Jokes About The English

Mrs Cameron, a primary teacher, was teaching her class about the difference between right and wrong. “All right children, let’s take an example,” Mrs Cameron said. “If I were to get into a man’s pocket and take his wallet with all his money, what would I be?” Little Tony raises his hand, and with a confident smile says, “You’d be his wife.”


  • Britain has invented a new missile. It’s called the civil servant – it doesn’t work and it can’t be fired.
  • What do you call an Englishman with an IQ of 50?  Colonel, sir.
  • They say an Englishman laughs three times at a joke. The first time when everybody gets it, the second a week later when he thinks he gets it, the third time a month later when somebody explains it to him.
  • An Englishman went into a hardware store and asked to buy a sink.’Would you like one with a plug?’ asked the assistant. ‘Don’t tell me they’ve gone electric,’ said the Englishman.

At an antiques auction in Leeds, England a wealthy American announced that he had lost his wallet containing £5,000, and he would give a reward of £50 to the person who found it.  From the back of the hall a Yorkshire voice shouted, “I’ll give £100!”


Roland, an Englishman went to Spain on a fishing trip. While there, Roland hired a Spanish guide to help him find the best fishing spots. Since Roland was learning Spanish, he asked the guide to speak to him in Spanish and to correct any mistakes of usage. Together they were hiking on a mountain trail when a very large, purple and blue fly crossed their path. The Englishmen pointed at the insect with his fishing rod, and announced, ‘Mira el mosca.’ The guide, sensing a teaching opportunity to teach Roland, replied, ‘No, senor, “la mosca”… es feminina.’ Roland looked at him in amazement, then back at the fly, and then said, ‘Good heavens….. you must have incredibly good eyesight.’

Coffee Is Life

How many of you are coffee drinkers? I first started drinking coffee at around the age of 13. Once I stopped drinking milk – flavoured or otherwise – for breakfast I started drinking tea. Being in India, tea is a big thing but in the South we tend to drink a lot of coffee as well. Then ofcourse once the coffeeshop boom hit us, I think coffee drinking has a big boost in consumption numbers.

So like I said I started drinking tea at around 8 or 9 years old but I drank so little of it. I tend to not like tea with milk; the taste is off putting. Once I started drinking coffee, not only did I like the taste but I also liked the energy it gives me. Since that time – I am now 44 – I am kinda addicted to it. I need a big cup to just wake up in the morning and another cup a little later on. In the evening I want one more cup atleast and 2 unless I am drinking some juice or a Coke/Pepsi/7up or maybe a beer.

As I make my 3rd cup of coffee while still drafting this, I wish I had a nice big top of the line coffee machine that can make cappuccinos, lattes & espressos. Proper machine. And what about the frappes? I wish I could make them at home. Where is a food replicator when you need one eh?