Haunted Tale

I will tell you a story I first heard many, many years ago when I was still a teenager.

There was a young man who was the only son & sole heir of his rich parents. The three of them lived in a giant mansion at the top of a hill, which was the only house for atleast 5 miles. They gave him everything he could ever want. Anything he desired, they bought for him and his life was wonderful. When he turned 25 both his parents passed away due to old age and the young man was lonely, living alone in his big giant house and spending the family money on drinks & food and investing in various ventures. Soon he started to mingle with the young and rich and at a party he met this young, beautiful woman and fell in love with her.

She was an orphan who was working for a small company in the nearby town and she was as lonely as he was and they soon started dating. He spent money on her and they enjoyed the high life. She however didn’t want much riches but only his love. After 6 months they got married and for a wedding present he got her 10 rings for each finger, each one embedded with a different precious stone. The most expensive one was a huge red ruby ring which she wore on the middle finger of her right hand. The happy couple spent their days traveling and enjoying themselves. Meanwhile money started becoming tight as the young man stopped paying attention to his various business ventures. After a year passed he realized that he was almost broke and started gambling to make more money. When he started losing at card games he started selling some of his expensive stuff to pay off his debts. But the bills and debts kept piling. One night as his wife lay asleep, he thought that if he sold off her rings he’d have enough money to pay off his debts and still have a lot of money left over. As she slept he killed her in his sleep by strangling her and then removed her rings. However the big ruby ring was tightly placed and so he had to cut off her middle finger and then remove the ring. He then dumped the body in a far of swamp.

The young man sold the rings and payed off his debts using the money he got for the rings and reported his wife missing. He kept a low profile not going out too much but staying in for most of the week and only going out for supplies. Another year passed and late one rainy evening he was driving back to his mansion when he picked up a young woman who said she was lost. He suggested that she spend the night at his place, as it was raining quite heavily and it was late. He said that he would take her to the town the next morning. She agreed and they went to his house. He had to light some candles as the power was out due to the heavy rains and lightnings. As they settled in he asked her if she would like a drink and she replied that she would. So he mixed two scotch & sodas and handed one to her and they both sat on opposite chairs and relaxed. As the young man admired her beauty his gaze happened to fall on the glass she was holding and saw that she was holding it with her right hand……………but her middle finger was missing!

Hesitantly the young man asked, what had happened to her middle finger. Oh that, she said well that’s……………..LOOK BEHIND YOU!!

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Arsenal 7 Reading 5

Arsenal came back from being 0-4 goals down to defeat Reading 7 goals to 5 in their round of 16 League Cup / Capital One Cup match. Arsene Wenger¬†conceded Arsenal had been heading for humiliation before a Theo Walcott hat-trick and two Marouane Chamakh goals took them into the last eight. Arsenal found themselves 4-0 down after 35 minutes having been out-fought and out-thought during the opening exchanges at the Madejski Stadium. But crucially Theo Walcott reduced the deficit just before half-time to set up the platform for an incredible second half revival that took thm game into extra time. Marouane Chamakh put Arsenal in front for the first time on the night with a goal in the first period of extra time only for Reading striker Pavel Pogrebnyak to make it 5-5. But Walcott restored Arsenal’s lead before Chamakh scored Arsenal’s seventh.

  • Reading are the first ever team in the either the League Cup or FA Cup to score five goals and lose the game.
  • It is not the first time Reading have been beaten 7-5. The Royals, despite four goals from Kerry Dixon, lost by the same scoreline at Third Division opponents Doncaster Rovers in September 1982.
  • Reading versus Arsenal was the first League Cup game to be 4-4 at 90 minutes since Port Vale verses Chester in August 1999.
  • Reading have faced Arsenal on 10 occasions in all competitions and have lost every one of them.

Irish Drinking Jokes

Brenda O’Malley is home making dinner as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. “Brenda, may I come in?” he asks. “I’ve somethin’ to tell ya.” “Of course you can come in. You’re always welcome, Tim. But where’s my husband?”

“That’s what I’m here to be tellin’ ya, Brenda. There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery.”

“Oh, God no!” cries Brenda. “Please don’t tell me…”

“I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I’m sorry.”

Finally, she looked up at Tim. “How did it happen, Tim?”

“It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness and drowned.”

“Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?”

“Well, no. Fact is, he got out three times to take a pee.


Three Irishmen are adrift at sea. They are terribly thirsty. Suddenly a mermaid comes up and says “Ill shall grant you one wish.” Without thinking one of the Irishman says ” I want you to turn the sea to Guinness.”

The mermaid said. “Let it be done” And so the sea was turned to Guinness. Then one of the other Irishman said “Fuck, where we gonna piss?”


After the Great Britain Beer Festival, in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer. The guy from Corona sits down and says “Hey Senor, I would like the world’s best beer, a Corona.” The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.

The guy from Budweiser says “I’d like the best beer in the world, give me ‘The King Of Beers’, a Budweiser.” The bartender gives him one.

The guy from Coors says “I’d like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors.” He gets it.

The guy from Guinness sits down and says “Give me a Coke.” The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.

The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask “Why aren’t you drinking a Guinness?” and the Guinness president replies

“Well, if you guys aren’t drinking beer, neither will I.”

It Sparkles

Had an unplanned & unexpected evening out drinking with my best buddy Anil. I was about to go into a coffeeshop in Shenoy’s Junction after work when he called me up and said that he was nearby and wanted to have some drinks and was I ready to join in. I said yes and I met him at Velocity 20 minutes later. We had 3 orange flavoured vodkas + sprite (for me) and 3 JDF brandy (for him), he had garlic chicken, I had some chilly chicken and soup and we shared a salad. He was going back to his uncle’s place and have a little dinner with them while I was basically done. Good evening with a long discussion.

Look at my vodka + sprite – it’s alive!

Attack The Block

I’ve seen very few British films and can probably only name a handful that I have really liked. Attack The Block is one of them. This is a 2011 British science fiction thriller with elements of horror and some comedy stuff thrown in for good measure. Directed by Joe Cornish the movie stars Jodie Whittaker,¬†John Boyega, Alex Esmail,¬†Franz Drameh,¬†Leeon Jones, and¬†Simon Howard with a smaller supporting role by Nick Frost.

The movie starts off with young nurse Sam who is walking back home on Bonfire Night talking to her mother on the phone. She is accosted on the way by a gang of teenagers who mug her but as the leader, Mose, asks her for her ring, something falls from the sky and into a nearby car. Sam takes the distraction and runs off to her place while the boys investigate the object – which turns out to be a small creature with no eyes and multiple rows of neon teeth. The creature runs off and the boys chase it. After it kills a pet dog, Moses and his boys kills the creature and takes it to ¬†drug dealer Ron for storage and advice as to how to market it. They ask Ron’s boss Hi-Hat to store it in fortified weed room.

More objects begin to fall from the sky. Eager to fight more of the creatures, the gang arm themselves and go to the nearest crash site. They find new, larger aliens with huge claws and multiple rows of luminescent fangs. Outmatched, the boys run off but Moses is arrested by the cops after being identified by Sam who is riding with them in the van. The cops are killed by the creatures and Dennis gets in the van and they drive off away from the creatures – only to crash into Hi-Hat’s car. Sam runs away while the rest of Moses’ gang catch up and confront Hi-Hatz. Enraged about his car, Hi-Hatz threatens them with a gun, refusing to believe their story of aliens – until his henchman is attacked by one, allowing the gang to escape. The gang escape to their block but get attacked by the aliens, forcing Biggz to hide in a trash box. One of the creatures mauls Pest’s leg.

Running into their building, they find Sam is actually their neighbour and force their way into her flat and ask her to treat Biggz’s leg. Just as she patches him up, a creature bursts in and Moses kills it. The boys & Sam run to a nieghbouring girl’s apartment, who is enjoying an evening in with her gals, all friends of the boys. The aliens instead attack from outside, smashing through the window and killing Dennis. As one alien is about to kill Moses, Sam stabs it through the head, saving him. The girls note that the aliens are going straight for Moses and kick the boys out. Out in the hall, Hi-hat and his men are waiting for the boys but are chased into an elevator by an alien. Hi-Hatz kills the alien, though his henchmen perish, and continues his search for Moses. Making their way upstairs to Ron’s weed room, the gang again encounter aliens. Using fireworks as distractions, they get by, but Jerome becomes disoriented in the smoke and is killed by an alien. Entering Ron’s flat they find that Hi-Hatz is already there. Hi-Hatz prepares to shoot Moses but hordes of aliens smash through the window and kill him.

Biggz, still trapped in the bin by an awaiting alien, is saved by Probs and Mayhem, two children, using a water-gun filled with petrol and a flame to torch the creature. In the weed room Brewis notices a secretion all over Moses’s clothes and deduces that the aliens are probably males who are tracking him based on the pheromone scent left by the female that he has killed. ¬†The gang form a plan for Sam, who has not been stained with the pheromone, to go to Moses’ flat and turn on the gas oven. Before she leaves, Moses forces Pest to return the ring they stole from her, feeling guilty for having mugged her. Sam successfully avoids the aliens, turns on the gas and leaves the Block. Moses, with the dead female alien strapped to his back, rushes out of the weed room and into his flat. There he throws the female into the kitchen and the males follow. Using a firework, Moses ignites the gas-filled room and leaps out the window. The explosion destroys the aliens. Moses survives by hanging on to a British flag and pulls himself back in after the aliens are killed.

In the aftermath, Moses, Pest, Brewis and Ron are arrested, considered responsible for the deaths around the Block including the two policemen who had earlier arrested Moses; Sam, however, comes to their defence. In the back of the police van, Moses and Pest hear the residents of the Block cheering for Moses, causing Moses to smile. Despite the annoying gansta rap and gansta talk, in British style too, I liked this movie. It also starts off a bit dull but picks up soon. Nick Frost doesn’t have much of a role and is there to attract fans of the genre. However it didn’t work; despite being hailed as one of the best of 2011 and recent years, the movie only made 3.6 million of it’s 8 million pound budget. Still it has sold well on dvd & bluray and should be labelled as a cult favourite. 8 outta 10 for me.


I can speak English, Malayalam and not too comfortable in Hindi. In that I can understand Hindi almost completely but am not to comfortable in speaking it with enough confidence. I can get by if needed but it’s just that since the mid 90s, I stopped watching Hindi movies and tv shows and I don’t live in an area of India where it is spoken all the time. So I kind have lost touch with the language and I will make a lot of mistakes, mostly grammar, when I speak in Hindi. But yes, I do understand it well and can converse if push comes to shove.

When I was young I learned some Arabic as I was born in Kuwait and lived there till the age of 11. We had to learn some basic Arabic as a 3rd language in our school (3rd after English & Hindi) and it wasn’t given much importance as it was an Indian board school, teaching us the CBSE syllabus that is taught in India, the central Indian school syllabus. Same textbooks, Indian management and mostly Indian teachers. However I soon forgot all the Arabic I learned (which was very little) in a few short years once we settled down in India.

I wish I could speak fluent French, Arabic and Spanish sounds fun. Italian (will also need to gesture a lot and grab my crotch a few times in a conversation), German, Dutch, Cantonese, Mandarin, Tamil, Telugu. If you can speak a lot of languages, it makes it so much more fun when you travel. Oh and I’d love to be able to speak Klingon & Vulcan.

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Arsenal 1 QPR 0

Mikel Arteta’s late winner finally ended bottom-club QPR’s resistance as Arsenal ended a turbulent week with a vital Premier League win. Arteta poked in from close range, after his initial header hit the QPR crossbar, as Arsenal bounced back from defeats by Norwich and Schalke.

The winner came moments after QPR’s Stephane M’Bia was sent off for kicking out at Arsenal’s Thomas Vermaelen. QPR’s Esteban Granero and Jamie Mackie spurned glorious injury-time chances. England midfielder Jack Wilshere played 67 minutes as he made his first senior Arsenal appearance for 17 months.

The X-Files – Season 4

The 4th season started airing on the¬†Fox network¬†in the United States on October 4, 1996, concluding on the same channel on May 18, 1997, and contained 24 episodes. Pursued by an¬†Alien Bounty Hunter,¬†Jeremiah Smith takes Mulder to a farm where he finds several girls who are clones of his sister. In the next episode, a really weird one in which I don’t like the ending, the agents investigate the death of an infant with disturbing birth defects, and the trail leads to a clan of inbred, genetic mutants in a small otherwise peaceful town. Mulder and Scully are called in to investigate the unexplained deaths of several African and African-American people whose skin color has turned white as the result of either a rare medical disorder or a bizarre curse.

Next Agents Mulder and Scully investigate a group of bizarre kidnappings in which the only clues are inexplicable photographs. But when Scully is the next intended victim, Mulder must get into the killer‚Äôs head. Mulder‚Äôs search for an informant inside a cult compound leads Scully and him to one of the cult leader‚Äôs wives. What they soon discover is an unexpectedly close connection with the woman – in a previous life they were lovers.¬†After Mulder’s regression scene, he clearly details all of his¬†past lives.¬†Bizarre murders in a hospital’s¬†plastic surgery¬†unit lead Mulder and Scully to suspect a supernatural force may be responsible. Mulder, Scully and Byers meet with Frohike, where he details what may have been¬†Cigarette Smoking Man‚Äôs real life. A diplomatic courier carrying deadly cargo involves Agents Mulder and Scully in a dangerous web of intrigue, with Krycek involved, which leads Mulder on a trip to¬†Russia. Scully and Skinner attend a suspicious Senate hearing, while Mulder and Krycek face off in a Russian¬†gulag.

Agent Mulder is haunted by an old case in which young girls were killed and hearts cut from their nightgowns. Soon Mulder becomes suspicious when the killer taunts him with the idea that one of his victims may have been Samantha. Deadly rain in a migrant workers camp sends Agent Mulder and Scully on the trail of a mythical beast ‚ÄĒ¬†El Chupacabra. The disappearance of a man’s body from a hospital morgue leads Mulder and Scully to investigate the strange circumstances surrounding the man‚Äôs death. However, for Scully it will lead to a horrifying revelation. On a solo assignment out of town, Scully meets Mr. Wrong, a man whose tattoo does not want to share him – especially not with Scully. Fear for Scully’s health sends Mulder to investigate the bizarre circumstances that may explain her mysterious abduction two years ago, while Scully takes a more practical course to quell her illness. A murder in a¬†Jewish¬†community leads to the deaths of the killers, forcing Mulder and Scully to determine whether vengeance or larger forces are at work.¬†The mysterious assassination of a high-ranking military official has Mulder and Scully racing against the clock to stop a seemingly unstoppable – and invisible – assassin. While celebrating Scully’s birthday, Mulder learns of Max Fenig’s death in a plane crash. What the agents soon discover is that the circumstances surrounding the crash may have been alien. The investigation continues for agents Mulder and Scully of the apparent downing of Flight 549 by a UFO. They encounter deadly opposition from the military, which continues to cover up the truth of incident.

Mulder and Scully investigate a murder for which the suspect presents an incredible alibi ‚ÄĒ that the death was foretold by an old man able to see into the future. A small town is ‚Äúblessed‚ÄĚ by babies being born with tails. Mulder and Scully arrive only to encounter a suspect who proves nearly impossible to identify. Agent Mulder launches a criminal investigation into a bizarre death which he finds has connections to A.D. Skinner. Meanwhile, Skinner makes his own deal with the devil in a desperate attempt to save Scully from the cancer that is taking over her body. Mulder and Scully track a series of murders that lead to a home for the mentally ill and a clue that makes no sense: each victim had a purported warning from the dead. However, while Mulder makes some surprising discoveries, Scully is reminded of her own mortality. Scully is concerned for Mulder‚Äôs well-being when he suffers from a memory loss while investigating a case ‚ÄĒ and is the only suspect in a brutal double murder. Researchers in northern Canada discover what may finally be irrefutable proof of alien existence, but even Mulder is skeptical until sinister agents begin to kill to prevent its revelation, leading to a shocking conclusion.

This season focused heavily on¬†FBI¬†federal agents¬†Fox Mulder’s (David Duchovny) and his partner¬†Dana Scully’s (Gillian Anderson) investigation of an alien conspiracy, which is protected by the mysterious¬†Syndicate. Midway through the season, Scully is diagnosed with terminal cancer, a result of her¬†previous abduction, and Mulder begins to lose his faith in the idea of extraterrestrials. The season ends on acliffhanger, with the purported suicide of Mulder.

Elephant Dung Coffee

Thailand’s more elite resort chains is releasing “one of the most expensive and exclusive” varities of coffee in the world. The coffee is ground by hand and brewed at 93 degrees Celsius in a syphon machine “using technology developed in 1840 in Austria.” According to the resort’s press release, the result is a “very clean and flavourful taste,” which is a curious way to describe coffee brewed through beans picked from elephant feces! No you didn’t read that wrongly. Yes, it’s elephant dung coffee!!

The Black Ivory blend, made from coffee beans digested and excreted by Thai elephants, is billed as producing a particularly smooth cup. “Research indicates that during digestion, the enzymes of the elephant break down coffee protein,” the Thai-based hotel group, which is selling the pungent brew at around $50 for two cups, said in a statement sent to AFP on Thursday. “Since protein is one of the main factors responsible for bitterness in coffee, less protein means almost no bitterness.” —– Oh really!

At $1,100 per kilo — roughly $27 a cup — it really ought to be the cleanest, most flavorful taste on the planet. Elephant caretakers dig through the dung of the elephants in their care to extract & retrieve coffee beans digested by graceful pachyderms.

Beer Types – Altbier

Altbier is a German top-fermenting beer brewed in D√ľsseldorf and other parts of North Rhine-Westphalia. The name Altbier, which means old beer, refers to the pre-lager brewing method of using a warm top-fermenting yeast. Over time the Alt yeast adjusted to lower temperatures, and the Alt brewers would store or lager the beer after fermentation, leading to a cleaner, crisper beer than is the norm for some other top-fermented beers such as British pale ale.

The Bavarian Reinheitsgebot (beer purity law) of 1516 did not affect brewers of the Rhineland. As such, the brewing traditions in this region developed slightly differently. For example, brewing during the summer was illegal in Bavaria, but the cooler climate of the Rhineland allowed Alt brewers to brew all year long and to experiment with storing fermented beer in cool caves and cellars. The first brewery to use the name Alt was Schumacher which opened in 1838.Alt is a dark, lagered, top-fermented beer that has some of the lean dryness of a lager but with fruity notes.

Well known German Altbier that does not come from D√ľsseldorf is produced by the Pinkus M√ľller brewery in M√ľnster, the Diebels brewery in Issum, the Gleumes brewery in Krefeld and the Bolten brewery in Korschenbroich. Venlo, a city in the Netherlands on the German border near D√ľsseldorf, produced the first Dutch Altbier. Altbier is also brewed in small quantities in Austria, Switzerland and the United States. Some Altbier breweries have a tradition of producing a somewhat stronger version known as Sticke Alt, coming from a local dialect word meaning “secret”. It is generally a seasonal or special occasion brew, and is stronger and sometimes darker than the brewery’s standard output.

Zum Schl√ľssel has recently colloborated with Creemore Springs, and created a style of Altbier at its brewery located in Ontario, Canada. In order to ensure the company is making an authentic Altbier, Creemore Springs actually sent its brewmaster, Gordon Fuller, and head brewer Bryan Egan to Dusseldorf in February of 2012 to learn about the traditional brewing methods. This has resulted in a collaborative effort between Creemore Springs and the Zum Schlussel brewpub, which provided samples of its house yeast strain for the brew. The ability to draw on the flavour imparted by the traditional yeast strain has the benefit of making the Altbier more than simply an homage to the style. The yeast strains used in Dusseldorf represent hundreds of years of brewing.

Put In His Place

Wife comes into the living room and casually chats with her husband, who is absorbed in watching a football match on the flat screen tv:

Wife : Who’s playing?
Husband : Two teams. Their club names are on the screen.

Wife: What’s the score?
Husband : that’s the score shown on the right hand side of the screen.

Wife : So who’s winning?
Husband (getting annoyed and changes the tone of his voice): The team that’s ahead on goals!

Wife (changes her tone): So, who’s gonna make you dinner tonite?
Husband : honey, it’s Barcelona vs Real Madrid and Barcelona, the team playing on the right handside, are winning by 3 goals to 1!

You Were A Fighter For Peace On This Earth

All the way back from 1989 here’s White Lion’s Little Fighter. The song is about a¬†Greenpeace¬†boat named “Rainbow Warrior” which was destroyed by the¬†French. Inside the Big Game album booklet where the Little Fighter lyrics are located it says “In Memory of Rainbow Warrior” in brackets next to the name. The song charted at #52 on¬†The Billboard Hot 100¬†and #12 on The¬†Mainstream Rock¬†Charts in the¬†US, and #65 in¬†Canada.

New York Islanders To Move To Brooklyn

With the NHL in a lockout, there’s no new season for 2012-03 (as of yet, we might still get half a season if a new CBA agreement is reached soon) and hence I’m low on news hockey wise – till now!

The New York Islanders are set to announce that¬†they will be moving to the Barclays Center in Brooklyn, New York when their lease expires at Nassau Coliseum after the 2014-15 season. The team has called a news conference for this afternoon at the new arena, which will be home to the NBA’s Brooklyn Nets this season. The news conference will be attended by Islanders owner Charles Wang and general manager Garth Snow, NHL commissioner Gary Bettman and New York City mayor Michael Bloomberg among others.

Wang has been lobbying for a new arena for his team for several years. The Nassau Coliseum has been home to the team since it was built in 1972. Wang has been frustrated in his attempts to find a new location in recent years. Last summer, his proposal to build a new arena and keep the Islanders on Long Island was voted down in a referendum by local residents.

This should be a case of same team, same players & staff, same owner but new city, new arena and there they should get a new name by then. It’s a shame as the NY Islanders have such a great history with their dynasty team winning¬† 4 Stanley Cups in the 80s.

It’s Not You, It’s Me!

At some time or the other we will all go through this in our lives. People change and so do we. Sometimes things don’t work out the way we wanted or hoped to. The things we wanted as children are not the same that we wanted as adults. Or the ideas and thoughts, the principals. And not everyone thinks in the same way as we do, hence there is bound to be conflict. Somethings which you didn’t think of as too serious when you were kids are dead serious now and if people don’t adjust there might be hard consequences to pay. That is what happens when some friendships, especially the ones from when you were younger, break up when you are an adult.

That has happened to me a couple of times. Let’s see, one friendship I ended, or it mutually ended but I was the first to say “quit”, after I found out that this friend of mine, one I trusted for 11 years, had betrayed my confidence in her. She was whispering all the facts, fears and secrets and all the stuff that I was telling her in confidence to her boyfriend who I did not trust at all. Each time I talked to her she knew that I was only comfortable in sharing my deepest thoughts only to a close friend and not to all and sundry and yet she would blab it all out to that jackass moron who in turn felt threatened by our closeness. First of all, if I was comfortable in telling him this stuff then I wouldn’t need a go between like her and go and confide in him in the first place. He would in turn use that information to make things embarrassing for me and use it to hurt my feelings in public. When I found out what she was doing, I confronted her over the phone and we duked it out for a while and in 30 minutes we ended our friendship of over a decade.

I have had to end a couple of other friendships, which weren’t of that long a duration, just because I knew that they weren’t good for me and were leading me astray. I knew that it was the right thing to do and if I continued down that path I would make things bad for me. Those were wise decisions and I never regretted them even once.

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Ready For Children?

Got this from Lady Banana who found this on the Daily Mail!

Test 1: Preparation

Women: To prepare for pregnancy
1. Put on a dressing gown and stick a beanbag down the front.
2. Leave it there.
3. After 9 months remove 5% of the beans.
Men: To prepare for children
1. Go to a local chemist, tip the contents of your wallet onto the counter and tell the pharmacist to help himself
2. Go to the supermarket. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.
3. Go home. Pick up the newspaper and read it for the last time.
Test 2: Knowledge
Find a couple who are already parents and berate them about their methods of discipline, lack of patience, appallingly low tolerance levels and how they have allowed their children to run wild.
Suggest ways in which they might improve their child’s sleeping habits, toilet training, table manners and overall behaviour.
Enjoy it. It will be the last time in your life that you will have all the answers.
Test 3: Nights
To discover how the nights will feel:
2.  At 10pm, put the bag down, set the alarm for midnight and go to sleep.1. Walk around the living room from 5pm to 10pm carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 4 Р6kg, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly.
3. Get up at 11pm and walk the bag around the living room until 1am.
4. Set the alarm for 3am.
5. As you can’t get back to sleep, get up at 2am and make a cup of tea.
6. Go to bed at 2.45am.
7. Get up again at 3am when the alarm goes off.
8. Sing songs in the dark until 4am.
9. Put the alarm on for 5am. Get up when it goes off.
10. Make breakfast.
Keep this up for 5 years. LOOK CHEERFUL.
Test 4: Dressing Small Children
1. Buy a live octopus and a string bag.
2. Attempt to put the octopus into the string bag so that no arms hangout.
Time Allowed: 5 minutes.
Test 5: Cars
1. Forget the BMW. Buy a practical 5-door wagon.
2. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there.
3. Get a coin. Insert it into the CD player.
4. Take a box of chocolate biscuits; mash them into the back seat.
5. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.
Test 6: Going for a walk
b. Go out the front door.a. Wait.
c. Come back in again.
d. Go out.
e. Come back in again.
f. Go out again.
g. Walk down the front path.
h. Walk back up it.
i. Walk down it again.
j. Walk very slowly down the road for five minutes.
k. Stop, inspect minutely and ask at least 6 questions about every piece of used chewing gum, dirty tissue and dead insect along the way.
l. Retrace your steps.
m. Scream that you have had as much as you can stand until the neighbours come out and stare at you.
n. Give up and go back into the house.
You are now just about ready to try taking a small child for a walk.
Test 7: Conversations with children
Repeat everything you say at least 5 times.
Test 8: Grocery Shopping
1. Go to the local supermarket. Take with you the nearest thing you can find to a pre-school child – a fully grown goat is excellent. If you intend to have more than one child, take more than one goat.
2. Buy your weekly groceries without letting the goat(s) out of your sight.
3. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys.
Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.
Test 9: Feeding a 1 year-old
1. Hollow out a melon
2. Make a small hole in the side
3. Suspend the melon from the ceiling and swing it side to side
4. Now get a bowl of soggy cornflakes and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon while pretending to be an aeroplane.
5. Continue until half the cornflakes are gone.
6. Tip the rest into your lap, making sure that a lot of it falls on the floor.
Test 10:TV
1. Learn the names of every character from the Wiggles, Barney, Teletubbies and Disney.
2. Watch nothing else on television for at least 5 years.

Test 11:  Mess

Can you stand the mess children make? To find out:
1. Hide a fish behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.
2. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains
3. Stick your fingers in the flowerbeds and then rub them on clean walls. Cover the stains with crayon. How does that look?
4. Empty every drawer/cupboard/storage box in your house onto the floor and proceed with step 5.
5. Drag randomly items from one room to another room and leave them there.
Test 12: Long Trips with Toddlers
1. Make a recording of someone shouting ‘Mummy’ repeatedly. Important Notes: No more than a 4 second delay between each Mummy. Include occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet.
2. Play this tape in your car, everywhere you go for the next 4 years.
You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.
Test 13:Conversations
1. Start talking to an adult of your choice.
2. Have someone else continually tug on your shirt hem or shirt sleeve while playing the Mummy tape listed above.
You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.
Test 14: Getting ready for work
1. Pick a day on which you have an important meeting.
2. Put on your finest work attire.
3. Take a cup of cream and put 1 cup of lemon juice in it
4. Stir
5. Dump half of it on your nice silk shirt
6. Saturate a towel with the other half of the mixture
7. Attempt to clean your shirt with the same saturated towel
8. Do not change (you have no time).
9. Go directly to work

The Social Network

Directed by David Fincher ¬†written by¬†Aaron Sorkin, The Social Network is a telling of the story of how Facebook came to be and the lawsuits that were a result of it. The movie is based on Ben Mezrich’s 2009 book The Accidental Billionaires and starts Jesse Eisenberg, Armie Hammer, Andrew Garfield & Justin Timberlake (yuck) and also has a supporting role by Max Minghella & Rashida Jones. There are several chances to real incidents for dramatic effect and even characters aren’t portrayed true to real life.

That being said this is a movie based for entertainment and not to be served as a documentary. Mark Zuckerberg reacts to being dumped in a bar by his girlfriend by writing an unflattering¬† blog post about her that is read by a lot of people. He also creates an on-campus website called¬†Facemash¬†which allows users to rate the attractiveness of female students using photographs pilfered from various university systems. ¬†Facemash’s popularity and the fact that Mark created it in one night while drunk brings him to the attention of¬†Cameron¬†and¬†Tyler Winklevoss¬†(both portrayed by¬†Armie Hammer) and their business partner¬†Divya Narendra¬†(Max Minghella). TheWinklevoss twins¬†invite Mark to their¬†final club, where Mark accepts a job as programmer for a proposed dating website they call¬†Harvard Connection which will be exclusive to Harvard alumni.

Mark goes to his friend Eduardo Saverin and tells him of his idea for what he calls “Thefacebook”, an online social networking website exclusive to Harvard University students, which will be consensual and avoid the ethical problems he had earlier with FaceMash. Eduardo agrees to help Mark, providing $1,000 to help start the site and helps spread the word. When the learn of it, Tyler and Divya want to sue Mark for¬†intellectual property theft, but Cameron convinces them to settle the matter as “Gentlemen of Harvard”. However Harvard President¬†Larry Summers is dismissive towards the twins and sees no potential value in either a disciplinary action or in Thefacebook website itself. During a lecture by Bill Gates, Eduardo & Mark meet Christy Leeand her friend Alice, who are fans of Facebook and they hook up. Later through Christy, Mark & Eduardo have a drinks & dinner meeting with Sean Parker (co-creator of Napster) and who shares Mark’s vision of Facebook. In a parting comment, Sean suggests they drop the “The” from Thefacebook, saying it looks cleaner without the ‘The’. At Sean’s suggestion, Mark moves the company to¬†Palo Alto¬†while Eduardo remains in New York seeking advertising support. Sean advises Mark to keep hold of his ownership of Facebook to ensure that Mark does not lose control of a potentially lucrative business venture. After Sean promises to expand Facebook to two continents, Mark invites Sean to live at the house he is using as the company headquarters.

When the Winklevoss twins see that Facebook¬† has spread to many other universities d footage of their lost rowing race final against the¬†Hollandia Roeiclub¬†is posted on it, Cameron relents and they decide to sue. Meanwhile Eduardo and Mark have some issues with the running of the company and the former also breaks up with Christy. While visiting the new headquarters for a meeting, Eduardo discovers the deal he signed with Sean’s investors has allowed them to¬†dilute his share of the company¬†from 34 percent to 0.03 percent, while maintaining the ownership percentage of all other parties. He confronts Mark and announces his intention to sue him. During a party celebrating Facebook’s one millionth member, Sean and a number of underage Facebook interns are arrested for possession of cocaine. Sean tries deceiving Mark into believing that he had nothing to do with the incident and that Eduardo stashed the cocaine, but Mark does not believe him and tells him to “go home”.

Throughout the movie, we see the two suits filed against Mark & Facebook also being played out – one filed by the Winklevoss twins, the other by Eduardo. The Winklevoss twins claim that Zuckerberg stole their idea, while Saverin claims his shares of Facebook were unfairly diluted when the company was incorporated. Cameron and Tyler Winklevoss received a settlement of $65 million, signed a non-disclosure agreement, and rowed in the¬†2008 Beijing Olympics, placing sixth; Eduardo Saverin received a settlement of an unknown amount and his name was restored to the Facebook masthead as a Co-founder of Facebook; the website has over 500 million members in 207 countries and is valued at 25 billion dollars; and Mark Zuckerberg is the world’s youngest billionaire. 8 outta 10, it’s a good movie!