TAG

Tag is a 2018 American comedy film directed by Jeff Tomsic (in his directorial debut) and written by Rob McKittrick and Mark Steilen. The film is based on a true story that was published in The Wall Street Journal about a group of grown men, played by Ed Helms, Jake Johnson, Hannibal Buress, Jon Hamm, and Jeremy Renner, who spend one month a year playing the game of tag. Annabelle Wallis, Isla Fisher, Rashida Jones, and Leslie Bibb also star.

So that’s the basis of this film, grown men – in their what seems like 40s atleast judging the ages of the actors – still playing the children’s game of tag. Hogan “Hoagie” Malloy, Bob Callahan, Randy “Chilli” Cilliano, Kevin Sable and Jerry Pierce have been playing tag since they were nine years old, starting in 1983, during the month of May. Since then, the group’s main rule of the game is that the last one tagged is “it,” until next season.  Hogan tags his CEO friend  Bob and then get their stoner friend, divorced loser Chilli and then they go get Kevin (the token black guy). Hogan reveals that their friend Jerry is planning to retire after this May as he is getting married in a few days and since Jerry has never been tagged in his life, this is the last year they can attempt it.

Rebecca Crosby, a Wall Street Journal reporter doing a piece on Bob, joins them and decides to write an article on the friends. They are also accompanied by Hoagie’s wife Anna. What follows next is hilarious attempts to tag Jerry, who is always one step or several steps away from his friends. He is athletic and agile and very clever, being the owner of his own fitness business. His wife to be, Susan, is cautiously enthusiastic but pleads to the other four that they won’t do anything at the rehearsal dinner or the actual wedding. During the rehearsal dinner, Susan reveals to the guys that she is pregnant. Also in the mix is fellow classmate  Cheryl Deakins who used to be the love interest for both Bob & Chillli at one point and both of them now try to date her as she is recently widowed.

Well in the end, after an inappropriate way to get outta of being tagged, Jerry gets married but Hoagie charges at Jerry, but narrowly misses and ends up tackling the pastor to the ground. Hoagie then loses consciousness, which Jerry thinks is a ruse, but Anna confirms that Hoagie’s condition is serious and calls for an ambulance. At the hospital it turns out that Hogan tells them the truth: he had lied about Jerry quitting after the season because he wanted to reunite with his friends after he recently discovered a tumor on his liver and has advanced liver cancer; he may not be alive for the following year. Jerry chooses to swallow his pride and allows Hoagie to tag him. The group starts the game again, running around the hospital as they did as children, and change their rules so Anna, Rebecca, and Susan can play as well.

Before the credits roll, multiple photographs and video clips are displayed, showing the real group of ten men that inspired the film, who continue to play to this day. Which I find fascinating and endearing. The film, though it started out very well lost a lot of steam later on. I found some of the humour forced and boy does Hannibal Buress look out of place in this film. It just seems like they wanted a black guy to fill out the group and found him. He was the dud in the film and is quite a bit younger than the other 4. Talk about miscasting! 7 outta 10!

Dirty Limerick Time

A right twisted wench from Caprees-ed
Orgasmed each time that she sneez-ed
To the druggist she went
And laid down her last cent
Said, “A barrel of snuff, if you pleas-ed.”

On the moors Kelly walked in a daze
There she’d bark at the moon and the haze
Still her friends weren’t concerned
For by now they had learned
Once a month she would go through this phase.
(author’s note to the ladies: She was a werewolf. Now is it funny?)

A randy marsupial named Reeves
Spent some time with the whores ‘tween their knees
When they’d lilly cialis asked him for money
He’d say “Listen honey
A koala eats bushes and leaves.”

A new farmer’s helper named Kull
Accidentally was milking a bull
The farmer said, “Boy yer dumb,
You done milked the wrong one!”
Said the boy, “But me whole bucket’s full.”

Catholic Priests & Nuns Jokes

1. Q: What kind of fun does a priest have?
A: Nun.

2. Q: How do you get rid of a nun’s hiccups???
A: Tell her she’s pregnant!!!

3. Q: What is the definition of suspicion?
A: A nun doing press-ups in a cucumber field.

4. Q: What is the definition of innocence?
A: A nun working in a condom factory thinking she’s making sleeping bags for mice.

5. Q: What do you call a nun who walks in her sleep?
A: A roaming catholic.

6. Q: What do you call a nun with a sex change operation?
A: A tran-sister.

7. Q: How do you get a nun pregnant?
A: Dress her up as an altar boy.

8.Q: What’s black and white and red and has trouble getting through a revolving door?
A: A nun with a spear through her head!

2 More Religious Jokes

A Jew, a Muslim, a Catholic, and a Mormon are shipwrecked on a small desert island. They have very little food and water, and the situation is perilous.

The Muslim finds a corner of the beach, prostrates himself, and prays to Allah for succor.

The Mormon finds a different corner and prays fervently to God.

The Catholic heads for a palm tree, sits down, and begins reciting the rosary non-stop, her beads miraculously having survived the wreck.

The Jew continues hanging out by the shore, picking up a shell now and then, and occasionally skipping rocks.

After a little while, the Muslim, Mormon, and Catholic realize that the Jew’s just idly staring off into the distance, whistling a little tune, instead of doing everything possible to get them saved. They confront the Jew and say, “Hey, you jerk! We’re all doing the best we can to get a little divine intervention here! How about you help us cover your base, eh?”

The Jew just smiles for a moment. Then she says, “Well, over the past ten years, I’ve donated about $20,000 to the Jewish Federation.”

The Catholic, outraged, replies, “So what? What does that have to do with anything?”

The Jew answers, “Don’t worry. They’ll find me.”


A man takes advantage of a deserted loans in beach by a lake to skinny dip.

Then three church ladies from the nearby local Christian congregation (insert name of church of your choice) arrive and set up a picnic lunch.  They are sitting between the lake and the man’s clothes.  They seem unaware of his presence.  He is getting tired and cold, and finally can’t stand waiting.  He grabs a towel from the shore, wraps it around his head, and runs for the spot where his clothes are.

The three church ladies all agree this is shocking.
The first church lady says, “I’m glad he is not my husband.”
The second church lady says, “I’m glad he is not my husband either.”

The third church lady says, “He’s not even a member of our congregation.”

Spare Engine

This is a classic joke, but this version is the one my uncle told me :

In England a middle-aged woman had just bought a Volkswagon Beetle and while driving home she stopped at a gas station to fuel up. As she was doing so, she popped up the hood and saw that it was empty and cried out “Oh no, someone has stolen the engine of my brand new car.”

A sardar who had bought a Beetle from the same showroom was at the same gas station and heard this. He came to console her and said  “But don’t worry, I have a spare one in the back.”

The Death of Stalin

The Death of Stalin is a 2017 political satire comedy film directed and co-written by Armando Iannucci. It stars Steve Buscemi, Simon Russell Beale, Paddy Considine, Rupert Friend, Jason Isaacs, Michael Palin, Andrea Riseborough and Jeffrey Tambor. Based on the French graphic novel La mort de Staline, the film depicts the Soviet power struggles following the death of Soviet revolutionary and politician Joseph Stalin (Adrian McLoughlin) in 1953.

The movie depicts the events that happen after Stalin’s death; which occurs after he is paralysed by a cerebral haemorrhage. At the time he was listening to the recording to a concerto music that Stalin had wanted to get a copy off and reading a note from pianist Maria Yudina hides a note in the recording for Joseph Stalin, saying he has ruined the country. The members of the Central Committee are alerted. The first to arrive are NKVD head Lavrentiy Beria, who discovers Maria’s note, and Deputy General Secretary Georgy Malenkov. As Malenkov panics, Beria guides him to take leadership, hoping to use him as a puppet.

Moscow Party Head Nikita Khrushchev arrives with the rest of the Committee, except for Foreign Minister Vyacheslav Molotov, whom Stalin added to one of his lists of enemies the night previously. Beria closes off Moscow, has the NKVD take over city security duties from the Red Army, and replaces Stalin’s enemy lists with his own, reprieving Molotov. Khrushchev and Beria struggle for symbolic victories such as control over Stalin’s unstable son Vasily and daughter Svetlana. Stalin dies, despite initially recovering briefly Khrushchev goes to Molotov’s home and attempts to enlist his support, but Molotov, a true believer in Stalinism, opposes any factionalism within the Party. Beria buys his loyalty by releasing his wife Polina Molotova from confinement. There is then a struggle for power as the funeral preparations begin.

On the day of Stalin’s funeral, Khrushchev lies to the Committee and Zhukov that he has Malenkov’s support. The Red Army overwhelms the NKVD and takes up positions outside the conference room. Zhukov and his men arrest Beria, and Khrushchev coerces Malenkov into signing the papers for Beria’s trial. Khrushchev and his allies find Beria guilty of treason and of sexual assault in a kangaroo court and execute him. As Beria’s body is burnt, Khrushchev gives Svetlana a ticket to Vienna and assures her that her brother will be cared for. Several years later, Khrushchev, now Supreme loans on mobile homes Leader of the Soviet Union after removing his co-conspirators, attends a concert given by Maria, while future leader Leonid Brezhnev watches him.

A very light-heartened look at the events of communist Russia with some absurd humour, what I was also stricken by was the American and British accents for the Russian characters. That detracted from what was a really good movie but it also lags in places and I was droning off. The best performances are by Buscemi, Friend, Tambor & Issacs. 7.5 outta 10 for me!

Deadpool 2

Deadpool 2 is a 2018 American superhero film based on the Marvel Comics character Deadpool, distributed by 20th Century Fox. It is the eleventh installment in the X-Men film series, and a sequel to the 2016 film Deadpool. The film is directed by David Leitch from a script by Rhett Reese, Paul Wernick, and Ryan Reynolds, with Reynolds starring in the title role alongside Josh Brolin, Morena Baccarin, Julian Dennison, Zazie Beetz, T.J. Miller, Brianna Hildebrand, and Jack Kesy. In the film, Deadpool forms the team X-Forceto protect a young mutant from Cable.

More violent and more funny with lots of inappropriate humour that leaves you laughing all the movie through, Ryan Reynolds is back as the Merc with the mouth. For the past two years he has been working as a mercenary killing his targets in all sorts of violent ways. On his anniversary with Vanessa, as they start to plan their family, one of the targets he missed, tracks them down and kills Vanessa (by accident; the bullet was meant for Wade). Wilson kills the man in revenge, but blames himself for her death, and attempts to commit suicide six weeks later by blowing himself up. Wilson has a vision of Vanessa in the afterlife, but the pieces of his body remain alive and are put back together by Colossus. Wilson is left with only a Skee-Ball token, an anniversary gift, as a final memento of Vanessa.

As a sort of healing, Wade joins the X-men reluctantly and Colossus, and Negasonic Teenage Warheadrespond to a standoff between authorities and the unstable young mutant Russell Collins / Firefist at an orphanage, labeled a “Mutant Reeducation Center”. Wilson realizes that Collins has been abused by the orphanage staff, and kills one of the staff members. Colossus stops him from killing anyone else, and both Wilson and Collins are arrested. Restrained with collars that negate their powers, they are taken to the “Icebox”, an isolated prison for mutant criminals. Meanwhile, a cybernetic soldier from the future, Cable, whose family Collins murdered, travels back in time to terminate the boy before Collins ever becomes a killer. Cable breaks in to the facility and fights Wade, whose collar breaks off in the melee. He attempts to defend Collins, but Cable defeats him and takes Vanessa’s token. Wilson forces himself and Cable out of the prison, but not before Collins overhears Wilson deny that he cares for the young mutant.

Near death Wade has another vision of Vanessa who urges him to help the kid. Wilson organizes a team of mutants he calls X-Force to break Collins out of a prison-transfer convoy and defend him from Cable. The team launches its assault on the convoy by parachuting from a plane, but all of the team-members except for Wilson and the lucky Domino die in the landing. While the pair fight Cable, Collins frees fellow inmate Juggernaut, who repays Collins by agreeing to help him kill the abusive orphanage headmaster. Juggernaut destroys the truck he and Collins are in and they escape. Cable offers to work with Wilson and Domino to stop Collins’ first kill, which will lead to more. He agrees to give Wilson a chance to talk Collins down before attempting to kill the boy again.

At the orphanage Juggernaut overwhelms them until Colossus, Negasonic Teenage Warhead and her girlfriend Yukio arrives to distract the huge monster. After Wilson appears to fail in talking down Collins, Cable shoots at the young mutant. Wilson leaps in front of the bullet and dies, reuniting with Vanessa in the afterlife. Seeing this sacrifice on his behalf, Collins does not kill the headmaster. This changes the future, in which Cable’s family now survives. Cable uses the last charge on his time-traveling device, which he needed for returning to his family, to go back several minutes and strap Vanessa’s token in front of Wilson’s heart before they arrive at the orphanage. This time, when Wilson leaps in front of the bullet it is stopped by the token and he survives. Collins still has his change of heart, while the headmaster is run over by Wilson’s taxi-driver friend Dopinder.

In the mid-credits scene Negasonic Teenage Warhead and Yukio repair Cable’s time-traveling device for Wilson. He uses it to save the lives of Vanessa and X-Force member Peter; kill X-Men Origins: Wolverines version of Deadpool; and kill actor Ryan Reynolds while he is considering starring in the film Green Lantern. Fucking hilarious – I am trying to think of another movie during which I laughed so hard recently and I am failing. Everyone in the theatre was rolling in the aisle with mirth. It is so damn funny. Such bad credit unsecured loans instant decision inappropriate humour and it works so well. 9.5 outta 10!