Wayne’s World : Wayne & Garth Speak

“Let me bring you up to speed. My name is Wayne Campbell. I live in Aurora, Illinois, which is a suburb of Chicago — excellent. I’ve had plenty of joe-jobs, nothing I’d call a career. Let me put it this way: I have an extensive collection of nametags and hairnets. OK, so I still live with my parents, which I admit is both bogus and sad. However I do have a cable access show — and I still know how to party. But what I’d really like is to do “Wayne’s World” for a living. It might happen, tsshyeah, right, and monkeys might fly out of my butt.”
“Garth, marriage is punishment for shoplifting in some countries.”
“I say hurl. If you blow chunks and she comes back, she’s yours. If you spew and she bolts, then it was never meant to be.” (advising Garth about his fear of vomiting if he talks to his dream girl)
“I mean, there are two Darren Stevens, right? Dick York and Dick Sargeant. Yeah, right, as if we wouldn’t notice. Oh, hold on! Dick York, Dick Sergeant, Sergeant York… Wow, that’s weird.”
“It will be mine. Oh, yes — It will be mine.” (admiring a guitar in a music store)
“She will be mine. Oh, yes — she will be mine.” (on seeing Cassandra for the first time)
“I once thought I had mono for an entire year. It turned out I was just really bored.”
“Ex-squeeze me? Baking powder?” (used in place of “Excuse me, I beg your pardon?”
“Ah yes, it’s a lot like ‘Star Trek: The Next Generation’. In many ways it’s superior but will never be as recognized as the original.”
“I know I don’t have his looks. I know I don’t have his money. I know I don’t have his connections, his knowledge of fine wines. I know sometimes when I eat I get this clicking sound in my jaw…”
(speaking to the camera) “What the hell’s going on? I lost my show, I lost my best friend, I lost my girl. I’m being shit on, that’s all, shit on, and you know what really pisses me off —” (camera pans away) “Wait, where are you goin’? OK, things aren’t that great, but I’ll get ’em back, OK?”
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“Zang!” (“excellent” in Cantonese)
“Excuse me, sir — do you have any Grey Poupon?”

“”Benjamin is nobody’s friend. If Benjamin were an ice cream flavor, he’d be pralines and dick.”
“Did you ever see that ‘Twilight Zone’ where the guy signed a contract and they cut out his tongue and put it in a jar and it wouldn’t die, it just grew and pulsated and gave birth to baby tongues? Pretty cool, huh?”
“Ribbed for her pleasure. Ewww.”
“That is a babe. She makes me feel kinda funny, like when we used to climb the rope in gym class.”
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“I smell bacon.” (as policeman approaches)
“Okay… First I’ll access the secret military spy satelite that is in geosynchronous orbit over the midwest. Then I’ll ID the limo by the vanity plate “MR. BIGGG” and get his approximate position. Then I’ll reposition the transmission dish on the remote truck to 17.32 degrees east, hit WESTAR-4 over the Atlantic, bounce the signal back into the aerosphere up to COMSAT-6, beam it back to SATCOM-2 transmitter number 137 and down on the dish on the back of Mr. Big’s limo. It’s almost too easy.”

“Let me tell you something about women, Wayne. They want you to come get them, they LOVE it.”
“I’m having a good time… not.” (after being stranded)
(reading from Benjamin’s planner) “‘Thursday — take over feeble cable access show, and exploit it.’ Gee, I feel sorry for whoever THAT is.”
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(to camera) I don’t really have anything to say- HEY What’s that? (Camera looks, turns back to garth, who is walking away quickly)
“We fear change.”