Two Blonde Jokes

A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, “I`ve kidnapped you.”

She then wrote a note saying, “Ive kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, Blonde.” The Blonde then taped the note to the kid`s shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.

The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, “How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?”

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A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly, opens the door and, sure enough, finds him in the arms of a redhead. The blond is furious. She opens her purse to take out the gun but as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and aims it at her head.

The boyfriend yells “No, honey, don’t do it.”

The blond replies “Shut up. You’re next, you bastard.”

Deep Space Nine Leaves Me Shattered…Again!

That’s it. Just finished watching the series finale of Star Trek Deep Space Nine and I am a crying, emotional mess. Why did it have to end that way? Now I can’t go to work my evening shift.

Me: Boss, I can’t come in to work today.

Boss : Why such short notice?

Me : It’s not my fault. The war is over, the battle is won and the treaty is signed. But Worf is going away to be the Federation ambassador to the Klingons and joins Martok, Miles is off to earth to teach at the academy, and has taken Keiko, Molly & Yoshi with him, Odo has joined the great link and it looks like it was a final goodbye between him and Kira and that is just heart breaking and then….SIsko is with those stupid wormhole aliens who now want him there for who know how long, leaving a pregnant Cassidy and his son Jake behind in DS9. Rom already left for Ferenginar. And yeah Ezri & Julian have become a couple and the station is in good hands with Kira but to see Jake & Kira stare out from the station looking at the stars and wondering if we will ever see Odo & Benjamin again and then the sad version of the theme music plays and I….I….I….I…???

Boss: Ok. These are friends of yours? Or family?

Me: ???

Boss: Ok leave granted!