Willing To Trade Eternal Sunshine For A Spotless Mind

I’ve struggled with forgetting about my heartbreak. I’ve tried to keep myself occupied and busy. Even when I don’t have anything to do I keep reading or listening to music or watching a movie / tv series. Just so I don’t start thinking again. Thinking of what should have been. Well, according to me only. I guess that’s the way one tries to forget about the person you have been longing for.

I’ve come to terms with the fact that she will never ever feel about me the way I feel about her. And that I may never ever see her face to face again. It’s not easy. I’ve tried everything that I can think of to forget her but it’s way too soon for that. It won’t ever go away completely. And I’ve settled with myself that what I thought I’d heard was just my imagination or wishful thinking on my part. That, in that moment of weakness, she had actually said that she shares the same feelings that I have with her.

There….I have finally out that in words. I must have wished so hard for her to feel the same way about me that it seemed to me that she said that. While she was crying, talking to me from the airport. I must have been hearing things. Sure, anyone in my position would be desperate enough to want to hear something like that. And so I was. I was that naive.

So now that’s behind me. What I wouldn’t give to be able to completely remove her from my memory. Wipe away every moment I spent with her from my brain, like in that movie. I want to forget that she ever existed and never want to have even seen or spoken to her. I would give anything if that could be arranged.