Losing Or Gaining faith – Losing My Religion

Having grow up in a Hindu family I blindly accepted the gods of Hinduism as a kid because…well of indoctrination. Hindu families will start indoctrinating their kids or grandkids fairly early on, even before said kids can start talking proper sentences. Having the mother or grandmother taking the toddler to the pooja room and making them fold their hands in front of Krishna and making the kid try to say “protect me, oh Krishna” (in Malayalam) is a common sight in the morning after said toddler has had a bath or just as the lamp is lit.

So yes I was a believer until, I reached the age of 13. I can’t say that I became an atheist at the age of 13 but that age is when I started my questioning and the stories of the gods weren’t enough to make me blindly believe. I remember thinking about certain things and asking a few questions and even though I got some answers, none of them were convincing in the least. I stopped going to temples by the age of 14 but did attend a couple of religious poojas because I was still a teen. But my parents never pushed me to do anything religious against my wishes.

Soon most of my extended family understood that I didn’t like going to temples and wasn’t a believer. I went if weddings were held in a temple but that’s about it. By the age of 19 I understood that I was an atheist and what that label meant and I was comfortable in telling people that’s what I was/am. I haven’t been in a temple since then except for weddings. A lot of people on learning that I am an atheist, will start talking some silly stuff about why I should believe and that really irritates me and sometimes I say things back but without proper scientific evidence, you have no chance of converting this one. Also, most of your gods sound like assholes who I would never worship even if in the unlikely event that they were real, anyways!

Prompt from Topic Ideas For A Personal Narrative Essay

3 More Religious Jokes

Man walks up to a priest. The man says “I am Jesus Christ.” The priest says “No you are not my son.” The man says ” Follow me.” The man walks into the bar and the bartender says “Jesus Christ you’re back!”


One day little Jonny and little Susan were in bible class and little Susan had been tired that day so she kept falling asleep and the teacher said to little Susan who is our lord and savior and little Jonny poked her in the but with a push pin and she yelled JESUS CHRIST and the teacher goes that’s right go back to be and then the next thing the teacher asked who gave up there son for our sins and little Jonny poked her again and she yelled GOD AL MIGHTY and she says that’s right go back to bed and the next question the teacher asked was what did ADAM SAY TO EVE after there 13th child little Jonny poked her in the but again she yelled IF YOU STICK THAT THING IN ME AGAIN I AM GOING TO BREAK IT IN HALF AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR OWN ASS AND SEE HOW YOU LIKE IT

——————————————-

So Jesus has been nailed to the cross. On the first day, he starts to moan, “Peter, Peter”. Well, Peter hears Jesus moaning and feels it is important, so begins to go up the hill. On his way, he is met by some Roman soldiers and they proceed to beat his ass back down the hill.

On the second day, Peter hears Jesus moaning again, “Peter, Peter”. Peter thinks to himself, this is important. He heads up the hill, fights past the first line, but gets a beatdown by the second group and back down the hill he goes.

On the third day, Peter is woken up by Jesus sounding very weak, but calling out, “Peter, Peter”. Peter feels that whatever it is that Jesus needs him for, must be very important. Peter heads up the hill, he is on a mission. He manages to fight his way thru three sets of Roman guards and make his way to the cross Jesus has been nailed to for three days. He looks up to Jesus, and says “Jesus, I have heard your calls, what is so important”?

Jesus- “Peter, I can see your house from here”.

Racy Jokes About Priests

Did you hear about the new Exorcist movie? The Devil came to get the Priest out of the child.

How do you get a nun pregnant? – Dress her up as an alter boy.

The worst part about church is that you’re constantly switching between sitting, standing and kneeling; I mean, why can’t the priest just pick a position and f**k me already!

A priest and a rabbi run out of a burning church and the Priest says “what about the children” the rabbi says “fuck the children” and the Priest says “do you think we’ll have time”

Boy goes to Confession Boy ” What are you doing father” Priest “Its called masturbation and soon you will be doing it” Boy ” Why do you say that father” Priest ” Cause my hand is getting tired”

Worship Not These False Gods

2000 years from now or maybe 4000 to 5000 years from now, your gods will probably no longer be worshiped. Rama, Krishna, Allah, Jesus & Yahweh – will become forgotten memories or chapters in history books. At best they will be shown in movies of that time.

Or perhaps Marvel will make them superheroes or villains. Humanity may invent new gods to take their place at this time or perhaps humanity may have finally let go of these ghosts and moved on for the better. Whether or not there are still these holy ghosts – we don’t know.

But there will always be skeptics & atheists!

2 Religious Jokes

A guy walks into a Muslim bookstore wearing a Make America Great Again hat. As he was wandering around taking a look, the clerk asked if he could help the man find anything.

“Do you have a copy of Donald Trump’s book on his U.S. immigration policy regarding Muslims and illegal aliens?”

The clerk said, “Kiss my ass… get out… and stay out!”

The man said, “Yes, that’s the one.  Do you have it in paperback?”


The Christian says: “The Jews and Muslims are wrong.”

The Muslim says: “The Christians and Jews are wrong.”

The Jew says: “The Muslims and Christians are wrong.”

The Atheist says: “You *all* are *correct*.”

Refusing Same-Sex Couple Service

Is It O.K. to Refuse to Serve Same-Sex Couples Based on Religious Beliefs?

Hmmm let’s look at this at all possible angles. Let’s say you are running a bakery or cafe that bakes cakes. If the ingredients or something in the cake is against their personal belief or beliefs or the design of the cake represents something that is considered taboo in their beliefs, then I suppose I would understand that. Like say a Satanic symbol for a Christian run bakery or something like that. Maybe a lewd suggestive wording of a sexual nature or something along the likes.

Otherwise I do not see why or how it should be OK for any business to refuse to serve same-sex couples. If they are asking for a cake that doesn’t have lewd remarks in icing or any odd shapes or something like that, then what is the problem? If you do not like homosexual relationships, do not have a homosexual relationship. Why should you have a problem with some folks who are in one? The religious angle is always a tricky one because people get so sensitive and authorities as well are reluctant to touch it.

But basically what you are is ignorant, bigoted and homophobic if you refuse to serve them. Using some ancient text book to justify your hatefulness and overall assholeness (is that a word? It is now). And if you do choose to refuse them service, be prepared to get a backlash from people. That can affect your business and Karma is a cold hearted bitch.

Prompt from 401 Prompts for Argumentative Writing at The New York Times

Topics Comedy Shouldn’t Touch

Are There Topics That Should Be Off Limits to Comedy?

I would usually not say anything is off limits however yes there are a few topics. Tragedies and the dying and seriously ill. I don’t think I would laugh at jokes that are about these topics. Except when the death or illness is about really vile and shitty people who thrill at the idea of other people feeling bad and falling in trouble.

So like the death of an older person or a miscarriage – no, no thank you! I don’t even want to hear someone even suggest the idea of making a joke around these topics. That be just be so not worth hearing. What else? War and suffering and famine. Diseases, amputation and homelessness – there are so many that I can’t stand to hear and I guess my sense of empathy would win over instead of wanting to laugh.

Now if you are thinking – religion? Shouldn’t religion be on this list? NOPE!

Prompt from 401 Prompts for Argumentative Writing at The New York Times

3 More Religious Jokes

A man enters the confessional in a Church: “Father, I have sinned. I have been unfaithful to my wife. I’m a film producer and about two weeks ago I slept with Jennifer Lopez.” “Anything more than confess son?” replies the priest “Yes father. Last week I was weak and I also slept with Nicole Kidman and Julia Roberts.” The very calm priest asks: “Any other sin, son?” “Yes father, this week I could not contain myself and participated in a threesome with Gal Gadot and Brie Larson.” “Sorry, son, but I can not absolve you,” the priest replies. “Why not Father, if the mercy of God is infinite?” “Yes, but God will not believe you’re sorry.


A girl is going to confess: “Well, you see, father, I said that my boyfriend is a son of a bitch and the other day …” The priest interrupts her and says: “But girl! How you call your boyfriend, you son of a bitch! What has happened to you?” “Well, the other day he took my hand.” The priest takes her hand and says: “But look, I take your hand too and I’m not a son of a bitch.” “Yeah, well … but it’s just that my boyfriend later touched my breasts.” The priest touches her breasts and says: “Look, I’m touching your tits but I’m not a son of a bitch.” “Yes, but my boyfriend also made love to me.” replied the girl The priest throws it away and then says: “Well, look, I made love to you too and I’m not a son of a bitch.” “Yes, but my boyfriend has Herpes.” “What a son of a bitch!!!”


The new priest is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks an older priest to sit in on his sessions. The new priest hears a couple confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions.\ The old priest suggests, “Cross you arms over your chest, and rub your chin with one hand.” The new priest tries this. The old priest suggests, “Try saying things like, ‘I see”, ‘Yes, go on’ and ‘I understand.’ ‘How did you feel about that?'” The new priest practices, saying these phrases. The old priest says, “Now, don’t you think that’s a little better than slapping your knee and saying ‘No shit?!? What happened next?'”

2 Muslim Jokes

A guy walks into a Muslim bookstore wearing a Make America Great Again hat…
As he was wandering around taking a look, the clerk asked if he could help the man find anything.

“Do you have a copy of Donald Trump’s book on his U.S. immigration policy regarding Muslims and illegal aliens?”

The clerk said, “Kiss my ass… get out… and stay out!”

The man said, “Yes, that’s the one. Do you have it in paperback?”


A muslim woman is getting arrested
The police officer handcuffs her

“You have the right to remain silent” he says.

She suddenly starts laughing. The police officer notices, and questions her behavior.

“Why, you see, I’m just happy to finally have a right!”

Blocked By A Racist

Someone I know only online just asked me if he would be thought of as a racist if he thought some Africans / people of Africa heritage were ok but that some of them are still more monkey than the rest of us!!!! This guy actually said that.

I was like “Excuse me!! That is not something you say” but he then proceeded to send a pic of a football player and typed “Look at this guy! Look at his head especially his face and his mannerism. Don’t tell me this guy isn’t part gorilla or some other species!”

I was blown away but then all I could say was that humans are basically less hairy apes. We chimps and other monkeys all had evolved from a common ancestor.

To that he started abusing me. I checked his Twitter profile page – AH! Creationist. I had hit a nerve. I abused him back and told him to shove his opinions up his arsehole! I am now blocked by him and feeling rather proud of myself!

Rowing Across The Lake

A Jew, A Catholic, and an atheist are rowing in Lake Erie when their boat springs a huge leak.

The Jew looks skyward, and says “Oh, Adonai, if you save me, I promise I’ll sail to Israel and spend the rest of my days trying to reclaim the land you gave us”.

The Catholic looks skyward, and says, “Oh, Jesus, if you save me, I promise I’ll fly to the Vatican and spend the rest of my days singing your praises”.

The atheist says, “Oh, guys, if you pass me that one life preserver, I promise I’ll swim to Cleveland”.

“And how will you spend the rest of your days?” the Jew and the Catholic ask.

“Well,” says the atheist, “I’m not sure, but I can tell you one thing: I’ll never go rowing with other atheists”…

Wilson’s Nails

Wilson runs a nail factory and decides his business needs a bit of advertising. He has a chat with a friend who works in marketing, and he offers to make a television ad for Wilson’s Nails. “Give me a week,” says the friend, “and I’ll be back with a tape.”

A week goes by and the marketing executive comes to see Wilson. He puts a cassette in the video and presses play. A Roman soldier is busy nailing Jesus to the cross. He turns to face the camera and says with a grin, “Use Wilson’s Nails, they’ll hold anything.” Wilson goes mad, shouting, “What is the matter with you? They’ll never show that on television. Give it another try, but no more Romans crucifying Jesus!”

Another week goes by and the marketing man comes back to see Wilson with another tape. He puts it in the machine and hits play. This time the camera pans out from a Roman standing with his arms folded to show Jesus on the cross. The Roman looks up at him and says, “Wilson’s Nails, they’ll hold anything.” Wilson is beside himself. “You don’t understand. I don’t want anything with Jesus on the cross! Now listen, I’ll give you one last chance. Come back in a week with an advertisement that I can broadcast.”

A week passes and Wilson waits impatiently. The marketing executive arrives and puts on the new video. A naked man with long hair, gasping for breath, is running across a field. About a dozen Roman soldiers come over the hill, hot on his trail. One of them turns to the camera and says, “If only we had used Wilson’s Nails!”

Jesus Jokes

jesus: what do people call the day i was crucified
me: good friday. we call it “good friday”
jesus: what the fuck

Big deal Jesus, so your dad sent you here to suffer & die, that’s what all the rest of us are doing too

COP: jesus how much hav u had to drink
JESUS: (leans out window) (whispers) my blood is wine
COP: ok step outa the car pal

[last supper]
drunk jesus: *swinging baguette wildly* You want a piece of me!?

Me: “Hey you forgot to close the door! Were you born in a barn?”
Jesus: “Yes.”
Me: “Oh, it’s you. Sorry, Jesus.”
Jesus: “I forgive you.”

*knock on door*
“Sir have you found Jesus?”
Uh, no. Goodbye.
*shuts door*
*Jesus steps out from behind door with gun*
Good answer

Gorgeous Gift Ideas For The Spiritual People In Your Life

While you can’t buy a stairway to heaven, it is sometimes helpful to acknowledge the faith of those we love by getting them gifts relevant to their beliefs. In fact, there is a wide selection of items available for folks from a whole range of belief systems and spiritual practices. Some of which you can discover in the post below.

Buddhists/Meditators – Zafu and Zabuton 

You are probably already aware that those practicing forms of Buddhism and even the agnostic version Mindfulness, spend a fair bit of time meditating. Much of which is done crossed legged while sitting on the ground.

Of course, if they are enlightened master level, then the discomfort of this position will barely register in their consciousness. However, if they are still tentatively beginning their walk on the 8 fold path, a meditation mat and cushion can be an excellent gift.

In fact, these items, known as a Zafu and Zubuton, respectively, come from the Japanese tradition of Zen. The advantage of using them being that they can not only help cushion the ankles during meditation, and also help to get your spine in the right position as well. This being likely to make them a welcome addition to any mediator’s life.

Christians – Cross Jewelry 

You may think that buying gifts for Christian friends and loved ones is easy. After all, there is that really important key text they talk about a lot, and they have a pretty prominent symbol too. However, it’s not just about finding something that appeals to their religious beliefs but also matches the type of person they are as well.

With that in mind, opting for a piece of jewelry from providers like Holy Grace can be an excellent choice. In fact, there you can find a whole range of crosses and crucifixes as well as holy medals in many different metals and designs. Something that should make it so much easier to pick an item that you know the person you are gifting it to are sure to love and wear.

Yogis – Yoga Mat

The most obvious gift for those people in your life that are practicing Yogis is a mat on which they can conduct their asanas. However, just Googling the term Yoga mat will have you inundated with different types, materials, colors, and designs.

What this means is picking the right one can be something of a headache. Fortunately, you can navigate this issue by examining the type of practice your yoga-loving pal does. Now, I’m not talking about Iyengar, Ashtanga, or Bikram here. Instead, look for whether they head to a sports center or practice in their own home.

The reason being that those heading to the gym for their yoga class are likely to be more interested in the muscle training aspect of yoga, and so may appreciate a mat design will excellent grip. However, those for whom yoga is more of a lifestyle may prefer a mat with some more environmentally friendly qualities like the ones discussed here.

Quotes From Thomas Paine

United States Founding Father Thomas Paine wasn’t just a political revolutionary but also took a radical approach to religion. Born in England in 1736, Paine, moved to the New World in 1774, thanks in part to Benjamin Franklin. He took part in the American Revolution and even inspired the settlers to declare independence from Britain. His pamphlet “Common Sense” and pamphlet series “The American Crisis” made a case for revolution.

  • I do not believe in the creed professed by the Jewish Church, by the Roman Church, by the Greek Church, by the Turkish Church, by the Protestant Church, nor by any Church that I know of. My own mind is my own Church. [ The Age of Reason]
  • Science is the true theology. [Thomas Paine quoted in Emerson, The Mind on Fire p. 153]
  • . . . to argue with a man who has renounced his reason is like giving medicine to the dead. [The Crisis, quoted in Ingersoll’s Works, Vol. 1, p.127]
  • Priests and conjurors are of the same trade. [ The Age of Reason]
  • One good schoolmaster is of more use than a hundred priests. [Thomas Paine quoted in 2000 Years of Disbelief, Famous People with the Courage to Doubt by James Haught]
  • That God cannot lie, is no advantage to your argument, because it is no proof that priests can not, or that the Bible does not. [The Life and Works of Thomas Paine, Vol. 9 p. 134]
  • Accustom a people to believe that priests or any other class of men can forgive sins, and you will have sins in abundance. [The Theological Works of Thomas Paine, p.207
  • Take away from Genesis the belief that Moses was the author, on which only the strange believe that it is the word of God has stood, and there remains nothing of Genesis but an anonymous book of stories, fables, and traditionary or invented absurdities, or of downright lies. [ The Age of Reason]
  • The Bible is a book that has been read more and examined less than any book that ever existed. [The Theological Works of Thomas Paine]
  • Every phrase and circumstance are marked with the barbarous hand of superstitious torture, and forced into meanings it was impossible they could have. The head of every chapter, and the top of every page, are blazoned with the names of Christ and the Church, that the unwary reader might suck in the error before he began to read. [The Age of Reason, p.131]
  • The declaration which says that God visits the sins of the fathers upon the children is contrary to every principle of moral justice. [The Age of Reason]

10 Sinfully Hilarious Religious Jokes & Puns

1. How is God just like a regular man?

If you’re not on your knees, he’s not interested.

2. Abstinence makes the Church grow fondlers.

3. What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common?

Their balls are just for decoration.

4. Why did God create man?

Because a vibrator can’t mow the lawn.

5. If God created man in His own image…

He’s a fucking pervert.

6. Why does everyone pray in the aftermath of a disaster?

Hasn’t God just proved He doesn’t give a fuck?

7. If God sneezes when you meet him, what the hell do you say?

8. My husband and I divorced for religious reasons.

He thought he was God. I didn’t.

9. Don’t forget: If you never sin, Jesus died for nothin’.

10. Bacon proves God has a sense of humor.

He invents the greatest meat in the world, then bans His chosen people from eating it.