My Biggest Regret & Saddest Thing I Miss

Are you deep down happy on your own? (Why or why not?) Also, list down any insecurities you may have.

No. I may not a choice in the matter and control the situation but no, I am not happy on my own. When I say my own, yes I live with my parents and I pay the bills and buy the groceries etc so we are together. But at times I feel living with them all these years has actually made me feel even more lonely than I would have been if I were on my own. Have you heard the saying that you can be lonely in a crowd? Well….

I have missed out on getting married and living with a woman who loves me. I am 45 years old now and never lived with a lover. I most probably will die never having had lived with a woman, never get married or known the long lasting relationship that I have craved for so long. The nights are lonely and will only get lonelier as the years go by. It’s not just sex but it’s companionship and partnership that I am missing. How can I ever be happy and content when that is missing from my life?

And therein lies my insecurity – I know I am kinda fucked in that aspect and that life has flown past me. 90% I know that I am to blame for it and I regret so much of things that happened. I do not know what will happen in the future but I do not have any hope.

Prompt from 28 Enchanting February Journal Prompts for 2022 from

3 Questions On Quora About Atheism & My Answers

Q. Atheists, if you were taking a walk and suddenly heard a voice from the clouds that said “the Kingdom of God is at hand. Repent and believe in the Gospel,” how would you react? Would you have a heart attack on the spot?
A. Heart attack? No. I will wonder “Oh no! Not another nutjob Christian fundy trying to push his/her religion onto us.”

Q. If all of us turn atheist, will we celebrate any festivals?
A. Yeah! Totally. And we will make up some new ones that have real meaning and it will be awesome. Dedicated to science, the arts, music, Star Trek etc. Festivus would ofcourse be the main one.

Q. What percentage of Indians are atheists?
A. It is very difficult to get a correct answer. There are many Hindus, Muslims & Christians in India who do not believe but bow to family pressure. I have a couple in my family. Among my first cousins I am the only open atheist but I know for a fact, from our discussions, that two others are atheists too but they have never spoken out. I do have second cousins who are atheists.

Similarly I know folks from the Muslim community who do not believe but they are scared of being ostracized by their family & community. Some Christians too. But it has been changing a lot in the last few years. While I only knew a handful of atheists in my home state 20 years ago, now it’s in the 100s personally.

Someday it will be much easier to come out as atheist in this country and then you will know a proper number.