Sorority Row

Ok I love a good slasher movie. Directed by Stewart Hendler, written by Josh Stolberg and Pete Goldfinger, and stars Briana Evigan, Leah Pipes, Rumer Willis, Jamie Chung, Margo Harshman, Audrina Patridge, and Carrie Fisher, Sorority Row, although good on the visuals falls short of being a good movie. Why? Why is the killer killing all those girls? The reasoning is so stupid and unbelievable that when I found out who the killer was, I wanted to shoot the screen!

In the looks department of the female kind, you can’t do much better than the cast of this film – awoooooo woo woo (imitating a wolf’s howling)! What a bunch of babes, who I have never seen before. Leah Pipes leads the babe department and typically, the hottest blonde, is also the biggest bitch in the movie. Well the only bitch but wow what a gal! Jamie Chung is so hot too. I was so surprised to see that this girl, Rumer Willis, who I have seen in in the tv series 90210, is Bruce’s & Demi Moore’s daughter. That was a shocker! She looks cool in a different way but I do not see much of either of the two parents in her. Anyway, I hope she does well, she seems to be on the verge of a good film career.

Well the movie starts off well – at a party in their sorority house, the girls play a joke on Megan’s boyfriend Garrett as they find out that he cheated on her. Megan fakes her death while the two of them are making out and the other girls play along. With the help of her friends, Garrett brings Megan out to a steel mill, intent on dropping her body down a mineshaft. The girls jokingly mention they need to release the air out of her lungs so her body won’t float to the top, and while their backs are turned, Garrett stabs Megan through the chest with a tire iron, actually killing her. That was like the coolest, in a sick & demented way, part of the film.

Panicking, the group dumps Megan’s body in the mineshaft, vowing never to speak of the events that transpired ever again. A year later, someone starts killing all the girls and sending them a photo of a tire iron to their phone. Charlene confess to her therapist and so he is killed by the killer hurling the tire iron at him. Charlene is killed when as she is drinking from a champagne bottle, lying down on the sofa, the hooded killer comes up and shoves the bottle down her throat. While two of the girls discuss the murder in the shower another girl overhears their conversation, so she gets murdered with the tire iron impaled though her head. During the party, Claire’s boyfriend, Mickey, is murdered when the killer pushes the tire iron’s knife end into his throat, with Ellie witnessing it.

The girls go down the shaft to see if the body is still there and Cassidy sees “Theta Pi Must Die” written in blood on the shaft walls. Clair is killed by a shot from a flare gun into her mouth. Mrs Crenshaw, the matron of their sorority house, who tries to help them from the killer is also killed. Jessica’s boyfriend, who initially looks like being the killer chases after the girls, but he is killed by Cassidy’s boyfriend andy- who is the actual killer. He then kills Jessica by stabbing her in the mouth with the tire iorn. Why is he killing everyone? He tells Cassidy that the deaths were for the good of them, killing everyone who knew about her involvement in Megan’s death so they could never tell anyone else and reveal she was involved. He explained how Charlene told her therapist, Joanna overheard the conversation in the shower, Jessica told Kyle and Mrs. Crenshaw (thinking Mrs. Crenshaw had found out about the murder), and how Claire may have told Mickey but that he was a jerk anyway.

And now Ellie & Megan’s sister Maggie is next on his list but Cassidy and the girls fight him off and he is killed by Ellie using a shotgun. The house burns down and Andy falls through the floor which collapses under him. The three girls are safe.

Can you believe that storyline? Of all the shitty reasoning for going on a slashing spree. Oh well, 5 outta 10!

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