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Rude, Loud & Idiotic!

I am a bit concerned about the current generation of young boys and girls. I was at a small internet cafe that is located about less than a minute’s walk away from my building. The cafe owner also has digital scanning, photo copying and DTP in the shop plus he also has a few new connections for mobile companies like Airtel and Reliance as well as recharge options for their prepaid customers. As I had a requirement for getting some documents scanned I walked over this morning at around 10 am.

While I was there I waited in line for the scanning as there was a young lady in front of me as well as an older gentleman who had handed over some files to be photocopied and left for a while. After the girl left it was my turn and just then 4 lads of about 17-18 walked in. They must be 17-18 in my opinion though they looked kinda immature for that age as well but one of them had a full scruffy beard so I am guessing they were around 18. And they were loud and obnoxious and talked way too much for anyone’s liking. From their loud talk I got the idea that they were in town to right some exams (perhaps an entrance exam or something) and they wanted to check something online.

These guys have no sense of personal space or any decency or manners! Fucking hell parents in Kerala, what the fuck are you teaching your kids these days? I was never the “perfect gentleman” and neither were my friends but at that age and younger or even older, we knew how to behave in public. I would never be so rude enough to stand at the table and bend over to check what the owner of the cafe was typing. The rudeness is shocking! They can’t stand at a respectful distance from someone else. They won’t know how! They can’t wait their turn and start loudly asking for what they want even if there are people in front of them. And no one else wants to hear your conversation so speak at a lower level you assholes!

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Buyers Beware!

The year is 2243, and your computer’s dusty hard drive has just resurfaced at an antique store. Write a note to the curious buyer explaining what he or she will find there.

23rd century and we are in 21 years before the Star Trek TOS era. So, it’s very close to the upcoming Star Trek Discovery era and 91 years after Enterprise launches. See, this is the way the mind of a hard core Trekkie works!

Anyways, back to the prompt – so in 2243 my dusty hard drive has been found and is being kept for sale at an antique store. Wow, Dell you really are good if the hard drive can last that long! But anyway some unsuspecting souls come into the antique store and they look around and find my hard drive. “What’s this?” they ask the owner of the store. The old man who runs the place smiles and tells them that it is a hard drive used for storing data on a computer back from the 20th & 21st century. This one was made in the year 2015!

“Wow!” says the people who want to buy it. “That is ancient! We’ll take it” and then they exchange money, credits, latinum or whatever the heck passes on for currency in 2243. Then the young folks take it to their home and they inter-phase it with they large computer and try to access the files hidden in my hard drive. And they see naked pics of beautiful women, rock music, music pics, Star Trek stuff, movies, pics from movies, pics from tv shows and all other goodies. “Wow, what are Minions? What is Grumpy Cat?” They wonder and they gaze in awe at the stuff in my hard drive.

Prompt from The Daily Post at WordPress.com

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Shape Of You

Which quirky habit annoys you the most, and what quirky habit do you love — in yourself, or others.

Where do I start? One of my biggest pet peeves or something annoys me is guys who start singing as soon as they enter the public bathroom. Like at the office. I don’t start singing as soon as I get into my bathroom forget about a public bathroom at work. Why the fuck do these guys do it?

I will be in a stall in the loo and trying to take a leak or a dump and want some peace and quiet while I do my business quickly and leave having relieved myself and in come some random moron into the washroom and starts singing the latest Malayalam / Hindi / Tamil or English song that’s a hit! I mean for heaven’s sake you startle me as I am peeing and my aim is not on target!

Also “Shape of You” is not appropriate music to poop to!

Prompt from The Daily Post at WordPress.com

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The Glass

Is the glass half-full, or half-empty?

The glass is definitely and most certainly half empty! Half fucking empty. I don’t get it why I can’t have even what I deserve. This is ridiculous. I just want to move on and not be bothered with shit all the time. I just want some peace and quiet and to be let alone and do what it is that I am to do and what I have to do. Why piss me off?

It is half empty and maybe….no it is infact less than than half empty. It is not anywhere near to being half full. Not in the slightest. This life stinks. I see no possible way that it gets better and that it gets towards being half full. I have had enough with being optimistic.

Prompt from The Daily Post at WordPress.com

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Roshanism

You are sent back to the 1500s with immortality and 1 gold coin. How do you become the richest person in the world by 2017?

What else? I would go back to the 1500s and tell the people that I am a god and show them that I am one by showcasing my immortality. They would have solid, tangible proof (unlike your so called silly fictional gods) that I exist and would worship me for all eternity.

And poof, just like that, in 2017 the dominant deity on this planet and the prevalent religion would be Roshanism. You would all be devout Roshanists and incase you do not believe in me, I will be fine with it. My laws would state that you are to be treated equally and should not be subjected to any discrimination or harassment of any kind. But if you believe in any other god or gods – OFF WITH YOUR HEAD!

How do I become the richest person in the world? I don’t need that 1 gold coin! Keep your stinking gold coin mere mortal. I will be showered with riches, temples would be built in my honour and I will have golden palaces in each country where I chose to stay and will have a harem of gorgeous women in each palace as well. Who needs your 1 gold coin!

Prompt from The Atheist Republic Facebook Page

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Take That, Rosetta!

If you could wake up tomorrow and be fluent in any language you don’t currently speak, which would it be? Why? What’s the first thing you do with your new linguistic skills?

Easy! French. It is the poshest and most coolest language around. Also the most sexual and romantic sounding language around. If I woke up tomorrow with the ability to speak impeccable French, I would flaunt it. Flaunt it at the opposite sex. Ma cherie, voulez-vous coucher avec moi? In a French accent, I imagine if I said that and with my charm, I would get the little ladies to rip off their panties in a jiffy! I am terrible, I know!

Seriously I love the way that the words flow & sound in French. If not French then it would be Spanish because nothing sounds more exciting the way it is spoken in Spanish. You could be describing a mundane evening of making a sandwich, watching tv alone at home and watching Youtube before going to bed at 11pm and it would still sound like the exciting build up on a football pitch before a magnificent goal! The Spanish speaking population is that excitable.

A third language would be Klingon. So I can quote Klingon proverbs at you before I kill you with my Bat’leth, you p’takh with no honour!

Prompt from The Daily Post at WordPress.com

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No Pain, No Gain, No Mullah!

Do you agree with Jane Fonda’s favorite exercise motto, “no pain, no gain?” Is it impossible to attain greatness without considerable hardship?

I think not. No matter how much we think the ultra-rich and famous people have it easy, they have had to do something in the form of pain that ultimately gave them their wealth or increased what they already had. Like if you think someone was born into wealth, they still had to maintain that wealth by doing things to get more money. It just doesn’t grow on trees.

Sure there are those “celebs” who seem to be famous just for being famous and it seems that for no reason they keep getting paid large sums of money to keep being famous. I dunno why that is so but at some point or the other they either have to do crazy things to keep themselves in the spotlight and maintain their fame or work hard at just what it is that they are famous for. And hence keep the money rolling in.

It’s a strange world out there for famous people.

Prompt from The Daily Post at WordPress.com

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New Wrinkles

You wake up one day and realize you’re ten years older than you were the previous night. Beyond the initial shock, how does this development change your life plans?

Well if I woke up tomorrow and found out that I had suddenly turned 50 – retirement would be up in a few years! The end would come much faster. I’d be 50. Fucking 50. An age which it felt like just a few years ago was centuries away. That’s how devastating it would be for me.

I like life and I like doing whatever it is that I feel like doing on any free day. I would feel that at 50, this dude would be inclined to stay at home much more and drinking coffee and liquor every Saturday and Sunday evening and order in more than going out. I dunno, but being a bachelor is lonely most of the time and hence, going out and seeing happy couples and families is taxing for you.

I would also probably look around and see what changes I could make to my life and make it more comfortable and healthier would also be in the works. I’d probably also save a lot more. I don’t think much else would change.

Prompt from The Daily Post at WordPress.com

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My Secret Admirer

You return home to discover a huge flower bouquet waiting for you, no card attached. Who is it from — and why did they send it to you?

Well, I’m hoping it’s this bodacious babe I keep giving longing stares at everytime I see her at the office cafeteria. She is so hot and sexy with those eyebrows and eyes and red, pouty lips and those curves on that body. I have no idea what her name is and have been trying to find out and also the nerve to go and talk to her.

I find her hot and I find her desirable and I wanna make babies with her. But ofcourse, especially as she works in the same office as I do, I wouldn’t dare do anything so bold and brazen but if I do get an little chance, I will introduce myself and make friends with her. Once and it was a few months ago, I opened the door for her so she could pass first, as I am a gentleman and always do that, and she looked at me and smiled a grateful and thankful smile at me (oh how long that euphoria lasted) like in “chivalry isn’t dead?” but that’s been the extent of my interaction with her.

So I would hope it’s from her. She wants to have coffee…..tea…..and me! Not particularly in any order! And she wants to make babies with me. I am terrible, I know. And I make no excuses for it.

Prompt from The Daily Post at WordPress.com

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Instant Celebrity

If you could be a famous person for a day, who would you be? Why?

Why would I want to be some other famous person? I want to still be me but famous and popular and stinking filthy rich. But I still want to be me! There’s no one else I’d rather be. But I want to be so loved and so popular and — did I mention rich? – and so desirable and sexy that women and teenage girls will wet their panties as soon as I arrive before them in person and flash a smile in their direction.

If I could change places with a famous person who is living, I’d pick ……. Hugh Hefner. Man does he know how to live and what a life! Surrounded by all those Playboy Playmates in his mansion 24/7! I’d be swimming in perfect bodies all day long and all night long. He is my hero and I’d want to swap places with him right now or even 10 years back. That is the life to live.

Otherwise, I’d want to make my own crazy rich, indulgent and wild life. With busty & gorgeous women holding on my arms, and other body parts, having a party.

Prompt from The Daily Post at WordPress.com

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I Was Here First

You are the first astronaut to arrive on a new, uncharted planet. Write the note that you leave to those who come after you.

Aha, the perfect dream. I have always wanted to be the first to land on an alien planet and claim it in the name of all mankind. A planet where there is no life…or wait, atleast no sentient life. We can have animals and birds and even insects there. Some delicious animals for the barbecue. Hmmmm, alien barbecue!

I digress! So yeah as I land on this lush and beautiful planet with hills, valleys, snow capped mountain ranges, lakes, rivers, seas and oceans with abundant plant and animal/fish life, and pristine, greenery and beautiful landscapes, as I take my first steps on this uncharted planet I will say and note down “One small step for Roshan, one giant leap for Roshankind!”

What? I can’t say that. Neil who? Ok, all I shall leave for others who come after me is this “I have hidden treasure here and you who have found it can keep it.”

(P.S. – there is no treasure)

Prompt from The Daily Post at WordPress.com

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Seven Words

Khalil Gibran once said that people will never understand one another unless language is reduced to seven words. What would your seven words be?

I don’t rate Khalil Gibran so high that I should buy these ideas of his but let’s give this a try. My 7 words would be:

  • pizza (cheese, bacon or other pork items with olives and mushrooms please)
  • beer
  • metal (as in music)
  • vodka
  • scifi (hey, treat it like it’s one word)
  • wifi
  • football (as in soccer to those ignorant as to the right name for the greatest sport ever)

I think that should be fine.

Prompt from The Dailypost at WordPress.com

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My Dream Media Room

If I had a lot of money, like a Rs.80,00,000 or so then I would get my family to sell this small apartment we live in and buy us a house. Not that big but a new house with a little land at the side of front or back. With a lawn and a small garden. A two storey house with a living room / dining room, a nice kitchen, a bedroom with an attached bathroom in the ground floor and 2-3 bedrooms with attached in the first floor.

I would want to design a media room as well. A nice comfortable one with big recliners seats for 5-8 people. Display cases for dvds and blurays. Popcorn machine in one corner. A huge tv screen as well as a projector screen for watching movies, sports and tv shows. Surround sound speakers. A little bar at the back.

I can dream can’t I?

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Autumn Leaves

Changing colors, dropping temperatures, pumpkin spice lattes: do these mainstays of Fall fill your heart with warmth — or with dread?

Why would you be filled with dread during autumn? Colours changing on the leaves on the trees, the temperature is cooler and you need a sweater or a jacket when you go outside, lattes with pumpkin flavours and beer in pumpkin flavours, fire on in the fireplace, lots of hot cocoa with marshmellows, kids and dogs playing in the fallen leaves.

Unless you have seen the Halloween movie franchise one too many times, why would you fear all these things? Oh yeah, how can I forget celebrating Halloween? The dressing up in costumes, going to houses and saying “trick or treat” and getting lots & lots of candy from stranger people! And then eating those treats back in your home.

Now being Indian I got none of those things. We live in a tropical climate area so it’s heat or monsoon season and then a period where it’s nicer (less heat but hardly any rain) and we don’t celebrate Halloween so it’s boring that we don’t get the fall pleasures. Oh well!

Prompt from The Daily Post at WordPress.com

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Advantage of Foresight

You’ve been granted the power to predict the future! The catch — each time you use your power, it costs you one day (as in, you’ll live one day less). How would you use this power, it at all?

Well I have always wanted this particular power, the power to predict the future. Imagine the money I could make, placing bets on sports games and winning big on gambling and stuff. I would be rolling in dough! I’d be dirty, rotten, filthy, stinking rich! Well….no I would be clean because I would be soaking in a bathtub every night and I’d smell great because the bath water and soap would also have perfumes and other delightful fragrances in it and so I’d be smelling lovely and clean rich!

But since I’d lose one day of my lifespan each time I use my powers I’d be careful and use my powers very wisely. I’d win big, make my millions and billions in as few bets as possible so I’d lose like just 10-20 days but I’d be rich enough for a 1000 lifetimes. I’d be swimming in pools of cash, that kinda rich! And I’d have a bunch of gorgeous, busty, voluptuous babes all hanging around me – blondes, brunettes, redheads from all over the globe! Just wanting to be pampered by me and we’d all live in a great big mansion in the hills and I’d indulge in outrageous orgy parties with my girls.

So I’d still live a long, luxurious and indulgent lifestyle for the rest of my days and only lose 20 days or at the most a month for it. Easy peasy!

Prompt from The Daily Post at WordPress.com

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Binding Judgment

Does it ever make sense to judge a book by its cover — literally or metaphorically? Tell us about a time you did, and whether that was a good decision or not.

Sometimes you just can’t help it. It’s your own perceptions, your life experiences with dealing with certain things and well the opinions of the local media and those of others around you that shape your judgement. You tend to be hasty and quick to judge right off the bat and it is by something’s or someone’s “cover”.

You can’t say if a person is good just because they look good or fit your description of what beautiful looks like. They can be attractive as hell but be all kinds of sadistic & twisted shit on the inside. Never go by just the looks. If they are as good as they look you will find out soon enough and you can go by that. Also some folks may not be glamorous or have good looks or even halfway attractive looks and may be plain, have weight issues and may not have the greatest sense of fashion. But they will be decent and good people.

Finding out what sort of people they are is sometimes hard and your hopes can be dashed. But it is important to do so.

Prompt from The Daily Post at WordPress.com

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Musings Of The Creatures Of The Night

If a pregnant woman who’s a werewolf turns into a werewolf does her unborn baby turn into an unborn wolf?

If a vampire bites a werewolf does the werewolf now become a werepire or a vampwolf?

Similarly what if a vampire and a werewolf were to have sex – whichever is female – what would the offspring be?

Wait a minute, can a female vampire become pregnant and carry a baby to term? She is undead so how can she?

Also can a male vampire get erect? The heart is beating so how does the blood flow to his penis?

What if a zombie bites a vampire and a werewolf? Or a vampire bites a zombie? Does the zombie become a vampire zombie?

What if a zombie bites a vampire and a werewolf? Or a werewolf bites a zombie? Does the zombie become a werewolf zombie?

What if a mosquito bites a vampire? And the vampire bites it back? Vampiresuito!!!

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Local Color

Imagine we lived in a world that’s all of a sudden devoid of color, but where you’re given the option to have just one object keep its original hue. Which object (and which color) would that be?

If everything in the world were to lose it’s colour and we lived in a black n white world – like looking in an old time movie from back in the day, what would I want to keep it’s original hue? Hmmm let me think.

Beer! The lager colour, the regular golden hue colour of beer that is the most common in the world. That is one to light up the world. Even now so imagine what it could do in the world that is devoid of colour. That beautiful sunlight inside a glass or bottle shining it’s beacon of light to thirsty souls around the globe.

So let it the colour of beer. The best yellow/gold in the world.

Prompt from The Daily Post at WordPress.com