Twelve priests were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally naked, while a beautiful, big-breasted nude model danced before them.
Each priest had a small bell attached to his penis. They were told that anyone whose bell rang when the nude model danced in front of them would not be ordained, because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.
The beautiful model danced before the first candidate, with no reaction. She proceeded down the line with the same response from all the priests until she got to the final priest.
As she danced, his bell began to ring so loudly that it flew off and fell clattering to the ground. Embarrassed, he took a few steps forward and bent over to pick up the bell…
Then all the other bells started to ring.
On his way to address the U.N. assembly, the pope arrives by plane in New York city. Following his practice of kissing the tarmac, waving to the crowds etc, he climbs aboard the limo that’s been sent to transfer him from the airport to the U N. building. The limo is complete with tinted windows, plush upholstery, mini bar and, of course, a uniformed chauffeur. The chauffeur welcomes the pope to NY and wishes him a pleasant stay and, as an aside, tells the pope that he, as a devout Roman Catholic, would welcome the opportunity to do any thing he could to please the pope.
The pope thanks the chauffeur and, after a pause, tells the driver ‘Welll . . . There is something . . “‘ The chauffeur pounces on the opportunity to help the Holy Father and replies ‘Anything! Anything. Just ask’! The Primate pauses for a moment and says; ‘You know, being the pope is great . .big palaces . .servants . . Fancy clothes . . Great Art works . . All that sort of stuff . . But, I’m not allowed to do any of the things that I’d like to do’ The driver nods in sympathy. ‘If I can help . . ‘The one thing I’d like most of all’ says the pope ‘Is to drive a big car like this one’. The chauffeur immediately agrees and swaps places with the pontiff.
Once the driver settles in to the back seat Vroom . .vroom and off goes the limo. Out onto the freeway and the pope is flooring the accelerator. Sixty, seventy, eighty and heading up to ninety miles per hour. Swerving between cars, cornering almost on two wheels, on he goes . . When. In the rearview mirror he sees blue flashing lights and then hears the siren of a motorcycle policeman.
Once he has pulled over and switched of the engine, he rolls down the window at the approach of the cop. The policeman stops to look at the pope sitting in the driver’s seat, and asks the holy father to wait a moment while he considers the situation.
On his bike radio, the cop asks to speak to his chief.’ You’ll never guess who I just pulled over for speeding’ he says. ‘I can’t possibly give him a ticket’. He is way too important’! Nonsense!’ replies the chief. ‘It doesn’t matter if you’ve pulled over the mayor of New York. .you give him a ticket. Understood?’ ‘But chief’ he replies, ‘This guy is seriously important, I can’t give him a ticket’.
The chief is puzzled. ‘Did you pull over the state Governor?’ ‘No! Somebody really important?’. ‘The Vice President?’ Are you kidding me? You’ve Stopped the VP?’ Asks the chief. Nope. somebody a lot more important than him.’
‘Oh my god! You’re kidding me. You’ve pulled over the President. Are you crazy?’
‘Actually’ says the cop, ‘It’s someone even more important’. What?? The chief screams. ‘There is no one more important than the President of the USA!’ ‘Who have you actually stopped?’
The cop says ‘Uhm. Er. I’m not really sure who it is’. ‘Then how can you possibly know that they are so important if you don’t even know who they are? ‘ asks the chief.
The cop replies:
‘Well. he’s got the pope as his chauffeur!’