Tonight marks the end of the longest week of my entire life. I dunno if I will be able to bear another one like this. It has been a mental torture for me and I never ever want to go down that path again. Atleast not if I want to continue living. The worst could be over and I might be able to continue living and trying to get back some degree of normalcy in my life. But I doubt it.
I can’t believe that it has only been a week since my world came tumbling down. Is that all? I shudder when I think about the fact that it has been only 7 days. It feels like a month or even two. Can one go through such thoughts in just seven days? I don’t think I have ever imagined that I could ever have put myself through these kinds of emotions and feelings. I never want to go through this again. With all this and the fact that I almost did the unimaginable and nearly got myself killed by getting in the path of a train.
Let me tell you that a day by myself actually helped. I don’t know how it did but it did. But then something else almost happened. I don’t want to reveal that at the moment. It is the darkest of my times and I am not sure if I can put it to text as of right now. Maybe some other time, another day. I am not sure how I survived it. Why is this happening to me? Can I never ever hope to be happy and satisfied? Am I doomed to be the same sad lonely guy?
In a few days I will post about the full reason behind this and I will come clean about everything but not what almost happened today. That is embarrassing to admit at the moment.
But I can safely say this : I will never, ever be the same Roshan again. Never! Too much has happened to me and I can never come back to being the same guy I was. That much is sure. Too many wounds, too many scars that won’t heal. I’ll put in in words again – I will never be the same person again!
Song for the day – “Good Enough” – SARAH MCLACHLAN