I’d want to be a Tamil movie actor:

1. I’d be able to flick a lotus/rose at my lovely & sexy co-star and she’s have an orgasm!

2. I won’t need any acting skills just over-acting skills.

3. Dialogues are a secondary matter; the ability to convincingly break bottles and say ‘DAI’ is more important.

4. Ofcourse my direct competitor will be superstars Rajnikant & Kamal Hassan who started acting around the same time as their current co-stars’s parents were in diapers!

5. I’d be able to go to Malaysia, Singapore, Hong Kong, the US or Australia just for a song and stun the locals there with 10 costume changes in a single song.

6. The movie does not have to be good; the stupid repetitive songs with non-sense lyrics and a few English words thrown in for good measure with music from AR Rahman or one of his clones will draw in people. Add a rap in Tamil and it’s a hit!

7. I need not shave or bathe but the pretty actresses will still fall for me in the movies and 9 out of 10 who are not from the state.

8. In order to prove how cool I am, my song sequences will have lots of Caucasian female dancers, who will be stunned at the dance moves and action sequences that require them to forget all the dance training that they have had!

9. I might get a temple built in my honour and people will worship me.

10. People will want me to name their new-born babies and kiss them!

11. I will go to the slums & villages and make them vote for me when I all of a sudden declare my intention to enter into politics!