A Goddamn Failure

I feel like an absolute failure. And I really am one.

At the age of 33, I’m finally in a respectable position as that of an Assistant Manager incharge of the Training department for a BPO that houses the call center for a huge client that has a huge customer base in the telecommunications sector. Lots of work, lots of pressure! I’m finally there after a lot of wastage during my earlier years. I’ve had to do things the hard way because I was a dope that didn’t amount to much.

And now that I’ve finally got a good position (Lead post from July 08 and AM from May 09) I thought that finally I’d be able to make the kind of money that people have been getting in this same post. Finally, I’d be able to hold my head high, move out and still be able to contribute to my folks. But no! I haven’t got my own place, I haven’t been able to do the things that I’ve wanted to do.

The company, and in particular my functional heads, deferred on my hike and then the fukcing recession was at it’s peak and basically I’ve been promoted twice within the last 14 months and the shmuck that I am, I’ve still got nothing to show for it except for more work and a grade change and a green tag that basically states that I’m an AM or a Manager! That’s it! No gain for me but corporate & the clients have someone to complain to and pile things on.

When my sister arranged for my dad’s 70th birthday way back in January, I felt bad that I couldn’t help out financially. So I left early, after ensuring that my dad was happy. I thought ‘September is far away; by then I’d surely start getting paid properly and I can host a similar party for my mom’. And that’s what I thought. Did I know that I would still be getting fucked?

I can only spare about Rs.5000 for the event and I think that’s only a third of the cost. My dad & my sis are putting up the rest. I look like a fool. You know what’s even worse? My family & relatives are all going to be thinking ‘why the heck doesn’t he do more? Isn’t he working for a huge company? Surely he must be making a lot more dough now that he got promoted? What an ungrateful son!’ Can I go to all of them and tell them what has happened and why I can’t do anything?

But I swear if some fucking relative says anything, I’m gonna kick his ass!

One thought on “A Goddamn Failure

  1. Look at it this way, Roshan. You’ve managed to hold on to a good job in a very tough, uncertain market. Things will eventually pick up and then hopefully you will get the pay rise you deserve. You won’t be in the position you’re in forever.

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