Close Shave

Friday night, having spent one of my worst days at the office due to my personal hell that is going on in my mind, I felt all alone. Despite having friends who care about me. That is so funny, I know. I can’t begin to describe the kaleidoscope of emotions that went through my mind throughout the day. First was the drama with my mother; as always it usually signals a bad day. I told her off and admitted to her that I, not only have had it with life and that I would welcome death but if I was to continue to live, that it would have to be on my own and all alone. Perhaps even keep a healthy distance from family. This last part was said as I was leaving the apartment and did not give her any oppurtunity to react.

As I contemplated this statement over and over in my mind, I started to calculate the cost and what all I would require when I did eventually leave. To live out a proper life in Kerala on my salary is not easy, especially with the way I handle money. So I would have to get off my ass and ensure that I stick to a tight budget and never overspend even a bit. That would be crucial. What relatives and other people would say when they would find out that I had moved & would stay separate from my family while still in the same city will be another thing but the least of my problems. However should I wait until I get a little more in means of salary?

Around 3:30 my whole world collapsed in front of me. What little positivity I was carrying around in the form of bravado died on the spot.

That comes to my last bit – I came close to being gone from this earth myself. I left the office around 8 pm with a couple of friends but they were heading to the company quarters on a bike in one direction and I was heading in another. I had to cross the dark & damp place under the bridge and over the railway crossing all on my own. It was very dark having rained all night and I only had the light from my cell phone to guide me through. As I was going there, I saw a distant light in the dark. This yellow light was welcoming and it was moving towards me. I was fascinated by it and was looking straight at it as I walked. I was on the train tracks by then and it was indeed a train approaching. I didn’t know anything else in this world. Just that light, even the sound of the train escaped me. Actually it was only the front engine and one boggie. But I was not moving much. At that time, I heard someone call out my name and I moved towards that voice. It was a security guard from the company building who called me. I stepped back and the train passed me by. I don’t know if he knew that I was on the track, since it was so dark. He probably did not know that had he passed by a few seconds later, I would not be here to type this entry.

Why does that not feel like a good thing? Maybe he should not have been there.

Song for the day – “Tonight Is The Night I Fell Asleep At The Wheel” – BARENAKED LADIES

Sens 3 Pittsburgh 0

trippin dvd The Senators have made it through to the second round of the playoffs or the semi-finals. They won their series against Pittsburgh by beating the Penguins 3-0 and wrapping up the series 4-1. Second period goals from Dany Heatley, Antoine Vermette & Chris Kelly took care of the goals and goalie Ray Emery made 20 saves for his first playoff shutout.

Three other matches are being played today, with the the result out on one of them. The Calgary Flames have evened the series with Detroit at 2-2, by winning their second home game 3-2. The series now moves back to Detroit for game 5. Vancouver lost a chance to wrap up the whole series when they lost to Dallas by a solitary goal. The Canucks lead the series 3-2 now. Anaheim however did move to the semifinals by beating Minnesota 4-1 and wrapping up the series 4-1.