Tell us about a habit you’d like to break. Is there any way it can play a positive role in your life?
I’m not really sure if this can ever be positive in the least. The habit that I’d like to break is falling for the wrong girl. And by that I mean unattainable women and not that there is anything wrong with them. Other than the fact that I have no chance with them.
I guess that is why I am lonely and a still a bachelor at 39. The heart desires what the heart desires and I have no control over it (note – I know that it’s not the heart that chooses and that it’s actually the brain and chemicals but it’s a hard thing to change) and I guess that is a recurring thing for me. This time it’s probably the worst – I have fallen and fallen hard with a woman who is married and has a baby! Yes, I am that bad.
Yes she is gorgeous and beautiful but that isn’t what that attracted me to her and is making me feel this way. When I first met her, I thought “damn, she’s gorgeous” but nothing much beyond that. And I became her friend and started to get to know her. Now it’s almost 5 months later and I’ve gotten to know her pretty well and she’s amazing, funny, smart and she enjoys a lot of things that I enjoy and I can joke with her and make her laugh. I realized a few weeks ago that I had started thinking about her a lot and that I didn’t even realize that it has happened.
I even tried avoiding her for a while but it just made her think something was wrong with me. Two weeks ago I spent some time with her over two days and I enjoyed it so much and yet my heart was breaking inside as I knew that nothing would ever happen. I was away for a week for work purposes and all I could think of the whole journey to and fro and the days in between was here. About how I wish I had met her a few years ago. About how much I wish things were different.
I know eventually I will get over it and I have no plans of even giving her a hint of how I really feel about her. But it is tough to get over. I wish I didn’t feel this way. But while I am on the subject of wishing, can I wish to go back in time and be the one who wins her heart?
Prompt from The Daily Post at WordPress.com