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Forward Drive

What is the one thing that drives you to wake up in the morning and do whatever it is you do? Is it writing, family, friends, or something else entirely?

Well, usually it is the need to pee. I drink a lot of water in a day, usually about 2 litres or so hence by the morning I need to empty my bladder and as soon as I wake up I need to relieve myself. So I head to the loo, close the door, lift up the lid and then my lungi and I let it flow!

On a serious note, it’s my bank account. No one is going to fill my bank account with cash and it can’t do it on it’s own. And since I haven’t won the lottery yet – darn it, been waiting on that $100,000,000 win for so long now – I have to get up, get shaved and showered and go to work so at the end of the month I get that cash. Because if did win big and got a big bunch of money (enough to last me a lifetime and keep me and my family well fed, well clothed and afford luxuries) I would quit. That very instant I would quit working and retire to my new home.

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Eat, Drink, and Be Merry…

…for tomorrow we die. The world is ending tomorrow! Tell us about your last dinner — the food, your dining companions, the setting, the conversation.

The food – all my favourite stuff. Pizza, burgers, bacon, chicken fry, biryanis, butter chicken, tandoori chicken, pork, ham, pepperoni, shawarmas, beer, rum, vodka, ice creams and shakes and coffees.

The dining companions – I have a few people in mind. Close family, some friends. But I would dump them all for some hot women.

The setting – a luxury hotel room with big beds

The conversation – fuck talking, I am having an orgy with those hot women! And I don’t care about the world ending tomorrow cause I can die the happiest man in the history of the world.

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Fearless Fantasies

How would your life be different if you were incapable of feeling fear? Would your life be better or worse than it is now?

I think a lot of us would have different lives if we were incapable of feeling fear. We might be more adventurous and more brave and take more risks. Some bully harassing you? Kick him in the balls! The job is great and you want it but you have to move half way across the country? Hell yeah, let’s do it.

I think people will become mostly risk takers start skydiving, adventure trekking, deep sea diving, catching sharks under water, hunting wild animals all the time, wrestler big wrestler, get into the ring with boxing / MMA fighters, jump off tall skyscrapers, want to go into space and do all kinds of crazier shit than what I can think of. And that can be dangerous too! While life might become more interesting it can also make it short if you aren’t careful. Sticking your head into a lion’s mouth? Well that can make you lose your head right there.

Life might be better if we lost the ability to feel fear but can balance that with a lot of intelligent thinking and if we had the right information in front of us. To let you know that it’s not ok to check out the tonsils of that hungry and mean looking lion! Balance is what we need.

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Rain

Rain over me you sweet clouds of coolness. We are experiencing that dreaded summer yet again. When the coolness of December and January dies out and February is still plesant, March more than makes up for the lack of heat and humidity. I wish for some rain, some beautiful cool rain to wash all over us. Wash away the sweat and the grime and the dust from our bodies and buildings.

It’s become really hot and humid in the city lately. I guess it’s all over Kerala. I bet if you check statistics, March-April-June are the months of the year when there is the least amount of baby making happening in Kerala. Because who wants all that heat and humidity sticking to you! I dunno though, sometimes heat can drive people horny too!

I think the heat and humidity is getting to me. I am delirious and not thinking straight. Fall down on us rain, you sweet nectar of the clouds.

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The Full Moon

When the full moon happens, you turn into a person who’s the opposite of who you normally are. Describe this new you.

Have you seen the original Nutty Professor with Jerry Lewis and how he turns from this goofy, nerdy, buck toothed and socially awkward university professor who finally succeed in one of his experiments and invents a serum that turns him into the handsome, suave, charming and cheeky girl-chasing hipster, Buddy Love? I want to turn into that kind of guy when the full moon appears.

Why? Because he is cool and smooth and he gets the girls and he is confident. I want all that! I want to be like that. Why not? So yeah, I would want to turn into Mr. Cool Roshan who is a hearthrob and gets all the chicks he wants fall at him and sweep them off their feet. And not ever sleep alone at all. So let’s get this chemical explosion happening and make me suave!

Ole!

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Barter System

If the world worked on a barter system, how would you fare? Would you have services to barter? Would you be successful, or would you struggle?

I dunno, barter system in current day. What if someday all the currency in the world is destroyed or made useless because of something stupid that humans did and we had to resort to going back to a barter system for food, essentials and other goods?

What can I give? A winning smile, a joke and a sarcastic comment! My charm and wit. My sweet personality? My endless supply of dirty jokes. Or could I get good for sex? No? Ok then, I will have to rely on my charm and dirty jokes!

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Movie Going Rant

Dear parents, stop bringing your babies to the movies.Here’s a fact, stupid : loud noises startle and make them cry!I too pay good money to come to the luxury or vip section of the cinema multiplex and I expect to relax and enjoy a movie. Not to be constantly interrupted by a crying infant whose parents are too dumb to know the fact I mentioned above. I know that couple with young kids also want to go and enjoy a good movie but here is the thing – the rest of us do not have to suffer just because of that! Get a babysitter or the baby’s grandparents to keep it at home. If not, don’t come to the theatre. Or better yet buy all the tickets so you and your baby can watch and cry in it to your heart’s content.

I wish I could enjoy this movie. Two stupid kids haven’t shut up since the movie started. They kept on talking about this and that and their parents are such idiots that they don’t think of other people and tell their kids to shut the fuck up. How rude is that? Is the entire theatre your domain? Teach your kids some manners, make them respect other people’s needs to watch a movie in peace. Or stay at home and watch the movie at home where only you are bothered by the incessant chatter that goes on.

Here is another pet peeve of mine. People standing at the escalator and not moving but just blocking your path. A family of 6 were just standing there having a discussion and not bothered that 3 of us were trying to get through. Now I am not saying that they should be shot or stabbed or anything as drastic like that. Maybe….imprisonment with hard labour, lashes and some hefty fines?

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Message To The Future

A service has been invented through which you can send messages to people in the future. To whom would you send something, and what would you write?

I would send messages to people who are in power in the future and show them some of the leaders of today and the things they said and did and say “Don’t be assholes like them”. I would show the wars and destruction and the pain and suffering so they know what they can expect if they continue this trend.

I would also send a message to the youth and show them what good music is by sending them links to good rock music. And how it feels to play your instruments! And what can happen if you stop playing instruments (boy bands, rap n hip hop, stupid insane pop music and dance stuff)! The horror! And send them instructional videos on how to play those good songs and music.

And the most important message I would send to everybody will be simple but truthful and hopefully they can get on with their lives – “there are no gods”!

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Working Anywhere

“If I can make it there, I’ll make it anywhere,” goes the famous song about New York City. Is there a place — a city, a school, a company — about which you think (or thought) the same? Tell us why, and if you ever tried to prove that claim.

Customer care. If you have worked in customer care dealing with customers either via chat or phone or face to face you can work anywhere. Dealing with customers can be a stressful job. Especially when you get a numb idiot who can’t understand simple math and that she hasn’t paid a month’s bill and therefore the current bill is last month’s overdue amount plus this month’s charges! How do these people keep a steady job?

My other favourite kind of customer is the one who wants the product / service but does not want to pay the full charges. OK, here is a discount! “I’m not happy”.

“Neither am I customer but this is the best I can do. These are the maximum discounts I can apply”

“No you are not good at your job.”

“Ok here is what I will do. Secretly, I own this company so I am going to give you the service for free. For lifetime. Just because I like you”

“Really?”

“No bitch! You need to work harder and make some more money so you can afford the good things. Take it or leave it”

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Sign Of The Wolf

You’re tasked with creating a brand new astrological sign for the people born around your birthday — based solely on yourself. What would your new sign be, and how would you describe those who share it?

A new Zodiac sign? Not that I believe in astrological signs or astrology (which is bullshit) but if I had to create a new sign then I guess it would be a wolf! Badass people would have the sign of the wolf. Mean streaks but elegant and graceful. Everyone would want to have the zodiac sign of the wolf!

I dunno how would you describe the people who share that sign? I dunno – lone wolf characters that do not mind being alone yet can also be good in packs of people. And when the moon is full we howl! Owwwwwwwwwwwooooo! Hehehehe I can’t think of anything else.

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Now You See Me, Now You Don’t

You have a secret superpower: the ability to appear and disappear at will. When and where will you use this new superpower? Tell us a story.

I think a lot of us would like the ability to appear and disappear at will. Where would I use it? In the bathroom of the a women’s hostel ofcourse. No I wouldn’t. Maybe I would. Ok wait ….no I will be a gentleman and not do that!

I guess in everyday life whenever we wish we could come and go as we please. You can save on traffic and the time it takes to commute to and fro work for example. How about a tricky situation and you need to get out of there at the drop of a hat? Comes in handy. Find yourself in a dangerous part of town? Blink once and quicker than you can say “Bob’s your uncle” you are out of there.

I would use it almost everyday I guess whenever I felt the need to disappear. Can we do it to stop crime? Then by all means I would love this superpower. It can help to save lives then I am all aboard.

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Let Go Of The Sour

You have to choose one flavor that your sense of taste will no longer be able to distinguish. Sweet, sour, bitter, salty, umami, spicy (not a taste per se, but we’re generous): which one do you choose to lose?

Hmmm, how do I pick the one flavour that my taste buds will no longer be able to distinguish? I kinda like all of them though especially sweet and sumami. Sometimes salty (like a nice bunch of french fries with the perfect amount of salt) and spicy. Tangy too! Savoury meats and stuff – ah!

I guess if I had to pick I would go with sour because well sometimes that hurts my tongue or my teeth and I don’t like the feeling but certain sour pickles or mangoes are really good but too sour for my tastes. Yeah, let’s go with sour. I guess I could let go of that taste forever.

Which one would you pick?

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Captive’s Choice

You’ve been kidnapped and given a choice: would you rather be stranded on an island, dropped into an unknown forest, or locked in a strange building?

I dunno what kinda of scenario is this; how can I have this kind of a choice after being kidnapped, an aggressive act against my will? And that too what kind of strange choices? Stranded on an island, dropped into an unknown forest or locked in a strange building!

Well off hand I guess the forest is the most dangerous one. There could be bugs, creepy insects and reptiles and predatory animals out to get my ass. I would make a delicious large meal so maybe that should be out. Although in a forest I would be able to find water (if there’s a river near by) and fruits from trees and small animals I could kill and eat for survival! Hmmm!

Now the island part – isn’t that the baseline for a lot of stories throughout history? Being stranded on an island with no way off as you have no plane or boat and are surrounded by ocean or sea on all sides. The thought of being cutoff from society is appealing at times provided I have enough supplies to last me for as long as I could live there. And ofcourse the necessities like running water, a home, beer, vodka, pizza (on a deserved island?), internet and cable tv. That does not seem likely but yeah if I could I would pick that.

In a strange building? Is it rotting and dilapidated? Are there strange creatures in it? Is it haunted? Werewolves or zombies piled up? Why would my captures put me in a building? This one seems strange.

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And Modest Too!

Some writers’ names have becomes adjectives: Kafkaesque, marxist, Orwellian, sadistic. If your name (or nickname, or blog name) were to become an adjective, what would it mean?

It would be called “Roshanism” or “Count Roshcullaism”. I dunno pick one. The adjective would be for honestly, integrity, writing from the heart, being open, unafraid, unapologetic about what one is writing (unless it’s actually an apology), understanding, passionate, picking topics for him and not for others, humourous, self-deprecating even and with a gaze towards the stars.

And there will be an award each year for the writer who showcases such fine displays of Roshanism once I am dead and gone. And the award will be the most prestigious in the world of literature.

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Naked with Black Socks

Are you comfortable in front of people, or does the idea of public speaking make you want to hide in the bathroom? Why?

I found the title to this prompt a bit odd. Naked in public? Ok very embarrassing and scary too. Naked with black socks on? Is it on the feet? Or one black sock placed on the…..manland area?

I guess it depends on the situation and the place. At times I am and I feel right in my element doing so. At times I am not. If my confidence level is up because I have control over the content and I have rehearsed everything then usually I am good to go. Otherwise I would sweat a lot and mumble and stray off topic and generally want the whole damn thing to get over as soon as possible and then make a hasty exit from there.

Hide in the bathroom? I’d build a spaceship and hide on a distant planet.

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All Or Nothing At All

“Perhaps when we find ourselves wanting everything, it is because we are dangerously close to wanting nothing.” — Sylvia Plath. Which do you find more dangerous: wanting nothing, or wanting everything?

I think it’s a catch 22 type of situation if you want it all. Wanting everything means that you will likely never be satisfied because you are always planning and waiting for the things that you don’t have. If you want to keep the next achievement or award or whatever it is that you want as a way to challenge and motivate yourself then I think it’s pretty healthy to do so as long as you also appreciate what it is that you do have and take some moments to cherish them.

Wanting nothing at all is so dangerous. It’s not human at all to not want or desire. That is what fuels us and gives us purposes. It need not be money or fame or anything like that. It can be wanting a peaceful existence or wanting happiness and joy and having a wonderful family life. If you do not want anything at all then you are dead inside, a hollow shell of a being. How can you not want something? No way can a human being want nothing. If they do say so they are liars.

It’s a good balance to have though if you are satisfied with what you have and yet also look forward to something more. Means you will work on it. You will improve yourself and your surroundings. You have a passion to reach out for.

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When Will I Be Loved?

Have you dreamt of becoming famous? What would your claim to fame be? Comedy? Acting? Writing? Race car driving? Go!

Like a million, billion people throughout the years I have dreamed of being famous for something. Like being a beloved actor, singer or musician or a sportsman. To be praised and loved for my talent and art and capabilities and lauded for my achievements and get awards and adulations by the thousands.

In more recent years I have wished I had the ability to be a comedian and a stand up comic in particular. To be able to stand in front of thousands and have them laugh themselves silly and fall out of their seats with rib-tickling humour is awesome and I wish I could that for a living. Or a singer/musician and sing my songs and have the audience being moved to tears and sing the lyrics back at me. That would be amazing!

The oddest thing I would want to have been famous for – a porn star! Hehehehe yes I would love to be a porn star and “perform” for the ladies!

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Fictional Intruder

Go down the rabbit hole with Alice; play quidditch with Harry Potter; float down the river with Huck Finn… If you could choose three fictional events or adventures to experience yourself, what would they be?

Star Trek. The 24th century. If I could see what would the later centuries be like I might go and pick one further on down the years but the 24th century looks good enough for me. Be a young ensign assigned to a big starship and fly to alien worlds and moons and visit the various alien cultures across the galaxy. Neato!

If not that world then I would pick ……. Babylon 5. For much of the same reasons. Flights of fancy. And for a 3rd science fiction event or universe I would pick Stargate. Mainly Stargate Atlantis because I think it was more exciting!

Those are my three picks.

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