3 Rude Catholic Jokes

A man is leaving church when he sees an altar boy get hit by a car. The man rushes over and asks the dying boy, “Would you like me to get the priest?” To which the altar boy responds, “How can you think about sex at a time like this?”

A Catholic priest in New Orleans had tickets to the NFC Championship game against the Vikings last year. Unfortunately, he also was scheduled for confession.

He notices a very devout looking parishoner praying and decides to ask the man to cover confession for him. The parishoner replies, “Father, I’m not qualified to do that.” To which the priest says, “I have a book in the confessional with all sins and the correct penance for it so I don’t make any mistakes.”

The man reluctantly agrees and the priest races to the Superdome and the man takes his seat in the confessional.

A man enters and says, “forgive me father, for I have sinned. I have had sex with young boys.”

“I see,” he says, and opens the book to find the correct penance for anal sex with young boys, but to his dismay it wasn’t listed. He opens the door and sees an altar boy lighting candles. He asks, “alter boy, what does Father give for anal sex with young boys?”

The alter boy replies, “he usually gives us a tootsie roll and a cherry coke.”

A man goes to confession.

“Priest, I kept a woman in my basement for years.”

“Go on, my son.” said the priest.

“You see, she’s a Jew and they were looking for her. I told her I would hide her.”

“Well, that sounds like the Christian thing to do. Sure, you might have had to lie a few times to keep her out of harms’ way, but you saved a life.”

“But, I asked for sexual favors in return for my services.”

“Still. You did a good thing. Ten ‘hail Marys’ and you’re forgiven.”

“How many ‘hail Mary’s’ do I have to do to keep from telling her for another few months that the war is over?”

7 Reasons Why I Would Love To Visit Ireland.

List 7 reasons why you would love to visit Ireland.

1. Jaw-dropping natural landscapes

When you think of Ireland, it may conjure up images of green rolling hills, rugged seaside cliffs, and windswept rock formations. When you visit this Celtic country, you will be rewarded with all that and more! You’ll be able to admire or hike the high mountains of Wicklow and McGillycuddy’s Reeks. Take in the views over the Atlantic Ocean from the west coast cliffs. Sail or walk along the majestic lakes such as Lough Erne and Lough Leane. And explore the islands where you could learn more about the Gaelic culture and language.

2. Music and festivals

Ireland is a place to visit not only for its beauty and history, but because of its lively atmosphere. The Irish are known worldwide for their festive celebration and the country hosts many events and festivals along the year. This includes the TradFest held in Dublin every January. It is the largest festival of traditional music in Ireland. Not to be missed if you’re a fan! The town of Dingle also hosts its own in September. St Patrick’s Day is a five-day affair in Dublin. In September, Galway hosts the International Oyster and Seafood Festival, for lovers of this gastronomy. At the same time Dublin hosts the Fringe Festival, as well as a Bram Stoker Festival in October.

3. Regal castles

Irish history goes back centuries if not millennia, from the Vikings and Celts to warrior clans. Because of this, there is an estimated 30,000 castles and ruins dotted all over the country. During your journey, you could visit as many as you wish and time allows.

Here are some of our favourite castles:

  • Blarney Castle – where you can kiss the famous Blarney Stone
  • Bunratty Castle – one of the most complete castles left today in Ireland
  • Dunluce Castle – a cliffside fortress with majestic sea views
  • Rock of Cashel – an ancient royal site
  • Ross Castle – a 15th-century fortress set amidst a national park

4. Guinness and whiskey

If you are a lover of beer and whiskey you will be in for a treat on your trip to Ireland! There are multiple brewers around the country, but the most famous is, of course, Guinness. Come taste the ‘black stuff’ in its hometown at the Guinness Storehouse. You won’t be surprised to hear it’s Ireland’s number one attraction! Whiskey distilleries are dotted around the country as well. If you want to visit one, you’ll have plenty of choice, from Jameson in Dublin to Kilbeggan in Westmeath,  to the isle’s oldest whiskey distillery at Bushmills or Micil in Galway. Or, you could forgo attractions and simply curl up in a pub and order a pint or a dram of whiskey.

5. Lively cities

Known for its stunning natural landscapes, Ireland is also ideal for city breaks! Dublin will probably be the starting point of your trip to Ireland. The capital is a stunning mix of modern and historic architecture. It is full of fun attractions like the Guinness Storehouse and St Patrick’s Cathedral. We recommend adding extra days to your itinerary to make the most of it. In the west, you’ll want to stop by Galway. This laid-back city has a thriving music and foody culture. In the south, Cork is Ireland’s second largest city and the area’s cultural hub.

6.  Delicious food

During your time visiting Ireland, you’ll be able to taste the hearty local food. Among other things, dig your teeth into the famous Irish soda bread and the lesser-known boxty, an Irish potato pancake. At B&Bs and other accommodation, you may be able to try the full Irish breakfast. It’s typically served with eggs, bacon, sausages, mushrooms, beans and toasts or boxty. In small fishing villages along the west coast, we also recommend ordering some seafood. And you can’t leave Ireland without trying the famous Irish stew! Cities, like Dublin, Belfast, Galway and Cork, have plenty of fine dining restaurants. They focus on local and seasonal produce to give you a modern taste of Ireland.

7. Irish People

The Irish people truly make Ireland special! As a visitor to their shores, you’ll experience their fun sense of humour and warm hospitality, especially by staying in B&Bs and smaller hotels. You can also participate into the cheerful atmosphere by visiting pubs. Every city and town has at least one! Here you could have a drink with the locals, taste the Irish flavours and even listen to traditional music.

And Irish ladies – oh gosh! That accent and the gorgeous red hair (well I do know of some gorgeous non-redheads) will make you want to listen to them for hours on end.

Prompt from 31 March Writing Prompts at Mamakatslosinit