1. How is God just like a regular man?

If you’re not on your knees, he’s not interested.

2. Abstinence makes the Church grow fondlers.

3. What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common?

Their balls are just for decoration.

4. Why did God create man?

Because a vibrator can’t mow the lawn.

5. If God created man in His own image…

He’s a fucking pervert.

6. Why does everyone pray in the aftermath of a disaster?

Hasn’t God just proved He doesn’t give a fuck?

7. If God sneezes when you meet him, what the hell do you say?

8. My husband and I divorced for religious reasons.

He thought he was God. I didn’t.

9. Don’t forget: If you never sin, Jesus died for nothin’.

10. Bacon proves God has a sense of humor.

He invents the greatest meat in the world, then bans His chosen people from eating it.