Clean Religious Jokes

A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see who’s best at his job. So they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it.

Later they get together. The priest begins: “When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his First Communion.”

“I found a bear by the stream,” says the minister, “and preached God’s holy word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him.”

They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on a gurney in a body cast. “Looking back,” he says, “maybe I shouldn’t have started with the circumcision.”


An angel appears at a faculty meeting and tells the dean, “In return for your unselfish and exemplary behavior, the Lord will reward you with your choice of infinite wealth, wisdom, or beauty.”

“Give me infinite wisdom!” declares the dean, without hesitation.

“Done!” says the angel before disappearing in a cloud of smoke.

All heads now turn to the dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light. “Well,” says a colleague, “say something brilliant.”

The dean stands and, with the poise of Socrates, opines, “I should have taken the money.”


The pastor asks his flock, “What would you like people to say when you’re in your casket?”

One congregant says, “I’d like them to say I was a fine family man.”

Another says, “I’d like them to say I helped people.”

The third responds, “I’d like them to say, ‘Look! I think he’s moving!’ “

Back To The Grind

Well it’s always a bad time when you go back to work after a few days off. We had a 4 day long weekend and yesterday I went back to work for a 5:30 pm to 2:30 am shift. I now work for four days this week, till Friday, and then —- only two days off? What the hell!

I had to go the Vodafone store to try and get a replacement SIM for my mom’s phone but there was a huge section of people waiting their turn to try and get solutions for their problems and concerns that I knew that it might be a 2 hour wait for me. Not wanting to be too late for work, I left after 5:15 pm and went to work, had coffee with a couple of colleagues before engaging my current batch of trainees.

Not really happy with the current lot. A colleague of mine were watching them closely and not at all satisfied with their commitment to getting things finished. Anyways, I completed my work and showed them some examples of what they are to do and then setup what they could expect for today and then by 2:30 am I made my way back home and watched 3 episodes of Frasier before I fell asleep.