Mrs Cameron, a primary teacher, was teaching her class about the difference between right and wrong. “All right children, let’s take an example,” Mrs Cameron said. “If I were to get into a man’s pocket and take his wallet with all his money, what would I be?” Little Tony raises his hand, and with a confident smile says, “You’d be his wife.”
- Britain has invented a new missile. It’s called the civil servant – it doesn’t work and it can’t be fired.
- What do you call an Englishman with an IQ of 50? Colonel, sir.
- They say an Englishman laughs three times at a joke. The first time when everybody gets it, the second a week later when he thinks he gets it, the third time a month later when somebody explains it to him.
- An Englishman went into a hardware store and asked to buy a sink.’Would you like one with a plug?’ asked the assistant. ‘Don’t tell me they’ve gone electric,’ said the Englishman.
At an antiques auction in Leeds, England a wealthy American announced that he had lost his wallet containing £5,000, and he would give a reward of £50 to the person who found it. From the back of the hall a Yorkshire voice shouted, “I’ll give £100!”
Roland, an Englishman went to Spain on a fishing trip. While there, Roland hired a Spanish guide to help him find the best fishing spots. Since Roland was learning Spanish, he asked the guide to speak to him in Spanish and to correct any mistakes of usage. Together they were hiking on a mountain trail when a very large, purple and blue fly crossed their path. The Englishmen pointed at the insect with his fishing rod, and announced, ‘Mira el mosca.’ The guide, sensing a teaching opportunity to teach Roland, replied, ‘No, senor, “la mosca”… es feminina.’ Roland looked at him in amazement, then back at the fly, and then said, ‘Good heavens….. you must have incredibly good eyesight.’