Loneliness

“When was the last time you felt really, truly lonely?” Right now! All the time.

I’m a hopeless romantic at heart and I am lonely. I miss having a woman to hold and love. I’ve been single for so long, I’m actually forgetting what it’s like to be with someone. I’m 36 now and it just seems that time is running out for me to find someone who will be my partner, my wife and my soulmate and I don’t know if I will ever find her and get married. I just don’t want to go via the arranged married route – I don’t care about having parents doing the search, having all that rigmarole and nonsense, especially if it’s gonna be that the people start looking into astrology, “jadagham” and Bull crap! That’s just not me.

I’d prefer to find the woman myself, becomes friends first and get to really know her and find out that we both are suited for each other and that we love each other and want to spend the rest of our lives together. Is that too much to ask? I’ve seen real assholes & bitches get married to the ones that they want to and if they can do it and I haven’t till now – what the heck does that say about me? Am I such a big time loser?

I can become really lonely in a huge crowd just because of this thought in the back of my mind. Will I be alone for ever? Will I die never having been married or lived with the love of my life? Am I destined (I hate that word) to be one of those old men who arrived all alone at functions, stays a bit and then leaves before the rest and not be missed at all. That would be the worst thing ever. Going to meet a lot of people, spending time with everyone and then going back all alone. For the rest of my life. Until I die. All alone until the end.

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