Chatting With My Cousin

I’ve been chatting with my cousin Raakhee a bit these days. Chatting with her reminds me of the old days when she was here; she’s been living in the US for the past 13 years with her husband and they have 3 kids now. I’ve seen her 3 or 4 times since then, whenever they are able to come down for a visit. She & I have been reminiscing about the old days, which brings a big smile to my face. Like

  • When I was around 16-17 (she is 2 years older) she noticing & commenting on something between my sister & I; Raakhee used to define “irony” as my sister Sherine, going to the bottom of the stairs and yelling at the top of her voice and straining her lungs “Roshan! Stop SHOUTING!!!!” My voice was no way as loud as my sister bellowing at me.
  • I remember having a nightmare when I was around 18 – me going into this dark & damp grey house. Straight outta a horror/slasher movie. I was creeped out and then looking around found my sister & Raakhee sitting at a table, sharpening huge butcher knives with sinister looks on their faces and calling me “Wanna play?”
  • The two of them also wanted to make dinner one evening when my folks were out. I said ok and they proceeded to concoct some sticky ash grey matter with lumps that stuck to the sides of the cooking pot – it was supposed to be Chinese Chilli Chicken. And next to that was a smaller bowl filled with, what looked to me like dried up shampoo or conditioner that had been rinsed – that was supposed to be a souffle!!!! In no way did either of the dishes look remotely like, I dunno, food!! The two of them looked exhausted and messy and well, we ended up eating it.
  • When we used to get up early in the mornings for studying for the exams, I’d make her coffee (she loved my strong, black coffee) and she’d drink it, claim it to be great ….and then go back to sleep right away!
  • And my favourite one – one night some cousins & I were sitting in my room in my house and Raakhee decided to tell us a ghost story when the power went off. So sitting with a torch light, she proceeded to tell us a story at as the suspense build and I was engrossed in the tale, she flashed the torch light on her face and screamed out loud – scaring the living crap outta me!

I miss her, not her cooking though!!!  Oh and Raakhee was the one responsible for naming my dog Shawny, suggesting it as at that time we used to watch Baywatch and blondie babe Erika Eliniak’s character was named “Shawny” or “Shawnee” in that series. That will forever be the most endearing fact about her for me.

Shifty-Eyed Evader or Unblinking Intimidator?

Ah yes, I think at the moment I come right into the middle. I used to be extremely non-confrontational and shy and always backed off when people glared at me. Although this has not changed too much, I do hope that I have improved quite a bit. In that for me it seems that I can be more upfront and not back down from some idiot asshole who seems to look down upon me for reasons which only he believes are inferior or weak. I am not letting people do that to me anymore.

Let me give you an example; the starer! The impolite, fucking ass morons whose parents apparently did a fucked up job of raising them, who look down at you in a very obvious way. When I commute, I at times, although those are very rare and far apart now, get stared at by some dim-witted father fucker. The only reason I can think of for them to stare at me in such a manner is because they are fucking assholes who think I am too fat. I don't think so numbnuts! I know I am fat, but not as much as you think I am. And even if I was, its just to fucking rude to do so. So think of this, each time you stare at me unkindly, after you die you will be gang raped in the ass that many times by the demons of eternity with penises the size of a baseball bat!

Anyway, back to my topic, so when earlier I used to back away and either lower my head or look away, now I just stare back with a look on face that is just like giving them the middle finger and saying "so that's one for you in hell"! Sometimes I do give them the middle finger — and they look away. Often I do not have to do that; they get intimidated quite easily and look away when I stare back. Cause when I stare back it's like "You? You pathetic excuse for a human, look down upon ME!!!"

It's like my cousin Manoj once stated: back in 2000-01 we were both in Mattancherry at the market and two morons were whispering to each other and pointing at us and no doubt making fun of us as we are both fat. I was upset and looked down. Manoj say this, patted me on the shoulder and said "Look at them! Those two grown men, holding each other's pinky fingers and walking around. And they are making fun of us!" And we both laughed out loud at them!!!

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