Helpless

Did I fall from the frying pan into the fire? They say history repeats itself. And I feel that I am one of those unfortunate sad saps that just had a deja vu of the worse kind. I had thought that I was past this situation but I find myself smack right in it again and it stings like a hard, open handed slap, from the rough hands of an ogre. I have no one to blame and this time I can’t even blame myself. Everything seemed to be going right and “this was a much more reputed place to be in and this kind of a situation will never arise here” – is what I naively thought to myself. Little did I know. I got a very small warning sign back in the first week of November, a much bigger one in December – which led me to think that things weren’t going right and watch out – but I still looked around me and said that these were just abberations, anomalies at best and that there wasn’t anything to be that worried about.

I was wrong! I find myself in a very similar situation that I found myself to be in just a year and 2 months ago. Sure there are differences here but it’s like a different, extended version of a song which musically may sound quite different from the original but yes the lyrics are the same and the song still is bitter-sweet and melancholic. Money is always a tough topic and it’s awkward and makes you feel uncomfortable even thinking about it or discussing it. I find myself in such a situation, which I thought was well behind me.  January 2013 is 2011 October all over again, back with a bang and a ticket tape parade to boot. I find myself asking the same question that Bruce Willis’c character John McLean asked in the sequel to Die Hard, Die Hard 2 – “how can the same shit happen to the same guy twice?”

I hate this, I hate my situation, I hate the helplessness, I hate my life.

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