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My Dream Media Room

If I had a lot of money, like a Rs.80,00,000 or so then I would get my family to sell this small apartment we live in and buy us a house. Not that big but a new house with a little land at the side of front or back. With a lawn and a small garden. A two storey house with a living room / dining room, a nice kitchen, a bedroom with an attached bathroom in the ground floor and 2-3 bedrooms with attached in the first floor.

I would want to design a media room as well. A nice comfortable one with big recliners seats for 5-8 people. Display cases for dvds and blurays. Popcorn machine in one corner. A huge tv screen as well as a projector screen for watching movies, sports and tv shows. Surround sound speakers. A little bar at the back.

I can dream can’t I?

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Autumn Leaves

Changing colors, dropping temperatures, pumpkin spice lattes: do these mainstays of Fall fill your heart with warmth — or with dread?

Why would you be filled with dread during autumn? Colours changing on the leaves on the trees, the temperature is cooler and you need a sweater or a jacket when you go outside, lattes with pumpkin flavours and beer in pumpkin flavours, fire on in the fireplace, lots of hot cocoa with marshmellows, kids and dogs playing in the fallen leaves.

Unless you have seen the Halloween movie franchise one too many times, why would you fear all these things? Oh yeah, how can I forget celebrating Halloween? The dressing up in costumes, going to houses and saying “trick or treat” and getting lots & lots of candy from stranger people! And then eating those treats back in your home.

Now being Indian I got none of those things. We live in a tropical climate area so it’s heat or monsoon season and then a period where it’s nicer (less heat but hardly any rain) and we don’t celebrate Halloween so it’s boring that we don’t get the fall pleasures. Oh well!

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Advantage of Foresight

You’ve been granted the power to predict the future! The catch — each time you use your power, it costs you one day (as in, you’ll live one day less). How would you use this power, it at all?

Well I have always wanted this particular power, the power to predict the future. Imagine the money I could make, placing bets on sports games and winning big on gambling and stuff. I would be rolling in dough! I’d be dirty, rotten, filthy, stinking rich! Well….no I would be clean because I would be soaking in a bathtub every night and I’d smell great because the bath water and soap would also have perfumes and other delightful fragrances in it and so I’d be smelling lovely and clean rich!

But since I’d lose one day of my lifespan each time I use my powers I’d be careful and use my powers very wisely. I’d win big, make my millions and billions in as few bets as possible so I’d lose like just 10-20 days but I’d be rich enough for a 1000 lifetimes. I’d be swimming in pools of cash, that kinda rich! And I’d have a bunch of gorgeous, busty, voluptuous babes all hanging around me – blondes, brunettes, redheads from all over the globe! Just wanting to be pampered by me and we’d all live in a great big mansion in the hills and I’d indulge in outrageous orgy parties with my girls.

So I’d still live a long, luxurious and indulgent lifestyle for the rest of my days and only lose 20 days or at the most a month for it. Easy peasy!

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Binding Judgment

Does it ever make sense to judge a book by its cover — literally or metaphorically? Tell us about a time you did, and whether that was a good decision or not.

Sometimes you just can’t help it. It’s your own perceptions, your life experiences with dealing with certain things and well the opinions of the local media and those of others around you that shape your judgement. You tend to be hasty and quick to judge right off the bat and it is by something’s or someone’s “cover”.

You can’t say if a person is good just because they look good or fit your description of what beautiful looks like. They can be attractive as hell but be all kinds of sadistic & twisted shit on the inside. Never go by just the looks. If they are as good as they look you will find out soon enough and you can go by that. Also some folks may not be glamorous or have good looks or even halfway attractive looks and may be plain, have weight issues and may not have the greatest sense of fashion. But they will be decent and good people.

Finding out what sort of people they are is sometimes hard and your hopes can be dashed. But it is important to do so.

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Musings Of The Creatures Of The Night

If a pregnant woman who’s a werewolf turns into a werewolf does her unborn baby turn into an unborn wolf?

If a vampire bites a werewolf does the werewolf now become a werepire or a vampwolf?

Similarly what if a vampire and a werewolf were to have sex – whichever is female – what would the offspring be?

Wait a minute, can a female vampire become pregnant and carry a baby to term? She is undead so how can she?

Also can a male vampire get erect? The heart is beating so how does the blood flow to his penis?

What if a zombie bites a vampire and a werewolf? Or a vampire bites a zombie? Does the zombie become a vampire zombie?

What if a zombie bites a vampire and a werewolf? Or a werewolf bites a zombie? Does the zombie become a werewolf zombie?

What if a mosquito bites a vampire? And the vampire bites it back? Vampiresuito!!!

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Local Color

Imagine we lived in a world that’s all of a sudden devoid of color, but where you’re given the option to have just one object keep its original hue. Which object (and which color) would that be?

If everything in the world were to lose it’s colour and we lived in a black n white world – like looking in an old time movie from back in the day, what would I want to keep it’s original hue? Hmmm let me think.

Beer! The lager colour, the regular golden hue colour of beer that is the most common in the world. That is one to light up the world. Even now so imagine what it could do in the world that is devoid of colour. That beautiful sunlight inside a glass or bottle shining it’s beacon of light to thirsty souls around the globe.

So let it the colour of beer. The best yellow/gold in the world.

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Forward Drive

What is the one thing that drives you to wake up in the morning and do whatever it is you do? Is it writing, family, friends, or something else entirely?

Well, usually it is the need to pee. I drink a lot of water in a day, usually about 2 litres or so hence by the morning I need to empty my bladder and as soon as I wake up I need to relieve myself. So I head to the loo, close the door, lift up the lid and then my lungi and I let it flow!

On a serious note, it’s my bank account. No one is going to fill my bank account with cash and it can’t do it on it’s own. And since I haven’t won the lottery yet – darn it, been waiting on that $100,000,000 win for so long now – I have to get up, get shaved and showered and go to work so at the end of the month I get that cash. Because if did win big and got a big bunch of money (enough to last me a lifetime and keep me and my family well fed, well clothed and afford luxuries) I would quit. That very instant I would quit working and retire to my new home.

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Eat, Drink, and Be Merry…

…for tomorrow we die. The world is ending tomorrow! Tell us about your last dinner — the food, your dining companions, the setting, the conversation.

The food – all my favourite stuff. Pizza, burgers, bacon, chicken fry, biryanis, butter chicken, tandoori chicken, pork, ham, pepperoni, shawarmas, beer, rum, vodka, ice creams and shakes and coffees.

The dining companions – I have a few people in mind. Close family, some friends. But I would dump them all for some hot women.

The setting – a luxury hotel room with big beds

The conversation – fuck talking, I am having an orgy with those hot women! And I don’t care about the world ending tomorrow cause I can die the happiest man in the history of the world.

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Fearless Fantasies

How would your life be different if you were incapable of feeling fear? Would your life be better or worse than it is now?

I think a lot of us would have different lives if we were incapable of feeling fear. We might be more adventurous and more brave and take more risks. Some bully harassing you? Kick him in the balls! The job is great and you want it but you have to move half way across the country? Hell yeah, let’s do it.

I think people will become mostly risk takers start skydiving, adventure trekking, deep sea diving, catching sharks under water, hunting wild animals all the time, wrestler big wrestler, get into the ring with boxing / MMA fighters, jump off tall skyscrapers, want to go into space and do all kinds of crazier shit than what I can think of. And that can be dangerous too! While life might become more interesting it can also make it short if you aren’t careful. Sticking your head into a lion’s mouth? Well that can make you lose your head right there.

Life might be better if we lost the ability to feel fear but can balance that with a lot of intelligent thinking and if we had the right information in front of us. To let you know that it’s not ok to check out the tonsils of that hungry and mean looking lion! Balance is what we need.

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Rain

Rain over me you sweet clouds of coolness. We are experiencing that dreaded summer yet again. When the coolness of December and January dies out and February is still plesant, March more than makes up for the lack of heat and humidity. I wish for some rain, some beautiful cool rain to wash all over us. Wash away the sweat and the grime and the dust from our bodies and buildings.

It’s become really hot and humid in the city lately. I guess it’s all over Kerala. I bet if you check statistics, March-April-June are the months of the year when there is the least amount of baby making happening in Kerala. Because who wants all that heat and humidity sticking to you! I dunno though, sometimes heat can drive people horny too!

I think the heat and humidity is getting to me. I am delirious and not thinking straight. Fall down on us rain, you sweet nectar of the clouds.

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The Full Moon

When the full moon happens, you turn into a person who’s the opposite of who you normally are. Describe this new you.

Have you seen the original Nutty Professor with Jerry Lewis and how he turns from this goofy, nerdy, buck toothed and socially awkward university professor who finally succeed in one of his experiments and invents a serum that turns him into the handsome, suave, charming and cheeky girl-chasing hipster, Buddy Love? I want to turn into that kind of guy when the full moon appears.

Why? Because he is cool and smooth and he gets the girls and he is confident. I want all that! I want to be like that. Why not? So yeah, I would want to turn into Mr. Cool Roshan who is a hearthrob and gets all the chicks he wants fall at him and sweep them off their feet. And not ever sleep alone at all. So let’s get this chemical explosion happening and make me suave!

Ole!

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Barter System

If the world worked on a barter system, how would you fare? Would you have services to barter? Would you be successful, or would you struggle?

I dunno, barter system in current day. What if someday all the currency in the world is destroyed or made useless because of something stupid that humans did and we had to resort to going back to a barter system for food, essentials and other goods?

What can I give? A winning smile, a joke and a sarcastic comment! My charm and wit. My sweet personality? My endless supply of dirty jokes. Or could I get good for sex? No? Ok then, I will have to rely on my charm and dirty jokes!

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Movie Going Rant

Dear parents, stop bringing your babies to the movies.Here’s a fact, stupid : loud noises startle and make them cry!I too pay good money to come to the luxury or vip section of the cinema multiplex and I expect to relax and enjoy a movie. Not to be constantly interrupted by a crying infant whose parents are too dumb to know the fact I mentioned above. I know that couple with young kids also want to go and enjoy a good movie but here is the thing – the rest of us do not have to suffer just because of that! Get a babysitter or the baby’s grandparents to keep it at home. If not, don’t come to the theatre. Or better yet buy all the tickets so you and your baby can watch and cry in it to your heart’s content.

I wish I could enjoy this movie. Two stupid kids haven’t shut up since the movie started. They kept on talking about this and that and their parents are such idiots that they don’t think of other people and tell their kids to shut the fuck up. How rude is that? Is the entire theatre your domain? Teach your kids some manners, make them respect other people’s needs to watch a movie in peace. Or stay at home and watch the movie at home where only you are bothered by the incessant chatter that goes on.

Here is another pet peeve of mine. People standing at the escalator and not moving but just blocking your path. A family of 6 were just standing there having a discussion and not bothered that 3 of us were trying to get through. Now I am not saying that they should be shot or stabbed or anything as drastic like that. Maybe….imprisonment with hard labour, lashes and some hefty fines?

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Message To The Future

A service has been invented through which you can send messages to people in the future. To whom would you send something, and what would you write?

I would send messages to people who are in power in the future and show them some of the leaders of today and the things they said and did and say “Don’t be assholes like them”. I would show the wars and destruction and the pain and suffering so they know what they can expect if they continue this trend.

I would also send a message to the youth and show them what good music is by sending them links to good rock music. And how it feels to play your instruments! And what can happen if you stop playing instruments (boy bands, rap n hip hop, stupid insane pop music and dance stuff)! The horror! And send them instructional videos on how to play those good songs and music.

And the most important message I would send to everybody will be simple but truthful and hopefully they can get on with their lives – “there are no gods”!

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Working Anywhere

“If I can make it there, I’ll make it anywhere,” goes the famous song about New York City. Is there a place — a city, a school, a company — about which you think (or thought) the same? Tell us why, and if you ever tried to prove that claim.

Customer care. If you have worked in customer care dealing with customers either via chat or phone or face to face you can work anywhere. Dealing with customers can be a stressful job. Especially when you get a numb idiot who can’t understand simple math and that she hasn’t paid a month’s bill and therefore the current bill is last month’s overdue amount plus this month’s charges! How do these people keep a steady job?

My other favourite kind of customer is the one who wants the product / service but does not want to pay the full charges. OK, here is a discount! “I’m not happy”.

“Neither am I customer but this is the best I can do. These are the maximum discounts I can apply”

“No you are not good at your job.”

“Ok here is what I will do. Secretly, I own this company so I am going to give you the service for free. For lifetime. Just because I like you”

“Really?”

“No bitch! You need to work harder and make some more money so you can afford the good things. Take it or leave it”

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Sign Of The Wolf

You’re tasked with creating a brand new astrological sign for the people born around your birthday — based solely on yourself. What would your new sign be, and how would you describe those who share it?

A new Zodiac sign? Not that I believe in astrological signs or astrology (which is bullshit) but if I had to create a new sign then I guess it would be a wolf! Badass people would have the sign of the wolf. Mean streaks but elegant and graceful. Everyone would want to have the zodiac sign of the wolf!

I dunno how would you describe the people who share that sign? I dunno – lone wolf characters that do not mind being alone yet can also be good in packs of people. And when the moon is full we howl! Owwwwwwwwwwwooooo! Hehehehe I can’t think of anything else.

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Now You See Me, Now You Don’t

You have a secret superpower: the ability to appear and disappear at will. When and where will you use this new superpower? Tell us a story.

I think a lot of us would like the ability to appear and disappear at will. Where would I use it? In the bathroom of the a women’s hostel ofcourse. No I wouldn’t. Maybe I would. Ok wait ….no I will be a gentleman and not do that!

I guess in everyday life whenever we wish we could come and go as we please. You can save on traffic and the time it takes to commute to and fro work for example. How about a tricky situation and you need to get out of there at the drop of a hat? Comes in handy. Find yourself in a dangerous part of town? Blink once and quicker than you can say “Bob’s your uncle” you are out of there.

I would use it almost everyday I guess whenever I felt the need to disappear. Can we do it to stop crime? Then by all means I would love this superpower. It can help to save lives then I am all aboard.

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Let Go Of The Sour

You have to choose one flavor that your sense of taste will no longer be able to distinguish. Sweet, sour, bitter, salty, umami, spicy (not a taste per se, but we’re generous): which one do you choose to lose?

Hmmm, how do I pick the one flavour that my taste buds will no longer be able to distinguish? I kinda like all of them though especially sweet and sumami. Sometimes salty (like a nice bunch of french fries with the perfect amount of salt) and spicy. Tangy too! Savoury meats and stuff – ah!

I guess if I had to pick I would go with sour because well sometimes that hurts my tongue or my teeth and I don’t like the feeling but certain sour pickles or mangoes are really good but too sour for my tastes. Yeah, let’s go with sour. I guess I could let go of that taste forever.

Which one would you pick?

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