Dracula 3D (2012)

Dracula 3D is a Spanish-Italian-French collaboration horror film based on the story of the legendary Count Dracula. Directed by Dario Argento and the film stars Thomas Kretschmann, Marta Gastini, Asia Argento and Rutger Hauer. The film is not a direct adaptation of Bram Stoker’s novel Dracula, but features elements from the novel. I have no idea why they bothered but being such a big Dracula fan, I just had to take a look.

So the story goes like this, in a village up in the Carpathian mountains a young girl, Tania, sneaks out after dark to go and have a rendezvous with her lover Milos. They get naked and do the love making (a sexy nude Marta is probably one of the highlights) and they go their separate ways when Milos doesn’t want to escort Tania home as it is too late. Tania, stupidly removes her crucifix, that Milos had given her, and goes home alone. She is chased by a large owl that turns into Dracula who then bites her, as a villager watches and smiles. A day after she is buried Tania rises as a vampire just as 3 men try to stake her. The next day Johnathan Harker arrives to meet his wife’s best friend Lucy, the daughter of the mayor, who has arranged a job for him as a librarian at the castle of Lord Dracula. He goes there and meets Tania who tries to seduce him until the count himself approaches and chastises her. The following night Tania tries again to bite Harker, she is close to his neck when she is stopped by the count who gets the upper hand and it is he himself who bites Harker’s neck, however allowing him to live. The following day, weakened but still conscious Harker attempts to escape, but as soon as he is outside the castle a large wolf with a white lock assaults and savagely kills him.

Let me stop there for a second- the wolf changing into Dracula has got to be one of the weakest CGI effects I have ever seen, almost cartoonish! Anyways, Mina arrives in town and is greeted by Lucy who is soon bitten by the count. The next day after some rest, Mina on her way to the castle to find Johnathan is attacked by a small pack of wolves who are chased away by a bigger wolf (Dracula). Mina faints and is brought to the castle by Dracula, who has orchestrated all the events to this point as the lovely Mina resembles his long dead lover. Upon her return to the Kisslinger house, Mina learns of the death of her dear friend Lucy. Due to these strange events she invited Dr Abraham Van Helsing to the town. Van Helsing, aware of the circumstances decides to act swiftly and prepares the tools needed to combat vampires. Mina sees him sneaking to the crypt just in time to kill a risen Lucy. Van Helsing must also kill Tania who was sent to kill him. Meanwhile we learn that Dracula has a pact with the villagers and kills the ones who plan on rescinding from it as they fear the bodies piling up. Dracula, intent on his desire to reunite with his beloved wife, leads Mina, completely hypnotized, to the castle where Van Helsing is waiting. Van Helsing plans to shoot at Dracula with special silver bullets but the gun is knocked out of his hands and lands at Mina’s feet. Momentarily snapped out of her trance, while Dracula attacks Van Helsing, Mina shoots Dracula and the special silver bullet transforms Dracula into ashes. Van Helsing leads a distraught Mina back to the village but….after they leave the ashes form a black cloud of dust in the form a sinister bat with a huge grin. Dracula still lives!

Bah humbug! Nothing original, below par film with a simple story and atrocious special effects. Laughable to say the least. Things do pick up with Rutger Hauer appears and it is saved from being a total disaster. 4.5 outta 10!

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