Man walks up to a priest. The man says “I am Jesus Christ.” The priest says “No you are not my son.” The man says ” Follow me.” The man walks into the bar and the bartender says “Jesus Christ you’re back!”
One day little Jonny and little Susan were in bible class and little Susan had been tired that day so she kept falling asleep and the teacher said to little Susan who is our lord and savior and little Jonny poked her in the but with a push pin and she yelled JESUS CHRIST and the teacher goes that’s right go back to be and then the next thing the teacher asked who gave up there son for our sins and little Jonny poked her again and she yelled GOD AL MIGHTY and she says that’s right go back to bed and the next question the teacher asked was what did ADAM SAY TO EVE after there 13th child little Jonny poked her in the but again she yelled IF YOU STICK THAT THING IN ME AGAIN I AM GOING TO BREAK IT IN HALF AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR OWN ASS AND SEE HOW YOU LIKE IT
So Jesus has been nailed to the cross. On the first day, he starts to moan, “Peter, Peter”. Well, Peter hears Jesus moaning and feels it is important, so begins to go up the hill. On his way, he is met by some Roman soldiers and they proceed to beat his ass back down the hill.
On the second day, Peter hears Jesus moaning again, “Peter, Peter”. Peter thinks to himself, this is important. He heads up the hill, fights past the first line, but gets a beatdown by the second group and back down the hill he goes.
On the third day, Peter is woken up by Jesus sounding very weak, but calling out, “Peter, Peter”. Peter feels that whatever it is that Jesus needs him for, must be very important. Peter heads up the hill, he is on a mission. He manages to fight his way thru three sets of Roman guards and make his way to the cross Jesus has been nailed to for three days. He looks up to Jesus, and says “Jesus, I have heard your calls, what is so important”?
Jesus- “Peter, I can see your house from here”.