Brenda O’Malley is home making dinner as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. “Brenda, may I come in?” he asks. “I’ve somethin’ to tell ya.” “Of course you can come in. You’re always welcome, Tim. But where’s my husband?”
“That’s what I’m here to be tellin’ ya, Brenda. There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery.”
“Oh, God no!” cries Brenda. “Please don’t tell me…”
“I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I’m sorry.”
Finally, she looked up at Tim. “How did it happen, Tim?”
“It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness and drowned.”
“Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?”
“Well, no. Fact is, he got out three times to take a pee.
Three Irishmen are adrift at sea. They are terribly thirsty. Suddenly a mermaid comes up and says “Ill shall grant you one wish.” Without thinking one of the Irishman says ” I want you to turn the sea to Guinness.”
The mermaid said. “Let it be done” And so the sea was turned to Guinness. Then one of the other Irishman said “Fuck, where we gonna piss?”
After the Great Britain Beer Festival, in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer. The guy from Corona sits down and says “Hey Senor, I would like the world’s best beer, a Corona.” The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.
The guy from Budweiser says “I’d like the best beer in the world, give me ‘The King Of Beers’, a Budweiser.” The bartender gives him one.
The guy from Coors says “I’d like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors.” He gets it.
The guy from Guinness sits down and says “Give me a Coke.” The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.
The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask “Why aren’t you drinking a Guinness?” and the Guinness president replies
“Well, if you guys aren’t drinking beer, neither will I.”