Home today due to it being a festival holiday. I don’t even care what the reason is, I just like having more days that I can spend at home. More and more, I prefer to spend it alone in my room. If I had my way, I’d only come out for more coffee and some food. And that’s pretty much what I’m doing most days that I am away from work. Alone.
I know I’ve blogged about it before and I’ve got a few of my readers trying to cheer me up or offering advice which I’m not sure that I can follow. I’m lonely. Plain and simple, I’m lonely and mostly it’s because of my doing. I have few friends – I’m talking actual friends. Not colleagues. That could be one reason and the other is that I’m single. I’m lonely and it bothers me.
three amigos movie It wouldn’t bother me so much if I was a bit more younger. I’d feel that I had lots of time in front of me to find my miss right. But I’m 32 now, and even if it isn’t the end of the world, my options seem to be getting dimmer and dimmer. And I have to admit it, I seem to fall for girls/women I shouldn’t be falling for. Just heading for more pain on heartbreak avenue.
I was browsing on my Orkut account this evening when I saw that one of my friends from my previous company had a photo of him and a girl as his profile display pic. I immediately knew that he must have either got engaged or married and quickly clicked over to his profile. Turns out that it was both. He had gotten engaged and married (I think his wedding was in September). I haven’t seen him in over 2 years now, almost 34 months. He had got transfered to Trivandrum in 2005 but we still met once in a while and then to Thrissur. While I got dumped into the company’s sub-agency for a year, he got absorbed into the main firm and is doing well there.
We stopped talking a long while back but there’s no animosity there. We just lost track and I’m happy for him that he’s found a bride and is settling down for a family life of his own. Just like I am for a lady friend who sent me an email to inform me about her wedding, and although I couldn’t go to attend it, I sent her a gift. I’m happy for both of them but seeing stuff like this just reminds me of how lonely I am. I can’t help but feel a twinge of envy.
I’m unhappy with so many things in my life, to change it – where do I begin? I can get so depressed so quickly and I can get angry so easily as well. Certain things really piss me off but I don’t have any control over them so is it good to get upset over those things? I dunno but I’m also wary that if I just be quite then I’ll get trampled all over. I have to be careful as it’s a fine thin line.
Maybe things aren’t so bad. I could be worse off. Is that how lonely people console themselves?