Abbott and Costello Meet the Invisible Man is a 1951 American science fiction comedy film directed by Charles Lamont and starring the team of Abbott and Costello alongside Nancy Guild. The film depicts the misadventures of Lou Francis and Bud Alexander, two private detectives investigating the murder of a boxing promoter. The film was part of a series in which the duo meet classic characters from Universal’s stable, including Frankenstein, the Mummy and the Keystone Kops.
How did a Chinese guy have a Tamil name
I recently met a Chinese man in Toronto and got to know that his name was “Kannaswami”. I asked him, “How did you ever get a name like that being a Chinese?”
He said -“Many, many years ago when I first went to Canada, I was standing in line at the Political Asylums Immigration Counter. The man in front of me was a Sri Lankan Tamil refugee.”
The white lady at the counter looked at him and asked “What is your name?” He replied “Kannaswami”.
Then she looked at me and asked “What’s your name?” I said, “Sem Ting”.
Two Canadians die and go to hell.
Satan puts them in their own cell and turns up the heat to 49C, figuring that’s a good temperature to start newcomers. He comes back a while later to find the Canadians shirtless but smiling.
“It never gets this warm in Canada we’re enjoying while it lasts.” One of them explains when a mystified Satan asks why they aren’t miserable.
Angry, Satan turns up the heat to 60C figuring nobody could ever enjoy that. But low and behold he returns to their cell and sees that a bunch of other Canadians have turned up and are having a cookout. Furious, Satan decides to try a different tactic and instead turns the thermostat all the way down to -20C, and all of hell freezes over. Cackling, Satan visits their cell and finds the Canadians having a roaring party.
“HOW CAN YOU BE HAPPY!?!” He demands.
“The Maple Leafs just won the Stanley Cup!” The Canadians shout triumphantly.
Palm Springs is a 2020 American science fiction romantic comedy film directed by Max Barbakow with a screenplay by Andy Siara from a story by Siara and Barbakow. It stars Andy Samberg, Cristin Milioti, Peter Gallagher, and J. K. Simmons, and follows two strangers who meet at a Palm Springs wedding only to get stuck in a time loop. The film had its world premiere at the Sundance Film Festival on January 26, 2020, and was released in select theaters by Neon and digitally on Hulu on July 10, 2020. It was praised for the performances and use of the concept. The film received two nominations at the 78th Golden Globe Awards, including Best Motion Picture – Musical or Comedy and Best Actor – Motion Picture Musical or Comedy for Samberg.
Man walks up to a priest. The man says “I am Jesus Christ.” The priest says “No you are not my son.” The man says ” Follow me.” The man walks into the bar and the bartender says “Jesus Christ you’re back!”
One day little Jonny and little Susan were in bible class and little Susan had been tired that day so she kept falling asleep and the teacher said to little Susan who is our lord and savior and little Jonny poked her in the but with a push pin and she yelled JESUS CHRIST and the teacher goes that’s right go back to be and then the next thing the teacher asked who gave up there son for our sins and little Jonny poked her again and she yelled GOD AL MIGHTY and she says that’s right go back to bed and the next question the teacher asked was what did ADAM SAY TO EVE after there 13th child little Jonny poked her in the but again she yelled IF YOU STICK THAT THING IN ME AGAIN I AM GOING TO BREAK IT IN HALF AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR OWN ASS AND SEE HOW YOU LIKE IT
So Jesus has been nailed to the cross. On the first day, he starts to moan, “Peter, Peter”. Well, Peter hears Jesus moaning and feels it is important, so begins to go up the hill. On his way, he is met by some Roman soldiers and they proceed to beat his ass back down the hill.
On the second day, Peter hears Jesus moaning again, “Peter, Peter”. Peter thinks to himself, this is important. He heads up the hill, fights past the first line, but gets a beatdown by the second group and back down the hill he goes.
On the third day, Peter is woken up by Jesus sounding very weak, but calling out, “Peter, Peter”. Peter feels that whatever it is that Jesus needs him for, must be very important. Peter heads up the hill, he is on a mission. He manages to fight his way thru three sets of Roman guards and make his way to the cross Jesus has been nailed to for three days. He looks up to Jesus, and says “Jesus, I have heard your calls, what is so important”?
Jesus- “Peter, I can see your house from here”.
Here is the my review of the 2002 comedy film The Love Guru starring Mike Myers
The Love Guru is a 2008 American buddy comedy film directed by Marco Schnabel in his directorial debut, written and produced by Mike Myers, and starring Myers, Jessica Alba, Justin Timberlake, Romany Malco, Meagan Good, Verne Troyer, John Oliver, Omid Djalili, and Ben Kingsley. The film was a financial flop and was universally panned by critics. The Guru Pitka (Mike Myers) is tasked with revitalizing the Toronto Maple Leafs hockey team. The team has been plagued with losses and their star player suffers a marital tragedy that throws him off his game. In order for Guru Pitka to become the next Deepak Chopra, he must help the team actualize their potential to win the Stanley Cup.
Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein is a 1948 American horror comedy film directed by Charles Barton and starring the comedy team of Abbott and Costello. The picture is the first of several films in which the comedy duo meets classic characters from Universal’s horror film stable. In this film, they encounter Count Dracula (Bela Lugosi), Frankenstein’s monster (Glenn Strange), and the Wolf Man (Lon Chaney Jr.). This film is considered the swan song for the “Big Three” Universal horror monsters, none of whom had appeared in a Universal film since House of Dracula (1945).
In 2001, the United States Library of Congress deemed this film “culturally, historically, or aesthetically significant” and selected it for preservation in the National Film Registry, and in September 2007, Reader’s Digest selected the movie as one of the top 100 funniest films of all time.
1. Marriage is when a man and woman become as one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
2. Grooms, once you get married remember that when you have a discussion with your future wife, always get the last two words in: “Yes, dear.”
3. My wife gave birth four times and still fits in her prom dress from high school. I gave birth 0 times and I haven’t fit in my pants since March.
4. Marriage is like going to a restaurant. You order what you want, then when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.
5. When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.
6. Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.
Why are husbands like lawn mowers? They’re hard to get started, emit foul odors and don’t work half the time!
The Guru is a 2002 sex comedy film written by Tracey Jackson and directed by Daisy von Scherler Mayer. The film centers on a dance teacher who comes to the United States from India to pursue a normal career but incidentally stumbles into a brief but high-profile career as a sex guru, a career based on a philosophy he learns from a pornographic actress. The film stars Jimi Mistry as the eponymous character, Heather Graham as the actress he learns from, and Marisa Tomei, who helps him reach his guru status among her socialite New York City friends.
Did you hear about the new Exorcist movie? The Devil came to get the Priest out of the child.
How do you get a nun pregnant? – Dress her up as an alter boy.
The worst part about church is that you’re constantly switching between sitting, standing and kneeling; I mean, why can’t the priest just pick a position and f**k me already!
A priest and a rabbi run out of a burning church and the Priest says “what about the children” the rabbi says “fuck the children” and the Priest says “do you think we’ll have time”
Boy goes to Confession Boy ” What are you doing father” Priest “Its called masturbation and soon you will be doing it” Boy ” Why do you say that father” Priest ” Cause my hand is getting tired”
Q: How many Ferengi does it take to change a light bulb? Two: one for changing it and another one to sell the broken one
Q: How many Klingons does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: TWO: One to screw it in, and one to stab the other in the back and
take all of the credit.
Q: How many Klingons does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: NONE: Klingons aren’t afraid of the dark.
Q: What do the Klingons do with the dead bulb?
A: Execute it for failure.
Q: What do the Klingons do with the Klingon who replaces the bulb?
A: Execute him for cowardice.
Q: How many Romulans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: ONE HUNDRED FIFTY_ONE: One to screw the light bulb in, and 150 to self-destruct the ship out of disgrace.
Q: How many Vulcans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Approximately 1.00000000000000000000000000000000
Q: How many Borg does it take to change a light-bulb?
A: All of them!