Number One Idiot of 2006
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away.
Hereâ€™s your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.
Number Two Idiot of 2006
Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing.
Hereâ€™s your sign, guys. Donâ€™t get it wet; the paint might run.
Number Three Idiot of 2006
A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of Ame! rica, walked into the Branch and wrote â€œthis. Put all your muny in thi s bag.â€ While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the tellerâ€™s window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to the Wells Fargo Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasnâ€™t the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America.
Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, â€œOKâ€ and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.
Donâ€™t bother with this guyâ€™s sign. He probably couldnâ€™t read it anyway.
Number Four Idiot of 2006
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that; measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a ticket or $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40. Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture, this time of handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40.
Wise guyâ€¦ but you still get a sign
Number Five Idiot of 2006
A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, â€œBecause I donâ€™t believe you are over 21.â€ The robber said he was, but the clerk ! still refused to give it to him because she didnâ€™t believe him. At this point, the robber took his driverâ€™s license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and she put the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.
This guy definitely needs a sign.
Idiot Number Six of 2006
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, â€œNobody move!â€ When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
This guy doesnâ€™t even deserve a sign
Idiot Number Seven of 2006
Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that heâ€™d just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run.
So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape.
Yep, Hereâ€™s your sign (Please note that all of the above people are allowed to vote)
Idiots in the Neighborhood
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason â€œToo many deer are being hit by cars out here! I donâ€™t think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.â€
From Kingman, KS.
Idiots in Food Service
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for â€œminimal lettuce.â€ He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg. He was a Chef?
Yepâ€¦ From Kansas City!
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked,â€Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge? To which I replied, â€œIf it was without my knowledge, ho w would I know?â€ He smiled knowingly and nodded, â€œThatâ€™s why we ask.â€
Happened in Birmingham , Ala.
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when its safe to cross the street I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, â€œWhat on earth are blind people doing driving?!â€
She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS
At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker. She was leaving the company due toâ€ downsizing.â€ Our manager commented cheerfully, â€œThis is fun. We should do this more often.â€ Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.
This was a bunch at Texas Instruments.
I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her own life, couldnâ€™t understand why her system would not turn on.
A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office no less.
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the drivers side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. â€œHey,â€ I announced to the technician, â€œits open!â€ His reply, â€œI know – I already got that side.â€
This was at the CHEVY dealership in Canton , Mississippi!
They walk among us .. and they REPRODUCE â€¦!!!
Song for the day – “American Idiot” – GREEN DAY