July 3, 2013 | Awake & Dreaming

There once was a man named Harry
Whose balls were so very scary
When he would take a piss
He would moan and hiss
Because it was too heavy to carry.

There was a guy I wanted to be mine
so I told him “You be six and I’ll be nine”
“we can have fun and then a Lay
Yes, I’m talking to you Joe Day!”
Then he said “Damn you’re fine!!!”

There was a young lady named Hilda
who went on a date with a builder –
he asked if he should –
she said that he could –
so he did, and very near killed her!

There was a young man from Calcutta
who peeked through a hole in a shutter,
all he could see
was a prostitute’s knee,
and the bum of the chap that was up her!

When her daughter got married in Bicester,
Her mother remarked as she kissed her,
“That fellow you’ve won,
Is sure to be fun,
Since tea he’s fucked me and your sister.”

There once was a lady from France
Who kept a baboon in her pants
half the people who saw
couldn’t help but guffaw
but the rest of them asked her to dance.

I sat with the Dutchess at tea
She said “Do you fart when you pee?”
I said with some whit
“Do you belch when you shit?”
And thought it was one up for me!

There once was a man from Montanna
Who said he could play the pianna
His finger slipped
His zipper ripped
And out came a hairy banana

I just rewatched the original V mini-series – The Original Miniseries and The Final Battle. While I am once again very impressed with the serious ‘Nazi-facsist’ style movement of the first mini-series, the second (while quite entertaining & more action packed) reminded me of the same disease that struck the regular single season episodes. The disease is a funny one in which, much like Storm troopers, the Visitor soldiers seem to have practically no aim! A human will be standing right in front of them and yet the laser gun will hit the ceiling or the door behind their target or the walls! Several times the visitors just seem to be aiming elsewhere or anywhere but at the intended human target.

But in return they act like sitting ducks for most of the humans who shoot at them. Scene after scene of numerous visitor troops rushing in and humans shooting at them. Each extra who is in visitor uniform seem eager to hit the ground as soon as a gun shot is heard. The visitor soldiers fall so easily I wonder how much military training they have ever had. Sometimes you have the odd thing of a shot not even hitting the visitor but he readily falls with a funny “ah oh” sound indicating that he has been hit and is dying quickly. I bet the directors wanted to stop and reshoot but then thought “Oh what the heck, might as well roll the camera!” Also it is so funny to see the extras in red uniforms falling like 10 pins and on getting shot do acrobatic style jumps & twists as they get shot & die! And if you throw a grenade and it explodes, two visitors half a kilometer away will get affected and fall down and die!

I’m not dissing the show. For a scifi show during the cheesy era of the early 1980s, V still has a lot to offer a new viewer in terms of a storyline and entertainment. Even kids who weren’t born during the 80s will find some enjoyment in it. My now 15 & 13 year old newphews and almost 7 year old niece enjoyed it a lot and they watched it 2 years ago. On first viewing they enjoyed it so much and became avid fans. My niece even wanted to know if she could remove her eyeballs just like the visitors did with their fake human looking eyes. Ah, so much fun! Just don’t be a nameless visitor soldier!