The Guilt That Haunts Me

Share a time when you were overcome with guilt. What were the circumstances? How did you overcome you guilt?

I have felt guilty about a lot of things. Too many to count on just one hand. Or two. I have felt guilty that I haven’t been able to fulfill my dreams and ambitions or the potential that I believe I have in me and that others have seen in me. I can’t stress enough how much of a failure I feel because of that and I feel guilty. I can’t showcase that I have achieved something good in my life at this age while others can and that makes me feel that my folks can’t do that either and that makes be feel guilty.

I feel guilty about not being a success career wise and personal wise. I am a lonely bachelor and I am not getting any younger. I can see it in my folks eyes when it is all out to see that my elder sister has been married for 20 years and has 3 kids with her husband and when people ask them about me, they say that I am not married yet. The question inevitably comes as to why (and most Indian people are so fucking nosy) and they do not know why exactly. I do but that is for another day.

I feel guilty because I am not happy. I am living a sad life, a lie and I can’t find a way around it. I am sad and lonely and I need things to change for the better. Sure, a lot of people have it worse off than me. Does that mean I can’t dream and aim for better things? I can’t aim to be happy? I can’t dream that one day a woman who is just awesome and in love with me as much as I will love her will come into my life and want to stay there? I can’t dream that I will have my own little palace to call my own? One has to keep aiming for the life he/she wants or else what are we doing but just surviving?

Prompt from The Daily Post at WordPress.com

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