3 More Religious Jokes

A man enters the confessional in a Church: “Father, I have sinned. I have been unfaithful to my wife. I’m a film producer and about two weeks ago I slept with Jennifer Lopez.” “Anything more than confess son?” replies the priest “Yes father. Last week I was weak and I also slept with Nicole Kidman and Julia Roberts.” The very calm priest asks: “Any other sin, son?” “Yes father, this week I could not contain myself and participated in a threesome with Gal Gadot and Brie Larson.” “Sorry, son, but I can not absolve you,” the priest replies. “Why not Father, if the mercy of God is infinite?” “Yes, but God will not believe you’re sorry.


A girl is going to confess: “Well, you see, father, I said that my boyfriend is a son of a bitch and the other day …” The priest interrupts her and says: “But girl! How you call your boyfriend, you son of a bitch! What has happened to you?” “Well, the other day he took my hand.” The priest takes her hand and says: “But look, I take your hand too and I’m not a son of a bitch.” “Yeah, well … but it’s just that my boyfriend later touched my breasts.” The priest touches her breasts and says: “Look, I’m touching your tits but I’m not a son of a bitch.” “Yes, but my boyfriend also made love to me.” replied the girl The priest throws it away and then says: “Well, look, I made love to you too and I’m not a son of a bitch.” “Yes, but my boyfriend has Herpes.” “What a son of a bitch!!!”


The new priest is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks an older priest to sit in on his sessions. The new priest hears a couple confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions.\ The old priest suggests, “Cross you arms over your chest, and rub your chin with one hand.” The new priest tries this. The old priest suggests, “Try saying things like, ‘I see”, ‘Yes, go on’ and ‘I understand.’ ‘How did you feel about that?'” The new priest practices, saying these phrases. The old priest says, “Now, don’t you think that’s a little better than slapping your knee and saying ‘No shit?!? What happened next?'”

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