My Most Memorable Birthday

The Plinky Prompt I have here is to describe my most memorable birthday. Although I can’t say that this is my favourite birthday ever, I just seem to vividly remember my 29th birthday in detail. I spent it all alone but somehow it just sticks out in my mind.

“Well well! That’s it, I turn 29 years old today. August 2nd 1976 was the day that I, Roshan Gopal Krishnan Menon, was born. 29 years ago!! Holy fuck!

To celebrate the event, at work last evening I bought some peda & soan papdi to give to my collegues and the kids in the call centre, who enjoyed it as dessert after their dinner. I myself don’t think much about the celebratory part of birthdays except that drinks will be a staple. That part I do like. The last few years have changed so much in my drinking life. I now can safely say to my parents that I will be having a drink with cousin/friends/office staff and not have them create a big fuzz. Not that my dad would anyway, but my mum would. She doesn’t do that now, cause anyway I am not taking her father’s money or even my father’s money to drink. I pay for my drinks using my own hard earned, under-payed salary.

My morning started at around 6:30 as I was jolted awake rudely by some asshole who rang the buzzer at the gate. 6:30, who the fuck was it? I don’t know; by the time I got my glasses and went to the window to see who it was, he/she had gone. Still recovering from the shock, I went to brush my teeth & pee as there was no way I could go back to sleep. My first piss as a 29 year old & my first teeth brushing as well. I went back to lie in bed and stared at the ceiling for a few minutes before deciding to make my first cup of black coffee as a 29 year old. As I got the paper and sat down, I suddenly realized that it was almost 7:30 on this Tuesday morning and Ten Sports would be showing the repeat telecast of WWE Raw that I had missed the previous night since I was working.

So watching the wrestling took my early morning and went to make my first breakfast as a 29 year old – 2 eggs bulls-eye with 3 porottas and black coffee. As I slowly ate that, I pondered what to do today. Get drunk was the obvious answer! I lazed around till 12:30 when Hallmark was showing a repeat of the episode of Regenesis that I missed last night. As stated before, this is an excellent series and Peter Outerbridge plays a good scientist. That done, I went to take my first bath and shampoo as a 29 year old & dressed to go out for lunch at 2:00 when it started to rain. And when it rains it pours. Holy H2O it was raining like it was the end of the world and the wind did us no favours. I managed to get to an auto and point him in the direction of Karthika Regency bar in Edapally. The trip was really an eye-opener, since the auto had no wiper and I was hoping that my first day as a 29 year old wouldn’t be my last as well. Finally I got there and dripping wet I moved past the open area section of the bar that is so fucking noisy and went to the AC room only to find my favourite table was taken. I found another table with a good view of the tv and ordered a Haywards 2000 & peanuts to be followed by three vodkas & a deep fried beef fingers dish with two porottas. I sat there and I thought to myself about all the mistakes that I made, the regrets that I have in my life (and oh do I have plenty of those), the bad choices, the high points, the low points, about the fact that I am nowhere near where I thought I would be at this point in my life. Welcome to 29 Rosh! Life’s a bitch, life sucks!! I hope I die before I get old.”

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Wanted: Lawn Mower For Use

There’s this house on the side of the highway that I pass by twice a day, on my way to work and back again. Whenever I go back home and sitting on the left side of the bus, I always make a point to look for the house as we pass it. The house itself is not grand; infact it’s an older looking house, much the ugly duckling compared to some of the houses near it. But in the front porch of the house I see this middle aged guy lounged in an easy chair, the kind in which you can easily lie back and fall asleep. Put a pillow at your head and you will be snoozing long before you can even think it.

This guy, I’m sure retired from whatever work it was that he was doing, is always there in the evenings, half asleep and not bothered with whats happening on the road or the world. Everyday I pass by a little after 6pm he is there, legs raised high and shirtless with just a towel hanging over one shoulder. He has his arms folded behind his head, showcasing his armpit hair to the world. Seemingly without a care in the world. “I’ve worked a lot in my life and now I’m retired and I don’t care about what’s happening elsewhere. Every evening after a cup of tea, I wanna take a snooze out on my front porch and lie back and if you wanna admire my hairy chest & armpit, you are welcome”.

Just what is it with a certain section of society here in Kerala where men once they are past 60 & retire always have to be near the side of the road bare-chested, showing off their salt n pepper hairy chests. Are there women who are flocking to see them? Do they have a fan club? Women throwing themselves at these older farts “oh he is such a MAN! I love an older man with grey chest hair. It’s so manly!!!” What the fuck assholes!! Next time I see an old jerk baring his chest in public, I’ll take a lawnmower and shave his chest!! Hell, I’ll run the lawnmower up his ass as well, them stupid idiots!!