“Where Are My Grandbabies?”

I find it strange that a couple who raised their daughter under close watch & scrutinized her every move and never let her be friends with guys, let alone allow her to have a boyfriend, and ensuring that she went from home to school/college and straight back home and have almost a nil social life, is now upset that almost a year has passed since the daughter got married but she hasn’t become pregnant yet!

Maybe if you just let her have some practice she might know what to do

Some Indian parents treat their daughters mostly like “garba pathrams” (wombs) for their grand children to be conceived in! LIke her only purpose in life is to get married to the guy that they find for her, a perfect stranger, then get into bed with said perfect stranger and start making babies for her parents to play with.

“Hey, I just met you and call me crazy / but here’s my daughter / fuck her and start making babies” – ditty of those Indian parents!

2014 Indian Super League Launches

This is it. This is the trophy for which 8 newly formed teams in the inaugural Indian Super League will be fighting for. October 12th 2014 sees the start of the Indian Super League, a top tier league in Indian which features some of the best Indian players along with international stars, most though in the twilight of their careers. The league will run from October to December, with a finals series determining the champion. The formation of the league is an effort to bring some big money sponsorship to the beautiful game in India, where it stays on the sidelines both in glamour, achievements and financial benefits to cricket.

Indian football hopes that the big names and the hype will inspire more Indian footballers to spring forth from academies across the nation and also bring foreign talent, investment and investment to the next generation of footballers for us. The kind of investment that cricket has seen and hogged the limelights for so long! Unlike the majority of football leagues around the world, the ISL will not use the promotion and relegation system. Instead, the ISL will use a franchise system in which eight teams will be created to participate in the league. During the regular season, each team will play each other twice on a home and away basis. The top four teams at the end of the season will qualify for the finals series. The semi-finals will be played in a two-legged format with the winners moving onto the one-legged final. The Indian Super League will also consist of controlled rosters. Each team must sign at least one marquee player while they must also sign seven other foreigners. Of these seven foreigners, only two can be signed directly by the club with the other five coming from the foreign player draft. Each team must also have 14 Indian domestic players, four of which being local players to the city.

Above are the logos of the 8 teams. Below are some details like stadium, cities and marquee players plus coaches. I just hope this won’t become a Bollywood production and a hyped up bauble of a shame gimmick. This is India after all and with a lot of focus and news print given to the celebrity owners and stuff! The players seem almost lost in the midst of all this.

Corrupt Political Leader Found Guilty & Sentenced

Just felt that I had to add my 2 cents worth about the stunning news that seems to be on every news channel in India at the moment (mum & I have seen news reports on 6 to 7 ourselves). The news is that Tamil Nadu Chief Minister J. Jayalalithaa was sentenced today to four years in prison after being convicted in an Rs. 66-crore disproportionate assets case by a special sessions court in Bangalore. The alleged illegal wealth includes 2,000 acres of land, 30 kg of gold and 12,000 saris.  Three others were also convicted in case. Jayalalithaa, chief of the AIADMK, was also asked to pay a fine of Rs.100 crore. Jayalalithaa ceases to be MLA and CM and goes to jail tonight.

Her conviction has triggered massive protests across the state, with AIADMK workers targeting DMK supporters. Tension prevails as protesters burn effigies of DMK President M Karunanidhi, MK Stalin and MK Alagiri. AIADMK workers tear DMK party posters in various places including in Chennai and Madurai and pelt stones in Ambattur, salem, Cuddalore, Srirangam which is Jayalalithaa’s assembly constituency. Shops and commercial establishments down shutters in various parts of the state as protesters damage vehicles parked alongside roads, stoning and then burning buses. Theatres closed, malls shut in Tamil Nadu and one of her supporters tries to set herself on fire.  Normal life disrupted and the state has declared a holiday for a week. The Home Ministry has issued an advisory to the Tamil Nadu government asking it to maintain law and order. Kerala has suspended bus routes to Tamil Nadu (which is usually a heavy route).

This has been a long time coming; the case against her is 18 years old and almost everyone knows she is guilty of corruption from even before that. This just shows how corrupt our nation is – it has taken this long to ensure that justice prevails and the idiots who support her and destroying property & causing damage & nuisance are imbeciles and should be arrested and fined themselves. Sheesh!

Frogs In A Well

It’s 2014 – and yet there are people here who still judging others on different hair styles that they think look weird and ‘against the culture’ because they choose to not look like everybody else and actually have their own personality. I’m talking about afros and dreadlocks. Are these backward thinking idiots frogs in a well? It’s disheartening to know that our people haven’t grown up at all that they criticize and poke fun of someone who is remotely different.

My parents watch this Malayalam talk show that has, in the past, had some really good topics. However they also have episodes that drive me bat shit crazy. Like this one they were watching this morning – the host had several people brought in who have “alternative hairstyles”; alternative to the regular norm that is seen in Kerala & India. There were guys into rock/metal, reggae etc and they had long hair, afros and dreadlocks. The host was teasing and making fun of these hair styles and their outfits and comparing them to mythical creatures! Really? The audience was mostly filled with old, narrow minded people who looked upon these men and a couple of young boys, as if they feared that they would catch some disease from them.

And the old ladies would say stuff like “in my time we wouldn’t have allowed them to walk on the streets like this blah blah blah” and all. “This is not our culture and/or against our culture” Well I guess that’s what people said when they introduced shirts, trousers and proper hygienic toilets to us as well! They think they are still in the 16th century. Well throw away your tvs and computers, throw away your clothes and houses and go and live in huts with holes in the ground for toilets and wear single white sheets around your waists for clothes. Get sold to a guy your father chooses for you in exchange for 2 cows or goats, or get married at the age of 8 to your spouse who is 9! Whatever! Fuck off!

Internet Hoaxes – Best National Anthem

As one more friend shared this stupid silly hoax message on their Facebook page I just must jot down my 2 cents about this issue. Since 2008 there was an email being shared around the net among Indians and on Orkut, Facebook & Twitter once Social media took off. On a design-less simple white background it says congratulations to all of us Indians as UNESCO has declared the Indian national anthem, Ja Na Ga Na Mana, to be the best national anthem in the world. It then says “proud to be an Indian” and to share this message.

First of all – what???!! What the fuck! And normally smart people have fallen for this hoax! It’s not real and yet this shit hasn’t died out since 2008!!! Alarmingly silly and shows just how easy it is to spread a hoax as long as it sounds pleasing and appeals to your ego. Nationalistic ego I might add. A little research will show you that the statement is not true and it is in fact a hoax.

India Today magazine, even wrote UNESCO about these stories and got a confirmation message from UNESCO that these messages are simply hoax, and that they did not select Indian or for that matter any national anthem as the best in the world.

A Food Map Of India

An awesome map of the culinary delights from each state in India. Ofcourse for such a large number of people this list is incomplete but then I guess it would be hard to fit all of the deliciousness on one map. Still it’s a good start for foodies and the gastronomically inclined to try out.

The Outstretched Hand

Should you help homeless people? Why or why not?

I know all the arguments against giving money to the beggars and homeless people here.

  • They are playing on your sentiments
  • They are part of a network of beggars and homeless people and the money that they collect goes to a group leader / boss
  • The women beg and collect money and their worthless husbands beat it outta them and then go and drink it at a toddy shop/bar. And then they come back home drunk as a skunk and beat their wives some more!
  • Giving money to the women and or men will only encourage them to not get a job and better their lives but continue on living on the kindness of people.
  • Do not give money to beggars who are children – their parents, especially their no good fathers are using them to make money and the cash that they get from begging goes to fuel the dad’s drinking habits.
  • Women beggars usually have 2 to 3 “husbands” and they make babies only to prey on your kindness and to make even more pitiful images of themselves thus making you shell out more money that you want to
  • It’s a business and they are tricking you by playing on your emotions

etc etc…. but if you have seen the look on their faces it is hard to ignore. Especially when you are walking into or out of a fast food joint / restaurant / cafe and they point to their belly and then their mouth and show their palm in a begging motion, meaning that they haven’t had food for a while. Add a small kid to the mix and I can’t help it. Lately I’ve been giving more money than usual because I’ve been struggling financially myself and yet I have plenty to eat so I feel bad for them. I cannot say no to them.

Prompt from unsecured payday loans the Daily Post at WordPress.com.

Happy 68th Independence Day India

1. National flag was hoisted first on August 7, 1906 at the Parsee Bagan Square in Calcutta. The flag was composed of horizontal strips of red, yellow and green. The red strip at the top had eight white lotuses embossed on it in a row. The green strip had a white sun on the left and a white crescent and star on the right.

2. The name `India’ is derived from the River Indus, the valleys around which were the home of the first inhabitants of India. The Sanskrit name for India is Bharat Ganarajya. That is the reason why it is also called Bharat. The name “India” comes from the Indus River, which is where earliest settlers made their homes.

3. The current flag has three colours in it. The top strip saffron stands for courage and sacrifice; the middle portion white for peace, truth, purity and green for faith, fertility and chivalry. The Ashok Chakra at the centre of the flag — righteousness.

4. India never invaded any country in her last 100000 years of history.

5. It is said that the first version of the current national flag was made by Pingali Venkayya at Bezwada in 1921. It was made up of two colours-red and green-representing the two major communities. Gandhiji suggested the addition of a white strip to represent the remaining communities of India and the spinning wheel to symbolize progress of the Nation.

RIP Zohra Segal

The grand ole dame of Indian movie & television has left us. Indian actress & choreographer Zohra Segal died yesterday at the age of 102 in a New Delhi hospital on July 10, 2014 due to cardiac arrest. Sehgal started her career as a dancer in Uday Shankar’s troupe, performing in countries like the United States and Japan. She went onto appear in numerous Bollywood films as a character actress with a career-span of over 60 years. Considered the doyenne of Indian theatre, she acted with Indian People’s Theatre Association (IPTA) and Prithviraj Kapoor’s Prithvi Theatre for 14 years. She was awarded the Padma Shri in 1998, Kalidas Samman in 2001, and in 2004, the Sangeet Natak Akademi. India’s National Academy for Music, Dance and Drama presented her with its highest award, the Sangeet Natak Akademi Fellowship for lifetime achievement. She received the Padma Vibhushan, India’s second-highest civilian honor, in 2010. She has also acted in English-speaking films such as Bend It Like Beckham.

She was born as Sahibzadi Zohra Begum Mumtaz-ullah Khan on 27 April 1912, the 3rd of 7 children, into a traditional Muslim family in Saharanpur, Uttar Pradesh, India, to Mumtazullah Khan and Natiqua Begum, belonging to a Rohilla Pathan family of Rampur, Uttar Pradesh, India. She lost her mother while still young and studied at Queen Mary College in Lahore. Upon graduating, her maternal uncle, Sahebzada Saeeduzzafar Khan, who was based in Edinburgh, arranged for her to apprentice under a British actor. She stayed in Dresden for the next three years studying modern dance. On 8 August 1935, she joined Uday Sankar’s dance troupe and danced across Japan, Egypt, Europe and the US, as a leading lady, along with French dancer, Simkie. she became a teacher at the Uday Shankar India Cultural Centre at Almora. It was here that she met her future husband Kameshwar Sehgal, a young scientist, painter and dancer from Indore, eight years her junior, belonging to the Radha Soami sect. There was initial opposition from her parents, but they eventually gave their approval for the union.

After her husband’s death in 1959, Zohra first moved to Delhi and became director of the newly founded Natya Academy. She then moved London on a drama scholarship in 1962. Her first role for British television was in a BBC adaptation of a Kipling story, The Rescue of Pluffles, in 1964. She also anchored 26 episodes of BBC TV series, Padosi (Neighbours; 1976–77). She then went on to star in Merchant Ivory film The Courtesan of Bombay & went on to appear in The Raj Quartet, The Jewel in the Crown, Tandoori Nights, My Beautiful Laundrette. In the 90s she returned to India and has acted in several Bollywood and English language films with Indian backgrounds. Throughout the majority of her life she has been either agnostic or atheist.

Zohra Sehgal (27 April 1912 – 10 July 2014)

I Am South Indian, Not East Indian

An online chat with someone, an American, I recently met through a Facebook group.

He : Are you East Indian?

Me : No I am South Indian.

He : Where’s that?

Me : South part of India

He : Yeah but you are East Indian, right? From India?

Me : No, I am South Indian from India. My home state is Kerala which is in the south. If I were from West Bengal, Bihar, Jharkhand, Odisha and also the union territory Andaman and Nicobar Islands, then I would be an East Indian!

He : No! Indians from India are called East Indians.

Me : I am Indian. And I am South Indian. Because I am from the south unsecured credit loan part of India.

He : This confusing! I’ll talk to you later!

The Ridiculous Behaviour Of Indian Cricket Fans

A huge bunch of Indians can be an intolerant & idiotic lot who sit in their mighty big well and believe that the world outside does not exist. This latest incident just highlights the moronic behavior of these assholes. Maria Sharapova earned the wrath of some Indian cricket fans who were miffed when she replied “I don’t” when an interviewer asked her if she knew who Sachin Tendulakr was. The reason the question was asked was because Tendulkar was in the stands along with some other other major celebrities including David Beckham. Sharapova knows who Beckham is and has met him a few times but being a Russian, who has also spent a lot of time in the US, she is not a cricket fan and is unaware of the man considered and called rather ridiculously as the ‘god of cricket’ by most Indian cricket fans as well as some abroad.

The response of these miffed idiots was to litter social media and in particular Maria’s official Facebook page with abuses, taunts and spam to show that they are are ignorant & intolerant bunch of idiots! They started a hastag in Twitter called #whoismariasharapova and the story of this incident was carried in numerous websites and the comments in some of them can shame the rest of us Indians who know how to differentiate between an insult and someone not knowing a sportsstar from a sport she does not follow and has no interest in.  Indians would not major stars of some other sports but cricket, tennis & football – yes they do know! And that’s because those sports are popular here. It’s simple logic and yet this simpleness escapes the “brains” of these idiots.

The behaviour of some section of Indian cricket fans is typical of the ignorance / rudeness / backward thinking of some sections of our society. This whole ‘incident’ has highlighted not Maria Sharapova’s ignorance of a sport that is celebrated in only a few nations but the fact that some Indians know nothing about the rest of the world! Most non-cricket playing nations would be hard pressed to name Tendulkar or any other top cricketer. It’s like ice hockey or baseball – 99% of Indians do not know the name of the NHL legends or the baseball greats whereas even little kids in Canada and the US will know their fav sport personalities and same for European & South American nations. I don’t like cricket, I personally couldn’t care any less about it. The only reason I know Sachin & Dravid and them players is because I live in India where these names are on constant rotation on tv, newspapers & social media. Stop acting like idiots and behave like decent human beings!

Power Cuts – Scheduled & Unscheduled

For those of you who don’t know for us over here we have Scheduled Power Cuts – every years just before the monsoon starts the Kerala State Electricity Board runs short of power due to (a) overuse (b) mismanagement (c) unpredicted consumption (d) water levels lower than expected and usually (e) rains not filling the reservoirs enough. Take your pick it’s usually a combination of 2 or 3 of the five. So this year as well we started running short of power and hence they announced that we’d have power cuts again. I think we started in May and we had a scheduled power cut of 30 minutes in the evening every alternate day to conserve power. That seemed fine and they announced that they would stop it after 2 weeks. Ok, but then it was brought back again but instead of 30 minutes every alternate day KSEB says it has to be every day for all over Kerala. Ok and then a week or so later they increased it to 45 minutes every evening. They would changed the timings for you so that you don’t lose power at the same time every week.

And then the rains came and although initially it was plentiful it started trickling off in a few days and it was just a few hours during the week. But June 12 the World Cup started and ofcourse the government listened to the cries of the people and ensured that KSEB wouldn’t schedule the power cuts post 9:30 pm (usually it’s between 6pm to 11pm) and they complied. So that’s about scheduled power cuts, this week we have the scheduled time of 6:30 pm to 7:15 pm while last week it was 8pm to 8;45 pm. But KSEB in all these crooked bumbling fucking idiotness fucks things up for us. Rather than stick to the scheduled power cuts they have random unscheduled power cuts. And that can happen at any time of the day! Last week we had power failures for an hour at 2:30 am on two consecutive days. For no reason! And then it goes out in the day. Today we lost power at 3;30 pm and it came back only by 4:45 pm – and you’d think that they could skip our area for the 45 minutes scheduled power outage right? Oh no, KSEB with their collective fucking cocks in their hands have to stick to their schedule but guess what ? Instead of 45 minutes it was one whole FUCKING HOUR again!Motherfuckers!

Fuck you KSEB, you lying sonsofbitches! Stick your cocks into a live socket and die!

Reliance’s Poor, Pathetic Attempts At Customer Care

They have done it again. Just when I think that Reliance Broadband’s customer care service cannot get any worse – they surprise me and become even more pathetic! My internet connection went down on Friday afternoon at around 1pm or so. I called up Reliance’s customer care at around 1:30 pm to make a complaint but the line kept getting disconnected. Finally I had to call the local tech guy’s office and have them register a complaint on my behalf, using the online tool. But 24 hours later – no contact from Reliance. Fail #1! So I called the call center on Saturday evening and asked what happened . Agent says “No idea” so I asked to get transferred to a floor supervisor. This guy listened to me for 20 minutes and promised me a call back, after checking with the technical department, either later that night or  by Sunday afternoon. And guess what – he does not call me back! Fail #2!

So a senior customer care representative promises a call back to a customer and he does not deliver! Wow, that is bad. But wait there’s more. On Sunday I called their call center again by the afternoon and spoke to a young lady- she too, after checking the status of the complaint – said that I would get a call back from a technical employee if the connection is not restored by 6pm. 6pm came and went and no call back and no internet connection – Fail # 3! I called the call center at night and spoke to an agent and for 1 hour he tried to transfer my call to a supervisor on my request. No supervisor was available to take my call and yet they did not call me back either – Fail #4!

On Monday, I called the appellate complaint desk and raised a separate complaint and told the guy that picked up all that had happened. He too promised me a call back by 4pm-5pm that day – it did not materialize and so Fail #5! So I called the appellate desk again later that day and asked the lady who picked up what the delay was all about and why was I not given a call back. She replied “Problem might take upto 4 days to resolve sir, and call back was not mentioned in the comments by the previous person!” WHAT THE FUCK!!

Finally today, while I was away at the hospital, some jerk from their technical section calls me up and says “Has the problem been resolved?” NO hello, no introduction – just a demand to know if the problem is resolved! I told him that I was away so he said he will call back later in the afternoon. By 3pm they came to my apartment and were let in by my dad and apparently the problem was resolved because, hey I am typing this on my home system.

This is the lousiest, most ridiculous and pathetic attempt at customer care service provided by any company in my experience!

Game Of Groans!

Think about an object, an activity, or a cultural phenomenon you really don’t like. Now write a post (tongue in cheek or not — your call!) about why it’s the best thing ever.

Ok this is, like the prompt says, a tongue in cheek post, and the thing that I really don’t like are Kerala Hindu weddings. I’m not gonna follow the prompt and tell you why it’s the best thing ever; I’m just gonna tell you what I don’t like them. I’m gonna stick with Hindu weddings, as opposed to Christian or Muslim weddings which bore me as well but I haven’t attended many of those anyway. But coming from a Hindu family in Kerala I have been to many, many weddings in Kerala although it has been a few years since I have attended one. By my own choice, I don’t go to them. And here’s why:

They are fucking boring! I get pissed off at these weddings. Most of them are the same boring affair, unless you have the actual ceremony done in a temple with just the close family members and then have the function at another venue. I hate that most of them are during the hot summer months and it’s so hot outside and even in a wedding hall they have very personal loan rate uk few fans and they don’t do much to help you anyway as they are usually so high up. So it’s almost noon and the wedding ceremony is over and it’s hot as hell in Kerala and what’s up next – right the wedding lunch! And what is usually served? Fucking heaps of hot, hot rice with equally hot curries and then hot payasam. How do you expect to do anything else after that?

Plus there’s always the same kind of band with the same stupid song/music playing. So boring and predictable and with some ole poojari saying the same ole BS over a fire. Then the people who are supposed to get married are announced as being married and then the people in the audience who want to get home quickly rush to get seats at the first serving for lunch and leave the hall as soon as they can, after saying something to the new bride & groom. And the talk is mostly predictable at these weddings with the same ole uncles, aunties and nobodies who you only get to see at such functions. And you grin and bear it and hope you can get home soon so you can cool down! Not for me, I don’t go for these functions anymore.

Prompt from the Daily Post at WordPress.com.

Reliance Customer Care Connection Issue

Dear Reliance broadband customer care,

Or should I call it Reliance Broadband customer uncaring department. For the past almost a month your customer care call center is not available to customers in Kerala. It has become a tiresome and tedious issue when it comes to contacting you for either a complaint or a request or information on said complaint or request. For the past  4 weeks whenever I try calling your contact number 180030007777 I only get the IVR. I tried to register a complaint through the IVR, which does not seem to work and trying to get through to speak to an agent is a futile experiment.

My modem died out on me on Tuesday morning (29th April) and I tried calling the customer care call center but I wasn’t getting through. From 9:45 am on Tuesday till 3pm I kept calling but to no avail. I get connected to the IVR, enter all the numbers that you want me to and wait till I get connected to a customer care agent – but it just keeps saying “All our customer care representatives are busy on calls, kindly stay online, your call is important to us”!. For 3 WHOLE FAYS this is all I got. I stayed connected for 30 minutes at a stretch, waiting in the queue but I can’t get through. I kept putting my phone on speaker mode and continue doing other stuff, listening to the IVR saying the same thing over and over again for the past 3 days “I’m sorry! All our customer care representatives are still busy on calls. Please stay online. ” After 30 minutes the call gets disconnected and I try again. At 3pm I stopped dialling their call center and waited till 6pm and tried again, same thing till about 11pm.I had to go to a reliance hub where they couldn’t even listen to my complaint but gave me another number for broadband and then someone came to my residence and changed the mode.

Then now yesterday morning you suspended my account for delay of payment post due date. Fair enough (although no warning and this is the first time that you have done that). I went and paid my bill at a Reliance center and they promised me that it would be activated automatically but it wasn’t. Again I called the local number but they only work till 6pm. Your call center = ofcourse does not wok beyond the IVR. I had to call the appellate desk and have them transfer my call this morning to your call center to register a complaint and was given the information that you have shut down one of you call centers in Bangalore and hence customers ins Kerala (and some other states) cannot get through – due to technical issues. What kind of lousy service is this?

Shape up and get your things in order. Now I know you won’t bother to contact me (two years as your customer has taught me that but atleast your service was prompt and good so it didnt matter) but I hope you will read this and do something.

Sincerely yours
Roshan Gopal Krishnan

Sundown In The Queen Of The Arabian Sea

Ah, sunset. You are more beautiful & expansive than my humble 5mp camera on my phone can ever capture. Mother nature, Earth, universe – I am but a tiny dust in the wind in the billions of years post the big bang and cannot even begin to describe the grand vastness & awesome of the universe. But one thing is for sure – I will never insult you by crediting all this wonderfulness to some non-existent, insolent deity or deities in the sky who is/are too incompetent & impotent to create anything at all!

All photos were taken on my BlackBerry Bold 9870’s 5 mega pixel camera this evening loan low income about a quarter to 7pm.