Bear Food, Priest In A Plane & A Confessional

A hunter is out hunting bear in the woods. He sees one, lines up his sights, takes a shot, and misses. The bear sees the hunter and charges towards him. The hunter tries to take another shot, but finds he’s out of ammo. He throws down the gun and starts running away, but he realizes that the bear is going to catch up to him.

The hunter falls to his knees and starts praying. He says, “Dear Lord, I ask that you let this bear find some religion before he does me in.”

He turns around, and the bear stops, falls to its knees, and starts praying. The bear says, “Dear Lord, for this food I am about to receive, I am truly grateful…”

**************************************************

A Catholic priest, a Boy Scout leader and a lawyer take some boys out on an adventure trip. On the flight over, there is engine trouble and the plane is about to go down.

“We have a problem”, says the pilot. “There are only three parachutes!”

The Boy Scout leader suggests they give them to the boys.

“Screw the boys,” shouts the lawyer.

“Is there time?” asks the priest.

**************************************************

Michael took Kevin along with him to confession for moral support. Kevin waited in the pews while Michael approached the confessional.

“Forgive me father, I have sinned, I have been with a woman.”

“Ah Michael,” sighed the priest, “you have grieved the Holy Spirit. Tell me, was it Mary McCarthy?”

“I can’t tell you, father,” answered Michael, “I promised I wouldn’t say, but forgive me, I have sinned, I have been with a woman.”

“Michael, this is not what you have been taught by Mother Church. Was it Sinead O’Rourke?”

“I can’t say, father, I promised I wouldn’t, but forgive me, I have sinned, I have been with a woman.”

“Ah, Michael, your poor mother and father would be heartbroken to know this. I wonder, was it Philomena Donnelly?”

“I can’t tell you, father, I promised, forgive me, I have been with a woman.”

“Michael, my son, I harboured such high hopes for you when you were an altar boy. Tell me, was it Therese Murphy?”

“Father, I can’t say, I promised, forgive me father, I have sinned, I have been with a woman.”

The priest pronounced, “Michael, you must say 50 Our Fathers and 30 Hail Marys.”

“Thank you, father,” a relieved Michael acknowledged, and went back to the pews where his mate Kevin was waiting.

“Michael, Michael, what did the father say?”

“He gave me 50 Our Fathers, 30 Hail Marys and four good leads.”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

*

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.