Nobody knows that I…

  • ….once contemplated suicide. When I say contemplate I mean I actually went to the roof of this 7 story building and thought about jumping off to my death. When I think back now I think I was just silly although at the time I had tears streaming down my face and thought that life wasn’t worth it. The feeling was short lived and after about an hour clarity hit me and I went back to my apartment.
  • I remember that I was all alone that entire day and it in the afternoon that I thought of ending my life. I remember making lunch, which was instant noodles that I ate from a bowl sitting in the balcony.
  • I’ve never told a soul about it until just now as I write in this blog.
  • Refer to these posts from 2007 – here, here, this one, & finally this one.
  • For some reason I will always associate the Barenaked Ladies song Baby Seat with this day & my brief contemplation of ending my life. I happened to be listening to that song  just before going up to the roof top. While I was standing there crying and envisioning jumping off the roof and falling down on the roof, the song was playing in my head.
  • “You can’t live your life in the baby seat, You’ve got to stand on your own, Don’t admit defeat”

5 thoughts on “Nobody knows that I…

  1. Holy. Shit. Roshan, I had NO IDEA you were ever in that much pain you contemplated ending your life. I DO KNOW that I am VERY happy you did NOT end your life.

    You are a very dear friend to me. I would be devastated if any thing like that ever happened to you.


  2. Awww thanks Meleah. I doubt if I would ever have gone through with it. Looking back now, I’m more embarrassed than anything else. It wasn’t worth killing oneself for and I just think that I was going through a lot of personal changes that led me to feeling down a lot at that time.
    Hugs back.

  3. I’ll tell you a secret.. I have been down a similar path on more than once occasion. It’s a dreadful place to be whether that feeling lasts for hours or days.

    I do find life quite difficult at times and even now it’s often a battle to keep my head above water.

    I’m happy you didn’t do it as you are such a lovely person x

  4. Aww LB thanks for the comment. I love you very much and wouldn’t want anything bad to happen to you too.

    Lots of hugs

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