A Fear I’m Working to Overcome

A fear that I have had for a few years now is of losing a job. I mean outright losing, on the spot and ending up with no money. It hasn’t happened to me since 2003 and that was because the stupid company that I had joined went bankrupt and couldn’t pay us our salaries. Nothing that I did. The next job I had, I left on my own choice – made up my mind one month in advance, went to search out for job, landed one and quit. The one after that I again left out of my own accord looking for a better opportunity. That brings me to my last job. The story there was very different.

I was ok there for a very long time and had 4 years there. It was all due to one individual, one bastard sonofabitch that I left. I could have fought to stay on but as long as he was in charge I knew things would not be good and I had to leave. I served a 2 month notice and I left. Did the decent thing, in fact quite a decent thing but still it was not really on my terms. I didn’t want to leave at that point. I wasn’t exactly going great guns and this asshole-in-charge was not supporting me and also creating problems but still leaving at that point wasn’t really what I wanted.

I would have wanted to wait a few more months, find a really nice job and then make the jump. For more money, for a better compensation and a jump that made sense. I couldn’t do that because of Mr.Fuckingmoron and hence had to settle for something that I regretted within 45 days of joining. All because of this bastard. I had to rush and I had to go before I was ready. The fear is there and the fear is real. If I end up without a job it could mean a lot of difficulty, especially if I don’t find a replacement job within the next 30 days of losing the current one I have. That would a disaster, one I am not sure of how I could recover from. If it is within 30 days I am sure that I can bounce back easily.

I would like to blog more about the circumstances that lead to me making the decision to jump from my previous job but I am in a hurry now. I’ll leave it for a later post, when I have more time to put my thoughts together and form it properly.

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