Owner Of A Lonely Heart

Home today due to it being a festival holiday. I don’t even care what the reason is, I just like having more days that I can spend at home. More and more, I prefer to spend it alone in my room. If I had my way, I’d only come out for more coffee and some food. And that’s pretty much what I’m doing most days that I am away from work. Alone.

I know I’ve blogged about it before and I’ve got a few of my readers trying to cheer me up or offering advice which I’m not sure that I can follow. I’m lonely. Plain and simple, I’m lonely and mostly it’s because of my doing. I have few friends – I’m talking actual friends. Not colleagues. That could be one reason and the other is that I’m single. I’m lonely and it bothers me.

three amigos movie It wouldn’t bother me so much if I was a bit more younger. I’d feel that I had lots of time in front of me to find my miss right. But I’m 32 now, and even if it isn’t the end of the world, my options seem to be getting dimmer and dimmer. And I have to admit it, I seem to fall for girls/women I shouldn’t be falling for. Just heading for more pain on heartbreak avenue.

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I was browsing on my Orkut account this evening when I saw that one of my friends from my previous company had a photo of him and a girl as his profile display pic. I immediately knew that he must have either got engaged or married and quickly clicked over to his profile. Turns out that it was both. He had gotten engaged and married (I think his wedding was in September). I haven’t seen him in over 2 years now, almost 34 months. He had got transfered to Trivandrum in 2005 but we still met once in a while and then to Thrissur. While I got dumped into the company’s sub-agency for a year, he got absorbed into the main firm and is doing well there.

We stopped talking a long while back but there’s no animosity there. We just lost track and I’m happy for him that he’s found a bride and is settling down for a family life of his own. Just like I am for a lady friend who sent me an email to inform me about her wedding, and although I couldn’t go to attend it, I sent her a gift. I’m happy for both of them but seeing stuff like this just reminds me of how lonely I am. I can’t help but feel a twinge of envy.

I’m unhappy with so many things in my life, to change it – where do I begin? I can get so depressed so quickly and I can get angry so easily as well. Certain things really piss me off but I don’t have any control over them so is it good to get upset over those things? I dunno but I’m also wary that if I just be quite then I’ll get trampled all over. I have to be careful as it’s a fine thin line.

Maybe things aren’t so bad. I could be worse off. Is that how lonely people console themselves?

8 thoughts on “Owner Of A Lonely Heart”

  1. Only you can address your loneliness, Roshan. You have to develop a strategy for addressing it and stick to it. You have a lot going for you. I am sure you have tried various ways to meet people. Try them again and then some new ones. You can do it. Don’t be afraid.

  2. Too bad you aren’t between 28-32 and single

    Seriously, I’ve got to try something and I’ll, ofcourse, be blogging about anything that happens.

  3. I’d say get a dog (rescue one from your local pound) and you will find your life opening up in ways you never thought possible.

    You need to take it out for walks, socialisation, exercise, training, playtime. You meet tons of people this way. You need to focus on a life other than your own. You are needed. And you gain a friend for life.

    What have you got to lose?

  4. Oh I would love to get a dog. As you should know by now, I love dogs and miss having them as companions. But I live in an apartment and in my state, dogs aren’t allowed inside apartment buildings unless they are for the blind or hearing impaired.

  5. this post makes me sad. I wish I could take away THAT FEELING of loneliness. The one that eats away at you…but I cant. Only you can do that.

    just know that you have a friend in JERSEY thats always wiling to listen/talk with you.


  6. This may sound stupid but… I would so move into a place that allows dogs. You have one life to live… don’t let others dictate too much of it

  7. Meleah : It’s ok. I guess I feel down some days more than others. During those difficult days when I was heart broken back in July & the beginning of August, those mails we sent back and forth helped as I had an outlet for my pain. I’ll be ok.

    Techno : The dog idea is something that I’m looking into but I’ll have to move into a house – and I can’t afford it at the moment. And we don’t have pounds in most parts of India. I’d have to find a dog from a kennel or a canine club. But yeah – the dream is to have a house, wife, dogs & kids.

  8. I hate hearing stories like this – I have had times of loneliness even when I was married believe it or not!

    Are there any evening classes or clubs you could join to widen your circle a bit?

    I know from blogging you are no way the only person in this situation, if only you could all meet up!

    Take care

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