Happy Death Day

Happy Death Day is a 2017 American black comedy slasher film directed by Christopher Landon, and written by Scott Lobdell. It stars Jessica Rothe, Israel Broussard, Ruby Modine, Rachel Matthews and Charles Aitken. The film was produced by Jason Blum through his Blumhouse Productions banner. The film is also in association with Digital Riot Media and Vesuvius Productions. It follows a college student who is murdered on her birthday and begins reliving the day repeatedly, at which point she sets out to find the killer and stop her death.

After a night of drunken partying, university student Theresa “Tree” Gelbman wakes up on her birthday to the changed tune of “happy birthday” in the dorm room of classmate Carter Davis. he ignores a phone call from her father and dismisses Carter, returning to her room. Her sorority housemate Lori Spengler gives her a cupcake, which she throws away. Tree meets with her married professor, Gregory Butler, with whom she is having an affair. That night, on her way to a party, Tree is lured into a tunnel and murdered by a figure wearing a mask of the school mascot. Tree immediately wakes up back in Carter’s bed, and is unnerved to find the previous day’s events repeating themselves. Baffled, she relives the day, this time avoiding the tunnel and reaching the party. However, the masked killer follows her and murders her again. Tree again wakes up in Carter’s bed, realizes she is in a time loop, and barricades herself in her room to avoid death. The killer, already hiding inside, murders her a third time.

Waking up, Tree explains the events to Carter. He suggests taking advantage of the loop to identify her killer. She spends the next several iterations trailing people she considers suspects but she turns out to be wrong each time and is killed. After waking from a loop where she is bludgeoned, Tree faints and awakens in the campus hospital. Her body shows evidence of recovery from multiple traumatic injuries, indicating she has retained physical damage from her previous deaths. When the killer shows up, Tree escapes the hospital in Gregory’s car, only to be pursued and killed again, along with a cop who arrests her for speeding. She wakes up back Back in Carter’s bed, Tree convinces him of her predicament by demonstrating her knowledge of the day’s events. Tree admits to harboring tremendous self-loathing, particularly from pushing away her father after the death of her mother three years ago. Tree sees a local news report on John Tombs, a serial killer being held at the campus hospital.

Concluding that Tombs is her killer, Tree rushes to the hospital to warn of his escape. Tombs breaks free and nearly kills Tree, but Carter follows and rescues her. Tombs kills Carter before chasing Tree to a nearby bell tower, where she subdues him with a crowbar. Realizing that Carter will remain dead if she ends the loop, Tree hangs herself. Believing she has solved her murder, Tree proceeds happily through the day. She ends her affair with Dr. Butler and meets her father for lunch, where the two begin to reconcile. That night, she goes to the hospital and traps and kills Tombs. Relieved to finally be free, she celebrates her birthday in Carter’s room and eats the cupcake given to her by Lori. Tree wakes up still in the loop. Angry and confused, she returns to her room, where Lori offers her the cupcake again. Tree realizes the previous loop was the only time she had ever eaten the cupcake, and she had died in her sleep. Tree realizes Lori is her true killer. Lori had poisoned the cupcake, but when Tree failed to eat it, Lori utilized her job as a nurse at the hospital to frame Tombs for Tree’s murder.

Tree threatens to take the cupcake to the police, but Lori attacks her. Lori admits to also having an affair with Dr. Butler, whose preference for Tree drove Lori mad with jealousy. In the ensuing fight, Tree stuffs the poisoned cupcake in Lori’s mouth, then kicks her out a second-story window to her death. At a restaurant, Tree and Carter muse over the day’s events and he offers her his room for the night. The next day, Tree wakes up believing she is still in the time loop, but Carter quickly reveals he was just playing a prank on her, and it is really the next day at last. Tree is too relieved to be angry at him, and the two kiss.

It was way better than I expected. I didn’t know much about the movie before watching it and I was pleasantly surprised. It was funny and the lead actress is a hoot. She made me laugh. The beginning dialogues are all cliched and a bit boring but as the movie moves along it’s worth it. I will give it a 7.5 outta 10!

Timbuktu

The National Poetry Contest had come down to two semifinalists: a Yale graduate and a redneck from Wyoming. They were given a word, then allowed two minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained the word. The word they were given was Timbuktu. First to recite his poem was the Yale graduate. He stepped to the microphone and said:

Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked a lonely caravan.
Men on camels, two by two
Destination—Timbuktu.

The crowd went crazy! No way could the redneck top that, they thought. The redneck calmly made his way to the microphone and recited:

Me and Tim a-huntin went,
Met three whores in a pop up tent.
They was three, and we was two,
So I bucked one, and Timbuktu

2 Naughty Jokes

1. A man walks into a bar. Upon sitting down a busty blond waitress pours him a drink and asks if he would like some food. He looks up at the menu above the bar it says:

  • Hot dog – $2
  • Cheeseburger – $5
  • Hand job – $10

He asks the waitress, “Miss are you the one who gives the hand jobs?” She winks and replies, “why yes I am.” He says, “Well wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger.”

2. Dougall O’Reilly is at the pub one night when he climbs to feet: “I got one fer ya!” he says, “I got one!” The crowd quiets. “Here’s to spendin’ the rest o’ me life, lyin’ between the legs ‘o me wife!” It’s an easy audience, everyone’s half cut, and wouldn’t you know? He wins the prize for best toast of the night!

Another hour later, Dougall wobbles home and in the back door. He snaps a £20 note and presents it to his wife: “Mary, guess who won the prize fer the best toast o’ the night?”

“Oh, isn’t that lovely?” says Mary, “And what was this wonderful toast you made?”

“I said Here’s to spendin’ the rest of me life, lyi– er, uh, settin’ in church beside me wife.

“That’s… nice, Dougall.” she says, looking puzzled.

Next day, she’s on High Street to get something nice for dinner with the wee bounty, when she runs smack into one of Dougall’s drinking buddies. “Hey, Mary,” he says, leering, “Didja know Dougall won a prize with a toast about yer last night?”

“I know!” she says, “though I was a bit surprised meself. I mean, he’s only been there twice in four years, and the last time, I had to pull him by the ears to make him come!”

How To Get To Heaven & Wash Your Hair

“If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale, and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?” I asked the children in my Sunday school class.

“NO!” the children all answered.

“If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into heaven?”

Again the answer was, “NO!””Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children and loved my wife, would that get me into heaven?” I asked them again.

Once more they all answered, “NO!”

“Well,” I continued, thinking they were a good bit more theologically sophisticated than I had given them credit for, “then how can I get into heaven?”

A five-year-old boy shouted out, “You gotta be dead!”


While shopping in a food store, two nuns happened to pass by the beer, wine, and liquor section.

One asked the other if she would like a beer.

The second nun answered that, indeed, it would be very nice to have one, but that she would feel uncomfortable about purchasing it.

The first nun replied that she would handle that without a problem. She just picked up a six-pack and took it to the cashier.

The cashier had a surprised look, so the nun said, “This is for washing our hair.”

Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the counter and put a package of pretzel sticks in the bag with the beer.

“The curlers are on loans in me.”

Aladdin (2019)

Aladdin is a 2019 American musical fantasy film produced by Walt Disney Pictures. Directed by Guy Ritchie, who co-wrote the screenplay with John August, it is a live-action adaptation of Disney’s 1992 animated film of the same name, which itself is based on the eponymous tale from One Thousand and One Nights. The film stars Will Smith, Mena Massoud, Naomi Scott, Marwan Kenzari, Navid Negahban, Nasim Pedrad, Billy Magnussen, and Numan Acar, as well as the voices of Alan Tudyk and Frank Welker.

The story is ofcourse the same as the one we have seen in the 1992 classic animated film from Disney. Aladdin, the young street urchin with a heart of gold meets and falls in love with Princess Jasmine, who is in disguise in the poor markets of Agrabah. Meanwhile, the grand vizier, Jafar, schemes to overthrow Jasmine’s father as the Sultan. He, along with his pet parrot sidekick Iago, seeks a magic lamp hidden in the Cave of Wonders that will grant him three wishes. He has been unable to retrieve the lamp himself because only “the diamond in the rough“ is allowed to enter the cave; anyone else will be devoured and killed by the cave itself.

Jafar finds out that Aladdin is the one and has his soldiers take the young man to the cave. In return for retrieving the lamp for Jafar he promises to make Aladdin rich enough to impress Jasmine. Jafar warns Aladdin not to take anything but the lamp, even though he will be very tempted to. Inside the cave, Aladdin finds a magic carpet and obtains the lamp. Abu accidentally causes the cave to collapse after he picks up a ruby, as the cave thinks he is stealing. He gives it to Jafar as he hangs perilously from the exit of the cave in exchange for his help up. Jafar double crosses him however, and throws him and Abu back into the cave, though Abu steals the lamp back. The magic carpet also catches Aladdin and saves him from falling to his death. Trapped in the cave, Aladdin rubs the lamp, unwittingly summoning an omnipotent Genie, who lives inside it. Genie explains that he has the power to grant Aladdin three wishes, with the exceptions of murder, romance, resurrection of the dead, and more wishes. Aladdin tricks Genie into freeing them from the cave without using a wish. He then wishes to be a rich prince, calling himself Prince Ali and heads to Agrabah.

So ofcourse he woos Jasmine and impressed her on the magic carpet ride. while Genie goes out with Jasmine’s handmaiden Dalia. When Jasmine tricks Aladdin into revealing his true identity, he appears to convince her that he is actually a prince and only dressed like a peasant to meet the citizens of Agrabah beforehand. When Jafar find out that Ali is really Aladdin throws Aladdin into the sea, saying if he lives, it will be because he found the lamp and the Genie saved him. If he dies, he really is a prince and doesn’t have the lamp. Abu and the carpet arrive with the lamp and Aladdin rubs it just before losing consciousness. He awakens though, having been saved by Genie, at the cost of his second wish. They talk to Jasmine, who is also suspicious of Jafar, and then expose Jafar, who is arrested and imprisoned in the dungeon. The Sultan offers Aladdin the position as heir to the throne. Fearing he will lose Jasmine if the truth is revealed, Aladdin needs Genie with him now and refuses to free him, much to Genie’s disappointment.

Iago frees Jafar who then steals the lamp from Aladdin and becomes Genie’s new master. He uses his first two wishes to become Sultan and then, when the guards refuse to acknowledge the change at Jasmine’s request, to become the world’s most powerful sorcerer, imprisoning the guards and Jasmine’s pet tiger Rajah. He then exposes Aladdin’s identity to Jasmine and exiles him and Abu to a frozen wasteland on the other side of the Earth. He threatens to kill the Sultan and Dalia unless Jasmine agrees to marry him. At the wedding ceremony, Aladdin and Abu return, having been rescued by the magic carpet and Jasmine steals back the lamp. Furious, Jafar transforms Iago into a roc to give chase. Iago overpowers them and steals the lamp back, destroying the magic carpet in the process.

Aladdin stalls Jafar by taunting him for being second and less powerful than the Genie. An incensed Jafar is tricked to use his last wish o become the most powerful being in the universe. Due to the vagueness of the wish, Genie is able to use it to turn Jafar into a genie; chained to the lamp without a master, Jafar gets trapped inside, dragging Iago inside with him. Genie throws Jafar’s lamp to the Cave of Wonders and repairs the magic carpet. Aladdin keeps his promise, using his last wish to free Genie and allow him to live as a human. Jasmine & Aladdin  then share a passionate kiss. Genie marries Dalia and leaves to explore the world and start a family with her. Aladdin and Jasmine get married and start a new life as well.

While there isn’t much wrong with the film or the acting (it’s pretty much a Disney movie) the problem is many of us will compare it with the 1992 animated film. Massoud & Scott are pretty good as the lead pair but the problem is Will Smith isn’t as good as a Genie. No fault of his but it’s just the ghost of Robin Williams looms large over the movie. Williams killed it as the Genie and can never be bettered. Also the villain isn’t very threatening and lacks a menacing presence which even the cartoon version had! Other than that it’s pretty good. 8 outta 10!

Dirty Jokes All

What’s the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch.

An old woman walked into a dentist’s office, took off all her clothes, and spread her legs. The dentist said, “I think you have the wrong room.” “You put in my husband’s teeth last week,” she replied. “Now you have to remove them.”

What’s the process of applying for a job at Hooters? They just give you a bra and say, “Here, fill this out.”

What’s worse than waking up at a party and finding a penis drawn on your face? Finding out it was traced.

What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? One’s a Goodyear. The other’s a great year.

How does a woman scare a gynecologist? By becoming a ventriloquist.

What do you call a herd of cows masturbating? Beef strokin’ off!

A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes, the man finally gets up and says, “Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!” The woman says, “Me too, you’ve been eating grass for the past ten minutes!”

3 Jokes On You

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, “If I’m going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman.” She removes all her clothing and asks, “Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?” A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, “Here, iron this!”.

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A tough looking group of hairy bikers are riding when they see a girl about to jump off a bridge, so they stop. The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, “What are you doing?” “I’m going to commit suicide,” she says. While he doesn’t want to appear insensitive, he also doesn’t want to miss an opportunity, so he asks, “Well, before you jump, why don’t you give me a kiss?” She does, and it is a long, deep, lingering kiss. After she’s finished, the tough, hairy biker says, “Wow! That was the best kiss I’ve ever had! That’s a real talent you’re wasting. You could be famous. Why are you committing suicide?” “My parents don’t like me dressing up like a girl…”

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Everyone says the world would be better off if it was run by women. Sure, maybe there wouldn’t be violence and territorial conquests fueled by male testosterone. But instead, we’d have a bunch of jealous countries that aren’t talking to each other.

Some Husband vs Wife Jokes

At St. Peter’s Catholic Church in Toronto , they have weekly husband’s marriage seminars. At the session last week, the priest asked Giuseppe, who said he was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.

Giuseppe replied to the assembled husbands, “Wella, I’va tried to treat her nicea, spenda da money on her, but besta of all is, I tooka her to Italy for the 25th anniversary!”

The priest responded, “Giuseppe, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary?”

Giuseppe proudly replied, ” commercial real estate loans interest rates I gonna go pick her up.”

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A wife arrived home after a long shopping trip, and was horrified to find her husband in bed with a young, lovely thing. Just as she was about to storm out of the house, her husband stopped her with these words:

“Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about. Driving home, I saw this young girl, looking poor and tired, I offered her a ride. She was hungry, so I brought her home and fed her some of the roast you had forgotten about in the refrigerator.”

Her shoes were worn out so I gave her a pair of your shoes you didn’t wear because they were out of style. She was cold so I gave her that new birthday sweater you never wore even once because the color didn’t suit you.

Her slacks were worn out so I gave her a pair of yours that you don’t fit into anymore. Then as she was about to leave the house, she paused and asked, “Is there anything else that your wife doesn’t use anymore?” “And so, here we are!”


A wife goes on a retreat for work. When she returns, she finds a pair of panties in her dresser that do not belong to her. Furious, she questions her husband.

The husband says, “I have no idea where they came from I don’t do the laundry!” So, the wife goes to the maid and questions her.

Indignant, the maid replies, “Madam, how should I know? These panties don’t belong to me. I don’t even wear panties just ask your husband!”

10 Sinfully Hilarious Religious Jokes & Puns

1. How is God just like a regular man?

If you’re not on your knees, he’s not interested.

2. Abstinence makes the Church grow fondlers.

3. What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common?

Their balls are just for decoration.

4. Why did God create man?

Because a vibrator can’t mow the lawn.

5. If God created man in His own image…

He’s a fucking pervert.

6. Why does everyone pray in the aftermath of a disaster?

Hasn’t God just proved He doesn’t give a fuck?

7. If God sneezes when you meet him, what the hell do you say?

8. My husband and I divorced for religious reasons.

He thought he was God. I didn’t.

9. Don’t forget: If you never sin, Jesus died for nothin’.

10. Bacon proves God has a sense of humor.

He invents the greatest meat in the world, then bans His chosen people from eating it.

Men in Black: International

Men lilly cialis in Black: International (stylized as MIB: International in promotional material) is a 2019 American science fiction action comedy film directed by F. Gary Gray and written by Art Marcum and Matt Holloway. It is a spin-off of the Men in Black film series, which is loosely based on the Malibu/Marvel comic book series of the same name by Lowell Cunningham. The film stars Chris Hemsworth, Tessa Thompson, Kumail Nanjiani, Rebecca Ferguson, Rafe Spall, Laurent and Larry Bourgeois, and Liam Neeson. Emma Thompson reprises her role from the third film, while Tim Blaney returns to voice Frank the Pug from the first two installments.

Where did it all go wrong? While I love the first two MIB movies and respect the 3rd one, this one is a mess. The story, the plot, the villains, the characters – all fall flat! Molly, a young girl, in 1996 meets an baby alien and also witnesses her parents being neuralysed by agents of Men in Black while she helps the alien escape, avoiding neuralysation herself. This fuels her life’s desire to join the secret organization. Twenty-three years later in 2019, rejected from FBI and CIA due to her “delusions” regarding alien life, Molly tracks down an alien landing and follows MiB agents to MiB headquarters in New York City. Caught entering the agency, Molly makes an impression on Agent O, arguing that she has proven her skills and has no life outside her search for the agency. She is awarded probationary agent status as “Agent M” and assigned to the organisation’s London branch.

She meets High T (Neeson) who runs the London branch and is paired with an Agent H, who used to partner with High T. In the beginning of the film they show T & H travel to Paris to stop an invasion of the Hive – a parasitic race who invade planets by merging with the DNA of the conquered species – at the Eiffel Tower using a wormhole included in the original migration to Earth. H has since developed a God complex, unconcerned with his duties and only keeping his job due to High T covering for him. H & M are paired together because she thinks he is cute and plays him a bit to make it happen. with Vungus the Ugly, his close friend and alien royalty. During their night out with Vungus, they are accosted by mysterious alien twins able to manifest as pure energy. These energy aliens fatally injure Vungus, who gives M a strange crystal before he dies, claiming that H has changed since they last met and cannot be trusted.

It is soon obvious that there is a mole in the organization as few people knew Vungus’ location.  High T assigns Agents C and M to conduct an investigation while H is demoted to desk duty, with evidence suggesting that the alien energy twins had DNA traces of the Hive. H & M travel to Marrakesh, fight off the twins, ride a powerful hoverbike and are aided and then betrayed by one alien while getting a new ally in “Pawny”, the last survivor of a small group of aliens attacked by the Twins. In averting his honour suicide, Pawny subsequently pledges his loyalty to M. After the device is stolen from our leads, it is sold to Riza Stavros, an alien arms dealer and H’s ex-girlfriend. Travelling to Riza’s island fortress near Naples, the trio attempts to infiltrate the base, but are caught by Riza and Luca Brasi, now Riza’s second-in-command. Luca is discovered as the alien M rescued as a child. Luca returns the favour by allowing them to leave with the weapon while he keeps Riza contained. The three are then cornered by the Twins, who are killed by High T and a group of agents who had been trailing M and H.

The celebrations are cut short when H & M realize that loans on mobile homes the twins wanted the device to use as a weapon against the Hive discover High T has deleted the case file and did not send the weapon to evidence. C also realises High T’s deception and allows H and M to follow High T to the Eiffel Tower. As they travel to the wormhole, M’s questioning of H’s memory of the Hive’s defeat reveals he was neuralysed. High T reveals himself as the converted mole of the Hive and activates a wormhole to draw them to Earth. However H draws out High T’s true personality long enough for him to relinquish the ultimate weapon, allowing M to acquire the weapon, destroying High T, the wormhole and the Hive infestation trying to reach Earth. With the mission completed gent O joins H and M in Paris, where she grants M full agent status and appoints H probationary head of MiB’s London branch.

It isn’t half as funny as the original 3 or half as entertaining. It seems rushed and not well written and the thing is a shoddy mess of a movie. I hear that they had tons of problems including a director who wanted to leave and so many re-writes. The end result is just a below par version of the franchise. I give it…….6.5 outta 10!

ROSHAN’S ELEVEN : Abbott & Costello movie

Bud Abbott & Lou Costello are my favourite comedy duo. They had a long successful run as Hollywood’s hit comedic pair from 1940 until a falling out and lower critical ratings & falling popularity befell them in the ’50s.

  • Abbott & Costello Meet Frankenstein
  • Abbott bad credit unsecured loans instant decision & Costello Meet The Invisible Man
  • Abbott and Costello Meet the Mummy
  • In the Navy
  • Buck Privates
  • Pardon My Sarong
  • Hit the Ice
  • Abbott and Costello Meet Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde
  • Abbott and Costello Meet the Killer, Boris Karloff
  • Buck Privates Come Home
  • Abbott and Costello Go to Mars