Estranged, a staggering 9 minute ballad of epic proportions. Get In The Ring is a big “fuck you” to the detractors of the band and filled with expletives. Pretty Tied Up & Locomotive give the album some foot tappin’ numbers, while the album ends with an explosive My World.

So which is the better of the two? You decide. Let me know which is your favourite of the two cds.

Song for the day – “Dead Horse” – GUNS N’ROSES

Iron Maiden in India!! And I can’t see them :(

Iron Maiden is in India at the moment. They will be performing at the Palace Grounds in Bangalore to, oh I would guess, round about 40,000 lucky motherfuckers in attendance. There will be local Bangaloreans and people from all over Karnataka. There will be Tamilians. There will be Malayalees. There will be Telugus, Maharashtrians, Punjabis, Rajasthanis, Goans. There will be people from Mizoram, Manipur & Assam. There will be people from all the different states & cultures that make up India.

But I will not be there! I will not fucking be there! I really want to be there! I will kill to be there! I almost got free tickets! Yes, free fan-fucking-tastic tickets to go and see the legends of rock! But it didn’t work out in the end since we have to work and just couldn’t get the required leave. The guy who was trying to get me & him tickets also has to work. So, we are stuck here and a lifetime chance will go by us since there is practically no chance of Maiden coming down to play in Cochin or anywhere in Kerala. I played Iron Maiden songs all morning to try and cheer myself up.

Song for the day – “Only The Good Die Young” – IRON MAIDEN

I am an Angel! Told You So!

You scored as Angel. Angel: Angels are the guardians of all things, from the smallest ant to the tallest tree. They give inspiration, love, hope, and positive emotion. They live among humans without being seen. They are the good in all things, and if you feel alone, don’t fear. They are always watching. Often times they merely stand by, whispering into the ears of those who feel lost. They would love nothing more then to reveal themselves, but in today’s society, this would bring havoc and many unneeded questions. Give thanks to all things beautiful, for you are an Angel.

Angel
 
83%
Mermaid
 
67%
Dragon
 
59%
Faerie
 
59%
WereWolf
 
33%
Demon
 
0%

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Going To The New Office

So today I get to see the company’s brand new two three storied offices in Cochin. About high time too as we were supposed to move into it by March 3rd. Then they said the 8th, then 13th & finally they said that it would be the 18th. But we are going there today for a meeting and will spend about 7 hours there after that, breaking in the new call floor by having the agents take a few calls. I have been looking forward to this for a while now. Cause once the first call comes in, we can take a collective sigh of relief.

Been reading John Grisham’s The King of Torts for a few days now and I am reaching the end. It is a good read and probably one of his best.

I downloaded & installed Veoh’s video software, through which you can download numerous videos, movies and television series of your choice (they have a huge library). I downloaded a few episodes of Battlestar Galactica (the original series) and throughly enjoyed the dvd like quality that Veoh’s software provides, far far better clarity than when you stream them online and twice the pleasure since you can watch them whenever you want them since they are now stored to your own hard disk.

Anyone like Tang? I have been drinking loads of that orangy sweet goodness which when served cold is so heavenly. It does a lot to take away some of the fatigue that spending hours at the stupid temp office has bestowed upon me. I need to go buy a new pack tomorrow.

Song for the day – “Speed Of Light” – JOE SATRIANI

Me in Weeworld

I made this WeeWorld image and am happy because :

  • The hair is just like mine after a couple of hours outside (except I have a high, balding forehead)
  • Glasses are almost exactly like mine
  • It looks cool
  • Coffees are important to me and I am having a cold, orange frappe coffee in this image – which would go down really well at the moment of typing this
  • Music is important to me and just like in the image, I carry some of my fav songs as mp3s in my cell phone
  • The WeeMee is located in a city area where I wish I could live – an apartment near a river

Hitler’s German Citizenship

62 years after his death, Adolf Hitler could have no country to speak of! Hitler had given up his Austrian citizenship in 1925 and became German in 1932. Now politicians want his German citizenship to be stripped in what is being said as a “symbolic step” against the horrors of the Nazis. Isolde Saalmann, a deputy in the State Legislature of Lower Saxony, has convinced her fellow Social Democrats to file motion to review whether Hitler’s citizenship can be revoked.

That ought to teach him! How dare he kill all those poor Jews! How dare he become the most hated man in history! When his dead body become’s stateless, he will regret his evil ways!

Is this a “symbolic gesture” to distance them away from the hated Dictator as they state or just another political scam for publicity? I mean the bugger has been dead for more than 6 decades and NOW someone wants to declare him not German and hence stateless. Will that change anything in history? Will people stop associating Hitler with Germany?

Germany is such a wonderful country. We love her tennis players, her football clubs & players, her cities & towns, her cars, her music (primarily the Scorpions for me) and most importantly – the beer! Are we still thinking about Hitler when we think of Germany or purchase anything German or listen to anything German? NO!

This is all so unnecessary and stupid. What will it achieve in the end? Will suddenly any of the atrocities the Nazi leader committed vanish? Does it bring back the dead? Is a politician(s) trying to further his/her career?

Mornings & Afternoons

I like sitting at home during the mornings and afternoons. It is so calm and peaceful here in the apartment. With the balcony door and as many windows open, there is a lot of cool breeze flowing through and I love it when there is a wind blowing at me. Although there are other people in the building, it feels like I am the only one. The noise of the elevator going up and down is one indication of activities happening here. But still there is almost nothing else to let me know that other people do live here. Even on Sundays! No tv noise and no music blaring during this time. Except for me!

The evenings are another matter all together. There are people running about, bringing stuff from work, grocery & shopping items being tossed and dropped by some, children playing on the stairs. But to tell you the truth, it is still kinda quite over here. I rarely get that living among many families feeling. I could walk up and down naked and no one would know that I was there.

I have had the pleasure of enjoying all day at home yesterday as I had taken a sick leave due to my sinuses flaring up and a bad cold. But it was pretty much ok after a while and hence I got to spend time just drinking in the glorious breeze from the balcony. I enjoyed my morning & afternoon coffees sitting there and watching people down on the streets. I went to the shop near us and bought a couple of snacks to much on as I put some music on and relaxed with my eyes closed.

The evening was so fucking hot by comparison.

Song for the day – “Animals” – NICKELBACK