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Old Photo Album

What’s the oldest thing you own? (Toys, clothing, twinkies, Grecian urns: anything’s fair game.) Recount its history — from the object’s point of view.

The oldest thing I own is probably a very old photo album that my parents gave me many years ago. It is pretty old maybe 30 plus years old as I remember I was not even 10 at the time. It is filled with photos of me, me with my sister and parents, me with my uncle and aunt and friends I grew up with during my childhood. These photos were all taken from the time that I was a baby to the age of 11.

This is my childhood in a large album. I will never be as innocent and cute as I was back then. I had a very happy childhood and I know that we can never be as happy and carefree as we were when we were kids. This is a reminder of a happier times and a more simpler and gentler times. When you felt safest and like nothing could ever go wrong with your world. When you did not know any better.

This is the oldest thing I own. And it could very well be the most precious thing I own.

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Litmus, Litmus on the Wall

If you had to come up with one question, the answer to which would determine whether or not you could be friends with a person you’ve just met, what would it be? What would the right answer be?

I dunno what question I could possibly ask. What one question can I put as a test to someone I’ve just met to determine if they could be a friend or not? “Are you going to be an asshole when we don’t agree on something?” I dunno but that might be a good starting point.

I guess a small conversation which reveals a lot about the person is something I would prefer. There are people who within one meeting I can gauge that they are a good person and are usually very reasonable and yet there are several other folks who it takes a long time to really get to know and only after a while what kind of person they really are and if you can be friends with them. So it really depends on the person you are talking about and even you.

Therefore I think it is best to give people a while and really get to know them before you trust them completely and open up to them.

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Spending An Afternoon In Lulu

So, I missed posting this on Saturday evening as my internet was down until late night and on Sunday I plum forgot about it. Anyways, I woke up at 10am on Saturday and post coffee, a shave and shower I booked an Uber and went to Lulu Mall in Edapally. I was there to watch a movie (Hidden Figures) which was at 2pm. As I reached there just before 1pm, I had enough time to have a leisurely lunch and went to Bloomsbury which is right next to the PVR section.

Although I had my heart set on one of their pizzas, looking at the size of them made me doubt if I could finish one on my own and hence I went with a delicious pasta instead. I had the spaghetti alfreddo which was delicious and creamy and had grilled chicken chunks in it along with black olives. It would have been amazing but it needed more salt and so I added salt and pepper. I also had a shake before my food. I relaxed and people watched and later I walked around a bit until 2pm and went in to the theatre with my caramel popcorn and pepsi and enjoyed a really good movie.

During the intermission, Gopika who was also in the theatre saw me and we met after the movie. We talked for a while after which we went to Hypermart and did some shopping. I bought a few essentials and a few food items like mushrooms and stuff and then I treated her to an ice cream at Cold Stone and then we parted ways at 6pm when I booked an Uber and came back home. It was a good visit to Lulu.

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The Extra Room

An extra room has magically been added to your home overnight. The catch: if you add more than three items to it, it disappears. How do you use it?

Hmm I guess I would make it a kind of media room and I will decorate it with just three items in order for it to remain here.

First I will get a really big and comfy sofa that comes with soft leather ottomans. In front of that I would have a 60 inch flat screen led smartv so I can watch cable or my movies/tv shows in style. That would be a great way to relax and get entertained. So now, what about the third?

For the 3rd item I am torn between a minifridge or bar area and a large DVD / BluRay shelf. I am not sure which one I would go for. Probably the latter since I only do some drinking at home. But it would be nice to have your own little bar area.

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Once More On The Same Road

Valentine’s day is hard for the single and lonely. It’s harder when you are single and lonely and you do have feelings for someone who does not share it. Over the years I have fallen in love, been loved and been heart broken. I have had unrequited love and affection and I have had my crushes. But I have always been the one at the losing end.

At times I have come to feel and even accept the fact that I will forever be alone. I am not good enough or lucky enough to find that one woman who will love me and be with me for the rest of her life. I have had incredible bad luck in this department which led me to understand that it will never work out for me. I have been searching….well not really searching more like waiting for the right one. But I always fall for the wrong one. I found myself at the age of 40 falling for a much young woman. She is everything I could have ever hoped for. But for several reasons, ofcourse the age being the biggest thing, I know it was not possible even from the very first day that I started feeling something for her.

It has made me feel guilty as well for having these feelings. I was ok for a while, having settles into bachelor life and my loneliness and suddenly it all turned tospy-turvy. I shouldn’t have to go through this yet again. But it did happen. Someday this will pass. But until that day that I can move on, I carry on. Once again.

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The Anti-Bucket List

What are the top items on your anti-bucket list — those things you never, ever want to do, places you never want to visit, books you never want to read, etc.?

This is interesting. Usually I have heard of bucket lists that people prepare and I have been asked my own bucket list. Though I have never ever sorted out an official bucket list for myself – I know what I want and I have a few things that I feel that I must do before the end but never written it down anywhere – we all have things that we know what we just would want to do before we die.

So here goes a few things on my anti-bucket list

  • never want to be arrested
  • never want to watch Twilight (all the movies)
  • and Transformers
  • no interest in Dr. Who either
  • never want to go to Saudi Arabia
  • never want to be a brown-noser
  • never want to be a hypocrite
  • never want to go to overly religious sites

I guess this list will get bigger as time passes by. For now this is it.

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Procrastination Destination

We all procrastinate. Website, magazine, knitting project, TV show, something else — what’s your favorite procrastination destination?

The internet ofcourse! It’s obvious that we all are online a little too much and I spend more than my fair share online. Especially Facebook and Youtube. I am addicted to them both. I know I shouldn’t spend as much time as I do on them but I just can’t stop.

Youtube is the big one for me. I subscribe to a lot of channels and I make my own videos as well and there are so many videos that I watch over and over again. It’s a lot of fun and I do not plan on stopping anytime soon. I can spend hours going through Youtube videos and on my days off when I stay at home that’s what I do. In between I will watch a movie or two or some tv show episodes But yeah that’s what I do.

Sometimes I get late to go somewhere or get ready because I am in the middle of some Youtube video watching. Sleep comes second as well. And I love my procrastination destination.

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The Young(??) And The Rested

When was the last time you felt truly rejuvenated and energized? What made you feel that way?

To be honest the last time I felt like that was last year towards the middle of February. 2016 almost a year ago to this day. That is a long time to ever have to feel like that. After 2 months of really long, long hours at work and barely getting much time to myself except for the weekends I got a 6 day off period from work. In this industry we rarely get holidays and since I usually fall sick and have to take 2 sick days a month (I celebrate when I don’t have to take a sick leave in a month or keep it to just one a month) and hence I usually have just a few days off in my leave count anyways.

But that time, I had quite a few days in my kitty and I wanted a few days off. I wanted 9 including two weekends so basically I just wanted a 5 day week off. But I only got 4 since my boss wanted me back in the office on the Friday. Still getting 6 days off was a good thing. I didn’t do much on those 6 days but slept and enjoyed myself. I went shopping on two days and the other 4 days I was lazy as hell. Watched a bunch of stuff on tv and a few movies and I was so rejuvenated. I wish I could get a few days off like that again.

Last December I took 2 days off just before the weekend and in total the 4 days gave me some much needed rest. But I rarely can stay away from work related and things that bother me. So my mind is always occupied. I need a big recharge. This coffee just isn’t doing it.

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All Or Nothing At All

“Perhaps when we find ourselves wanting everything, it is because we are dangerously close to wanting nothing.” — Sylvia Plath. Which do you find more dangerous: wanting nothing, or wanting everything?

I think it’s a catch 22 type of situation if you want it all. Wanting everything means that you will likely never be satisfied because you are always planning and waiting for the things that you don’t have. If you want to keep the next achievement or award or whatever it is that you want as a way to challenge and motivate yourself then I think it’s pretty healthy to do so as long as you also appreciate what it is that you do have and take some moments to cherish them.

Wanting nothing at all is so dangerous. It’s not human at all to not want or desire. That is what fuels us and gives us purposes. It need not be money or fame or anything like that. It can be wanting a peaceful existence or wanting happiness and joy and having a wonderful family life. If you do not want anything at all then you are dead inside, a hollow shell of a being. How can you not want something? No way can a human being want nothing. If they do say so they are liars.

It’s a good balance to have though if you are satisfied with what you have and yet also look forward to something more. Means you will work on it. You will improve yourself and your surroundings. You have a passion to reach out for.

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The Week That Is

Think about what you wanted to accomplish last week. Did you? What are the things that hold you back from doing everything you’d like to do?

I had a couple of things I wanted to do this past week – well work week anyway. I had applied a few days before for an internal job posting at the company I work for and I had two interviews set for this Monday and Wednesday. I had my first round, a presentation round on Monday at 7 pm which eventually became almost 7:45 pm due to some issues. Anyway I completed that and I think did well enough. On Wednesday I had a personal interview round which was a casual affair.

That done I was on a complimentary off on Thursday for having worked on the previous Thursday which was Republic Day. As the clients were in the office I had to come in for work and I could take this Thursday for some personal reasons. I also went to KFC in the evening and bought some take away. It was a busy day though. The other thing I wanted to achieve isn’t completed yet. I wanted to get a couple of people who I am close to job interviews at a company or two using my contacts. One was done and she is through now I am waiting for the second one to attend the same. It will have to be on Monday next.

And that’s about it. I also sold my previous phone, my BlackBerry Q10, and using that money to get some ships for my Star Trek collection. Today is relaxing at home and tomorrow I will go out and watch a movie.

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New Dawn

How often do you get to (or have to) be awake for sunrise? Tell us about what happened the last time you were up so early (or late…).

I rarely am awake at sunrise though it is often a funny, weird feeling to be awake at that time. During the odd days that I am awake because of work I am usually too tired to even worry about something like get a cup of coffee and go stand in the balcony and watch the sunrise.

But yes I have done that at times when I am at home and usually alone. I have had some other days when sleep either fails me or I happen to wake up early and it usually is very quiet. I usually will switch on a movie or some tv show – once I actually watched an Iron Maiden special and a couple of times I have watch comedy standups. Anything really. And yes I have gotten that coffee and gone to the balcony.

I do like being awake at that time and enjoying some quiet time by myself. It’s ok once in a while.

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Born to Be With You

Got a soul-mate and/or a best friend? What is it about that person that you love best? Describe them in great detail — leave no important quality out.

No I do not have one. I wish I did. At times I thought I had found her. I never have any luck in this department. Not that I have the best of luck in other areas either. But I guess I am destine to be alone and never find the one that will be with me. I have been in love before and I have had love given to me. I have been in a relationship or two but it has been a very long time since. And it is lonely.

I’ve recently fallen for a young lady, a girl really. She is quite younger than me. I never meant for it to happen but over several months I met her and got to know her and become really close and I feel like I shouldn’t have fallen for her especially with the age difference but it happened. And I have been even more lonely because of that. Knowing that I can not do anything about it was tough; telling her how I felt about it has been even tougher. I wasn’t expecting anything from it but I just felt that I had to, to explain some of my actions. I adore her and I feel bad about it.

I guess it means that I will never learn. Another heartache comes and I know it will eventually go away. But the hurt will still remain and so will the loneliness. Of wishing that it would happen for me someday. I guess it won’t and that hurts a lot. I hope that someday I can find myself not caring anymore- it would make things so much more easier.

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The Greatest Fear

People are afraid of all kinds of things: spiders, the dark, or being enclosed in small spaces. Tell us about your greatest fear — rational or irrational.

Fear of failure. I have had two terrible periods of time in my life where that came true and I was miserable and lost and it felt like I was a burden to the world and family and society and that it would have been better if I had never existed. That is a terrible thing to go through.

I have this fear, which I feel is rooted in reality and that it will come true, that once my parents pass away I am going to be all alone. I will live the rest of my life alone as a lonely old bachelor who has no one to come home to. That I will spend my weekends and holidays alone at home hoping for some friend or relative who will be free to have lunch / dinner or a few drinks. I will retire from work and live a lonely secluded life with just the internet, music and movies/tv shows to keep me company.

Ofcourse those things are important but at the end of the day I will be alone. All alone and I will die alone.

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Wall To Wall

What do you display on the walls of your home — photos, posters, artwork, nothing? How do you choose what to display? What mood are you trying to create?

Currently I just have two things up – I have a painting of a ship on the ocean given to me at one of my previous places of work and a larger 3d picture of two birds sitting on a tree given to me on my 34th birthday by my team at another previous place of work. We have a few other artwork in the living room.

Growing up in my bedroom back in our family’s home in Thrikkakara for the longest time I had rock band and musician posters up on my wall. Some football and tennis posters too. My room at a time was the source of envy for many because I took great care in arranging them and even adults at the time would say that they couldn’t have done a better job.

Now I prefer it bare and anyways I have a bookshelf of my favourite starships on display in my room. And that is more than enough for me.

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Nasty Cold Almost Gone

The last couple of days have been a pain in the ass……both literally and figuratively! I hurt my butt  (well more like lower back) by falling asleep on a hard object most likely my inhaler because that has happened before. Thursday was fine but since Friday my ass has been hurting!

Thursday I was on leave and in the evening I was attending an impromptu birthday party for my cousin who was turning 50. We went to the rooftop restaurant in Mercy Estate and the 16 of us were eating and drinking. In the cold evening air and two large cold beers must have contributed and I woke up on Friday morning with a nasty cold. I went to work but was still feeling ill on Saturday morning. I slept most of the day or lay in bed watching some tv and also slept quite a bit.

I feel a bit more better today though the pain in my ass is still there. Today will be more movies and sleep and watching a football match in the evening. Early bed time too.

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Texture

Textures are everywhere: The rough edges of a stone wall. The smooth innocence of a baby’s cheek. The sense of touch brings back memories for us. What texture is particularly evocative to you?

Lots of things. The touch of cool, clean sheets on my naked body, the feel of a soft but firm pillow. Nice clean clothes on you. The feel of a woman’s body next to yours, the touch of her smooth hand on your skin. That human touch is the most evocative and the most natural, nurturing and joyful.

The scent, the smell, the touch of skin on skin just cannot be beat. There is no greater feeling in the world when two loving humans are together and as bare as the day they were born. No dirty stuff intended but that naked touch is part of our nature. It is in our basic dna that we crave that touch.

Lets give in to that feeling that we crave.

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Meeting The Offspring For Lunch

Today I met my daughters for lunch. Ok, not my real daughters. These are two young ladies who I had trained at the office and were in the same company as me, until they quit back in April of 2016. But they are very close to me and I am close to them. Their names are Gopika and Athira.

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They are 24 and 23 years old and because of the age difference they jokingly called me daddy and the name stuck and now that’s all that they call me. I was made fun of and teased at the office like crazy because of these two but it was all fun. Even for me too, even though I would get red with embarrassment and blush! But I love them as they love me. Even their family know that I am called daddy – much to my even more embarrassment.

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We met at 12pm for lunch at Center Mall. First we sat and talked for a while then I treated them to pizza at Pizza Hut and later ice cream sundaes. Around half the people in the mall thought I really was their father because these two would loudly call me that!

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At the entrance. I was talking to these girls when this hot chick passed by. When they saw me looking at her , they loudly started saying “Daddy, daddy”! That chick turned around and looked at us and I was standing there with egg on my face. Hehehehe, all in a day’s work for dad.

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That Feeling

Tell us about the last thing you got excited about — butterflies-in-the-stomach, giggling, can’t-wait excited.

I honestly cannot remember the last thing I got really excited about. It’s been a while. I can’t remember even getting that excited about starting this job, my current one, when I got selected for it after several months of joblessness. Even my last two phones and my current laptop which I got over a year back.

Ok, I do get excited for things that I buy – my very first Star Trek starship which was the USS Enterprise D in particular was a very exciting thing as it was my first after waiting for such a long, long time. Movies that I have been looking forward to for a while offers some excitement but not butterflies-in-the-stomach kind. I wonder what will it take for me, at this stage of my life, to get that kind of feeling again.

I have applied for a different post at my office this past week and I am looking forward to attending the interview rounds and seeing if I get it. And if I do I also want to see how I can do at it and that does offer some excitement. But it’s just a job though I have to see how much more money I can get from it. Still no butterflies!

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