As the storm raged,the captain realized his ship was sinking fast.
So he shouted out, “Anyone here know how to pray?”
Just one guy stepped forward and said, “Aye, captain,I know how to pray.”
“Good,” said the captain, “You pray while the rest of us put on our life jackets – we’re one short.”
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An atheist commits suicide and is surprised to find himself in heaven.
“Wow,” he says to God, “you know I didn’t expect to be here. I’m an atheist and on top of that I thought you’re not supposed to go to heaven if you kill yourself.”
“No, it’s okay,” says God. “I’ve thought about suicide myself.”
“Really?” asks the man. “Why?”
“Well,” God says, “What if this is all there is?”
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God said, “Thou shall not kill.”
And then he wiped out the entire human race with a global flood just because people didn’t take it seriously.
Arsenal has confirmed the signing of teenage Brazilian forward Gabriel Martinelli from Ituano. The 18-year-old has joined on a long-term deal and is the Gunners’ first signing of the close season. Martinelli was named in the 2019 Team of the Year for the Campeonato Paulista and was rewarded with a chance to join Brazil’s senior team for a training camp in May. He will link up with his new teammates for pre-season training at Arsenal once the deal, reported to be worth £6million, has been ratified.