Naughty Jokes For You

The teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn’t paying attention, so she asks him, “If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?” Johnny says, “None.” The teacher asks, “Why?” Johnny says, “Because the shot scared them all off.” The teacher says, “No, there are two left, but I like how you’re thinking.”

Then Johnny asks the teacher, “You see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor. One is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream. Which one is married?” And the teacher responds, “The one sucking her ice cream.” Johnny says, “No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you’re thinking.


“Two hookers were on a street corner. They started discussing business and one of the hookers said, “Yep, it’s gonna be a good night, I smell cock in the air.” The other hooker looked at her and said, “No, no. I just burped.”


“A couple were in the bathroom getting ready for work when the husband looked at his wife and said, “I gotta have you!” He backed her up against the bathroom door, pulled down her panties, and ravaged her. He knew he was doing great because she screamed and wiggled more than she ever had before. When he was finished, he started putting his clothes back on and when he noticed his wife still writhing against the door he said, “That was the best, honey. You’ve never moved like that before, you didn’t hurt yourself, did you?” And his wife replied, “No, no. I’ll be okay once I can get this old doorknob out of my ass.”

Banana Strawberry Milkshake

Perfect for a hot summer’s day but the Banana Strawberry milkshake – ice cream optional – is a crowd pleaser and goes down so well. While I feel that strawberry shakes on it’s in a bit bland, adding ripe bananas into the mix gives it an added freshness and the taste is awesome.

Ingredients:

2 Bananas (the riper the better)
2 cups Frozen Strawberries
6 scoops Vanilla Ice Cream
2 cups Milk

Optional Toppings: strawberry syrup, whipped cream, fresh strawberries and banana slices

Directions:

  • Place all of your ingredients into your blender.
  • Blend until smooth.
  • Top with strawberry syrup, whipped cream and fresh strawberry and banana slices if desired.
  • Serve immediately.

10 Tips For Night Shift Work @ Home

The night shift. Most of us dread it and some fear it. There are some crazy souls who do like the night shift as they feel like their city takes on a whole different look and feel when they go out at the night time. I have trained a bunch of folks in Hyderabad who like the 9 pm to 6 am shift. That’s great for you crazy people. The rest of us have to prepare ourselves for it. So I am working a 10:30 pm to 7:30 am shift this week and possibly the next 2 more weeks as well.

Here are some of my tips for people in the night shift especially if you working from home:

1.Wear comfortable clothes – it doesn’t even matter if you are wearing you jammies. I wear my lungi, which are like Indian pyjamas, and a shirt. If I wore t-shirts then I would chose them instead.

2. Have you dinner by 8 or 8:30 pm. You do not want to feel very heavy right when you have to start your shift. And avoid heavy foods or spicy food as much as you can.

3. Arrange your breaks for every 2 hours, the same as you would have in a normal day shift. You need, deserve and have a right to those breaks. And walk around even if it just in your home or apartment during those breaks. Stretch if you can.

4. Make sure to drink a lot of water in between. Gotta stay hydrated. And avoid really cold water, though slightly chilled is fine.

5. For snacks try to get biscuits or fruit. I like what I call my “apple breaks” in that I keep chilled pieces of apple in my fridge and have them at 2 am or so. Keeps me feeling fresh. Grapes, pears and bananas are also awesome snacks.

6. Coffee or tea. Yeah, I need my caffine kick. But I have tried to keep it to just one coffee a night shift. Strong and black and usually at around 4 am which is when I start to feel a drowsy and tired.

7. Plan your breakfast. What I do is I give both myself and my batch of trainees, if I have one, a break at around 6 am. For them it will be breakfast is what I was told and for me it is to go and make my breakfast. I try to eat my breakfast at around that time or prepare something that I can eat quickly at 7:30 am. Soon as I finish the shift.

8. Don’t stay up after that. Breakfast done, I either go to bed straight away or lie in bed and watch a little tv until I feel my eyelids get heavy so I can sleep as much as I can.

9. Naps are great. If you haven’t got enough sleep during the day, a light nap will do wonders. This could be between the hours of 7 and 9. Not later than that.

10. Don’t go out during the day, unless it is a quick trip for groceries or anything else that you really need. I don’t want to feel even more tired than I actually need to be.

Awesome Saturday

I had a nice day out. I’m trying to get back to some degree of normalcy by going out every Saturday and enjoy a day out of the apartment. Well 2 hours atleast. Yesterday I went out to get my hair cut. I had last cut my hair in March, a week before we went into lockdown. And even if I am having a big bald patch on the top and the hairline is in the advanced stages of receding, in 5 months my hair was long on the sides and back. When I sweat or after a shower, I hate it when my hair sticks to the back of my neck.

But up first I had to collect 9 packages from the post office – because the postman is a lazy bugger. I waited for the bugger to come and deliver them and since he doesn’t leave them on the table (no security guard due to Covid) at times, I have to go and collect it from the main post office in Ernakulam. What is it’s a weekend that I want to relax and stay in at home? I still have to go because this idiot can’t do his job probably. His excuse this week was that “were 9 packages” so he is too lazy to carry them. Why not on split it on different days? Idiot!

Anyways I went and collected my packages and then went to Ole to get my haircut. I had to, for the first time in my life, book an appointment to go get my haircut at this nice salon. They are accepting appointments for the most part to avoid crowds in their store. Is this what it feels like to be a women? Once that was done, I walked next door (they are in the same compound) and went to Couchyn, which is the bar of the the Grand Hotel, and bought 4 Amstel beers. Post that I went to an ATM and took out some money and then went to a grocery store for a few provisions. Then it was time for lunch and decided on Dominos and had a nice pizza.

After that it was back home to watch a movie – The Craft – and a nap. In the evening I had an over 3.5 hour WhatsApp video chat while he was drinking vodka and Sprite and I was drinking a couple of beers. He had KFC and I had a burger and fries in our respective homes and discussed scifi, movies families and shot the shit so to speak. It was fun.

Dani On Loan With Arsenal For Another Year

Dani Ceballos has rejoined Arsenal on a season long loan from Real Madrid. The Spanish international become an important component of Mikel Arteta’s side last season, and played a key part in our FA Cup success. He formed a solid partnership with Granit Xhaka, catching the eye with his energetic, committed performances, which also brought some small measure of creativity to our midfield. It was quite a turnaround from a few months previously when he gave serious consideration to cutting short his loan spell, but having been challenged by the Arsenal boss, he responded by ‘training like an animal‘, winning over his compatriot to become a regular starter.

Arteta was keen to bring him back, saying, “Dani knows really well what I think about him. He was pretty clear with me as well that his intention was to remain with us. Last season, Ceballos made 37 appearances in all competitions, despite missing months due to a serious hamstring injury, scoring twice and making two assists. He will be looking to improve on those stats during the new campaign. It’s good news for the Arsenal midfield, which is still an area of uncertainty, but securing the 24 year old – who is desperate to play for Spain in next summer’s European Championships – is a positive development.

It’s believed there are no obligatory purchase clauses attached to the deal. Ceballos becomes Arsenal’s third summer signing, with the arrivals of Willian and Gabriel Magalhaes boosting the Gunners’ squad ahead of Arteta’s first full season in charge. Last season Ceballos wore the number eight shirt at the Emirates, and the Gunners have confirmed that he will once against wear the same jersey.

Has The Perfect Cheeseburger Changed?

How do you make the perfect cheeseburger?

So I answered this blog prompt almost exactly 2 years ago. But how do you get the perfect cheeseburger? I mean so many options, so much variations you could do. Each place has its own little touches and make that burger delicious and unique. So let’s see in the 2 years since, has my taste changed.

Big buns. I like big, soft buns and I cannot lie. Seasame seeds are optional. Slightly spicy mayo on the top and bottoms. No lettuce! Yeah, that has changed. I mean I was never the biggest fan of lettuce but that is just crunchy water. So no lettuce. Instead some grilled onions either on the bottom bun or just above the burger patty. Big, thick and juicy patty which is 80% beef, 20% pork patty! Yeah, I am mixing it up.

One thick slice of cheese on top of it. Then another 80% beef, 20% pork patty. Boom! One more slice of cheese! A single slice of tomato. A fried egg on top of that – BOOM! 3 slices of hot, crispy bacon. More sauce dribbling on the top.

Damn! That’s a mighty fine burger right there.

Prompt from 30 DAYS OF SEPTEMBER WRITING PROMPTS at The SitsGirls

No Saddles

A young woman was driving through a remote part of Texas when her car broke down. An American Indian on horseback soon came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town.

She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off.The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would shout out a wild “Ye-e-e-e-e-ha-a-a-” so loud that it echoed off the surrounding hills.

When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, she expressed her thanks, and he yelled a final “Ye-e-e-e-e-ha-a-a!” and rode off.

“Why was that Indian so excited?” asked the service station attendant. “I don’t know. I just rode behind him on the horse with my arms around his waist and holding onto the saddle horn so that I wouldn’t fall off,” the woman answered.

“Lady,” the attendant said, “Indians don’t use saddles.”

Big Breakfast

What would be the perfect breakfast? Well do you see the beautiful pile of food on the left? Yeah, feast your eyes and if you can eat that once in a while, it’s a feast for your taste buds and tummy as well.

I think I can safely say that perhaps due to the past years of not having breakfast for atleast 3 quarters of the year (due to waking up late as I work in late evening shifts and therefore skip breakfast) I cannot eat a heavy breakfast. I usually just have peanut butter sandwiches (which is a more recent thing) and coffee or bread and mayo (garlic and jalapenos in eggless mayo is my favourite) and coffee. Sometimes it just to be just plain toast (no butter or anything). At times I might have what breakfast is made here which is dosa, upma or puttu.

The last few breakfast meals usually leave me feeling heavy and since I need to have atleast 2 cups of coffee to make me want to interact with people. So the breakfast usually isn’t very important on a work day. I like smaller portions for breakfast. So if I have two sandwiches of peanut butter or mayo, I am good. Or two eggs and smaller slices of bread, then I am good. I have reached that stage where I get fuller more easily. So usually on a day that I go out and will have time to eat a proper lunch, I will usually skip my breakfast or just have a little bite and coffee. So that way by lunch time I will be really hungry and can eat a nice lunch.

Having said that, a Full English breakfast looks amazing and I would love to have that. I have had versions of it, certainly nothing as big or as grand as that plate you see in this post. And in most places it is chicken sausages! Yeah, I know. But there are a couple of places that serve pork sausages and pork bacon or ham. And we don;t get blood suasages at all. But if I were to have this meal then it would be for an early lunch or brunch – skipping breakfast and lunch – and that would do me well until dinner time.

PSG Interest In Bellerin

Arsenal may agree to sell Hector Bellerin to Paris Saint-Germain to help fund summer moves for Thomas Partey and Houssem Aouar. Gunners chiefs know they have few saleable assets to cash-in on this summer, but they also need some additional cash to bring in manager Mikel Arteta’s top targets – including Atletico Madrid midfielder Partey. Bellerin is one of those Arsenal are considering cashing in on to help strengthen the team, following an approach from Paris Saint-Germain. PSG have made their interest in Bellerin known and the clubs have opened talks about a possible move in the coming weeks.

Bellerin has been linked with an Arsenal exit before, and is also being eyed by Juventus and Bayern Munich, but the French champions have made contact and want him as a replacement for right-back Thomas Meunier, who joined Borussia Dortmund in a free transfer earlier this summer. There has been regular contact between the two clubs over the last week with the French giants looking to pay around £30million. Arsenal would prefer Bellerin to stay – he is under contract until 2023 – but will not stand in his way if the 25-year-old full-back wants to move to Paris and the club receive the right fee.

And that will aid Arteta in his chase of Atletico Madrid’s Partey – who has a £44.5million release clause – while the Premier League club has also held talks over a possible move for Lyon playmaker Aouar. If Bellerin does leave, Arsenal will also scrap their plans to sell Ainsley Maitland-Niles this summer. The versatile 23-year-old is a target for Wolves, who reportedly had an opening bid of £15m rejected by Arsenal and are expected to come back with an improved offer.

Gabriel Joins Arsenal | New #6

Central defender Gabriel has joined us from French side Lille on a long-term contract. The 22-year-old Brazilian has completed his move and will wear our number 6 shirt. Gabriel, whose full name is Gabriel dos Santos Magalhaes, started his career in Brazil with Avai FC, before joining Lille in January 2017. During his time in France, Gabriel spent time on loan with Troyes in France and latterly in Croatia with Dinamo Zagreb. On returning from his loan spells, the Sao Paulo-born defender became a regular in the Lille side, helping them to a fourth-placed Ligue 1 finish last season and starting all six of their Champions League group-stage matches.

Technical director Edu said: “We are delighted to have signed Gabriel. He is a player we have been studying for a while and he was in demand from many clubs, so we are proud to have agreed and completed this transfer with Lille and the player. Gabriel is a player of high quality and Mikel and his coaches are looking forward to integrating him into the club.” Mikel Arteta said: “We welcome Gabriel to Arsenal. He has many qualities which will make us stronger as a defensive unit and as a team. He has proved with Lille that he is a defender with many outstanding attributes and we are looking forward to watching him grow as an Arsenal player.”

Gabriel was born in the Pirituba District of São Paulo. At age 13, Gabriel took a 12-hour bus ride to Florianopolis to begin his career at Avaí but returned to São Paulo after a week due to homesickness. However, Gabriel reconsidered his decision and returned to Avaí after two weeks, eventually going on to earn his first professional contract at age 16. He went on to be part of the team that won promotion to Brasileiro Série A in 2017. On 31 January 2017, Gabriel joined Ligue 1 side Lille, signing a four and a half year contract. When he arrived, Gabriel taught himself French and went on to conduct most of his interviews in the language. After playing several matches for Lille B, he was loaned to Troyes and Dinamo Zagreb, where he made just one league appearance for each club’s senior team. Gabriel returned to Lille in 2018, starting his first match on 10 February 2019 against relegation-threatened Guingamp in a 2–0 win. He went on to make 14 appearances over the course of the season, scoring his first goal for Lille in a 5–1 win against Paris Saint-Germain on 14 April 2019.

The following season, Gabriel began to play more regularly, forming a centre-back partnership with José Fonte. Gabriel was a starter in all six of Lille’s Champions League group stage matches. Gabriel represented Brazil at under-20 level at the 2017 South American U-20 Championship. Gabriel was scheduled to be part of Brazil’s under-23 national team at the 2020 Summer Olympics; however, the event was cancelled as a result of the COVID-19 pandemic. Gabriel is a left-footed centre-back who normally plays on the left side of a centre-back partnership. However, Gabriel can also play as part of a back three. Despite his height, Gabriel is known for being pacey. Christophe Galtier spoke about Gabriel, saying “He has a lot of character for a 22-year-old boy. Despite his ninety meters, he is super fast and covers his side well. He is the player who has won the most aerial duels in the first part of the season.

Compliance (2012)

Compliance is a 2012 American thriller film written and directed by Craig Zobel, based upon a strip search phone call scam that took place in Mount Washington, Kentucky, in which the caller, posing as a police officer, convinced a restaurant manager to carry out unlawful and intrusive procedures on an employee. It stars Ann Dowd, Dreama Walker, Pat Healy, and Bill Camp.It had its world premiere at the Sundance Film Festival on January 21, 2012.

It was released on August 17, 2012, by Magnolia Pictures. Dowd’s performance as Sandra, the manager, won the National Board of Review Award for Best Supporting Actress.

Sandra, manager of a ChickWich fast food restaurant, receives a call from someone identifying himself as Officer Daniels. He claims to be in contact with the regional manager about a customer who had money allegedly stolen by an employee that day. Daniels claims that he is searching the suspect’s residence, but will remain on the phone while Sandra detains the employee until the police arrive. Sandra identifies Becky as the suspect based on the description; Daniels confirms the name.

Sandra brings Becky to the restaurant office with another employee, Marti. She denies the theft. At Daniels’ behest, Sandra searches Becky’s pockets and purse and finds nothing. Telling her that the alternative is to have Becky go to jail, Daniels has her strip-search Becky. Daniels tells Sandra that he and other officers are searching Becky’s home on suspicion that her brother is involved in drugs, and that Becky may be involved. He has Sandra put Becky’s clothes into a bag and take it to her car for inspection by the police.

Sandra insists she resume managing the restaurant as it is busy. After Daniels stipulates that a male employee watch Becky for “security reasons”, another employee, Kevin, is brought in, but questions Daniels’ instructions and leaves. Sandra’s fiancé Van takes over; under pressure from Daniels over the beers he drank before driving to the restaurant, he has Becky perform nude jumping jacks to “shake loose” any contraband concealed in her body. After Becky protests, Daniels has Van spank her. Eventually, Becky is coerced into performing oral sex on Van. Van leaves with guilt and is replaced by the custodian, Harold, who is outraged by Daniels’ instructions. Harold tells Sandra about Daniels’ orders; she calls the regional manager, who tells her he has no idea about any investigation.

The police discover that a similar incident happened elsewhere. Daniels is identified by closed circuit recordings and arrested; he is a family man working as a telemarketer. Becky meets an attorney to discuss options for suing Sandra. Sandra, now unemployed and no longer seeing Van, tells a journalist she is a blameless victim.

This is a really good movie and it made me feel sorry for both Becky and Sandra. The empathy factor is amped up as I really felt bad for them. Acting wise I think the main cast did an awesome job. I will give this movie an 8.5!