July 7, 2022 | Awake & Dreaming

The Counselor

Chizzie and Rita go to a counselor after 15 years of marriage. The counselor asks them what the problem is and Rita goes into a tirade listing every problem they have ever had in the 15 years they’ve been married.

Finally, the counselor gets up, walks around the desk, embraces Rita and kisses her passionately. Rita shuts up and sits quietly in a daze. The counselor turns to Chizzie and says, “This is what Rita needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?”

Chizzie thinks for a moment and replies, “Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but Fridays, I gotta herd sheep.”

Conversation between a pharmacist and a female customer: Woman: “I need to buy some arsenic.” Pharmacist:” Why do you need arsenic?” Woman: “I need arsenic because I want to kill my husband.” Pharmacist: “WHAT?” Woman: “You heard me! I want to kill my husband!” Pharmacist: “Why on earth would you want to do that?” Woman: “Because he’s having an affair with YOUR wife!!!” Pharmacist: “Well why didn’t you tell me you had a prescription?”

When my wife had to rush to the hospital unexpectedly, she asked me to bring her a few items from home. One item on the list was “comfortable underwear.” Worried I’d make the wrong choice, I asked, “How will I know which ones to pick?”

“Hold them up and imagine them on me,” she said. “If you smile, put them back.”

You can’t sue somebody for any amount of money, you can’t get rich this way: you will be compensated for and only for your damage and not to have a carefree life winning in court.

Zero alcohol tolerance on roads: you can’t drive with any alcohol in your blood. Your drivers licence might get taken away for several months, even if you don’t have an accident but encounter an on-the-spot police control.

If you don’t use your land, don’t pay taxes for it and someone else starts to use it and pays the taxes for at least ten years, then that person can claim ownership over the land in court.

All governmental bodies are bound to publish their detailed spending, automatically, by very strictly detailed form which ensures anyone can understand or process it (although that never happens, lengthy court battles are everyday events because of this).

In Budapest sex is only allowed in the dark, even at home.

On March 31st 2020 the parliament passed a law making it impossible for transgender or intersex people to legally change their gender. This ended the legal recognition of transgender people, only the biological sex at birth is valid and ‘the biological sex determined by primary sexual characteristics and chromosomes’ replaced the term gender.