The Black Sheep

For reasons that I feel are genuine to me, I avoid family functions like it were a plague. I’m just not in a very ‘family gathering’ mood for the past few years. So that means not going for weddings, family parties, gatherings in a house/venue, child births, house warmings etc. I do not know how many kinds of excuses I can invent but large gatherings of people just make me uncomfortable at the moment and I can’t wait for it to be over. Also, I hate the same stupid questions being asked again and again which only go on to irritate me and it’s only the comfort of alcohol (if provided at the venue) that can keep me from bolting.

The last two family gatherings I had attended mandated my being there – last year we had my dad turning 70 in January and my mom turning 60 in September. Both were momentous occasions and special for my parents and therefore I just had to go and so I went and I pretended to have fun. It was more important for me to see that my dad & mom had what they wished for on that occasion and that they were enjoying themselves. But there are nosy people who, on seeing me, grab my personal space and start bombarding me with talk. And they always feel that I have lost my way and that they need to advise me. A lot of this has to do with my parents – have always felt that it is due to my father & mother that my other relatives feel that they have this ‘right’ to sit and judge, belittle and advice me. When I look at them I know that they aren’t in such higher positions that they can advice anyone! But they consider it their right. Fuck no!

Marriage is one such agenda for discussion on these occasions. I’m 34 and not married and hence that is a big topic of discussion. What these morons with half a brain don’t realize is that they are just depressing me. Oh and by the way, I discovered from a cousin of mine that there are some relatives, mostly my mom’s first cousins, who think that I have a bad reputation and am a bad influence because – get this – why would I, past the age of 30, be unmarried! Like it is a personal choice! Grow some sense you assholes. I don’t want to wimp out and let my parents pick out a girl for me (unlike most of your children have chosen) and since I haven’t found a woman myself, I am unmarried! There I said it and if anyone has a problem with that, go fuck yourself!

I’ve had it with people judging me based on their assumptions and preconceptions. I might say something back which is so obvious on their lives and ask them what makes them such experts that they can give me advice. Some of them are well meaning but their ill-conceived methods far outweigh the good intentions. At the last couple of events I could see a couple of relatives, faces lighting up on seeing me and marching in my direction, with me finding no place to hide. And at my father’s 70th birthday an uncle passed an unwarranted comment at me, to which I replied something sarcastically but he was too stupid to understand. I wanted to say something more but then I looked at the sorry figure this asshole was and thought to myself “fucker, the joke’s on you”!

And there are some others who I don’t care about and I know what they think of me and the thing is I think even worse of them. Loser, moron, half brain, moocher, numbnuts, kiss ass, pathetic fool, wind bag, idiot who doesn’t count in the big scheme of things – these are the names I’ve given to some of these relatives who think they are bigger than what they actually are. So do you think that the next time I hear a comment, I’m going to lay low like an obedient dog and pretend to roll over? No, I’m going to give it back to them, two or three insults, faster than they dulled brains can even think back a retort. But then things would get strained between me and my parents and as it is my mom and I don’t get along very well. She does not care if I am right; her family meaning brothers, sisters, cousins – can’t do no wrong. So why push it?

For any of these reasons, I am not going to suffer fools lightly.