Circuitous Paths

A stranger knocks on your door, asking for directions from your home to the closest gas station (or café, or library. Your pick!). Instead of the fastest and shortest route, give him/her the one involving the most fun detours.

So you want to go the nearest coffee shop eh? Well (it’s actually a 20-25 minute walk) here’s what you gotta do partner. First you gotta cross my palm with a silver coin. And while you’re at it make it 1,000,000 silver coins. Then you gotta run down the stairs from this 7th floor – don’t take the elevator, it’s a trap – taking 2 steps at a time. Make sure you don’t fall and break your bones. Then once you reach the ground floor you will find a troll. He will ask you three questions – get them all right (the answer is always “Yes” no matter what he asks) and he will point you to the direction you need to take. Pay no attention to him and follow my directions.

Walk straight for 10 paces and then turn to the left and then skip, hop and run for exactly 10 minutes. Once 10 minutes are up – stop! You will find a small shop where you have to get a bottle of water and drink from it – only 2 mouthfulls! That done, you turn back and skip, hop and run for another 10 minutes. Then turn to your right and walk 10 paces. Then jog on the spot for an additional 15 minutes. Working up a sweat? Good! Now walk forwards for 2 minutes and then turn left and walk another 10 minutes.

You will have reached a junction. Turn left, grab your crotch and scream “Everytime I think about you I touch myself” and run like a mad dog for 20 minutes. Stop! Let go of your crotch and wipe your hands on a handkerchief. You have reached the coffeeshop. But wait- you have to sit on the bottom stairs and using your bum lift yourself and climb the 10 steps. You have reached the coffeeshop door. Congratulations and you can walk right in. Order a cold one and a sandwich. You have earned it!

Prompt from the Daily Post at

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