The Absolutely Fake World Of Hindi Reality TV

I do not watch Hindi movies or tv series. I can’t stand Bollywood. I stopped watching the movies that they churn out every second of every day when I was in my mid teens. Since then, yes I have watched 3 Hindi movies in a theatre with friends, out of which I only liked 1. Hindi TV series have gone from bad to worse to worst to ‘holy shit what the fuck is that?’ mode. But even more despicable are the Reality tv shows that they make.

Now, reality tv as such has a huge stamp of ‘fakeness’ or  ‘scripted’ as some like to call it on them. Feed it a heavy dose of crap and you get Hindi Reality Tv shows! There’s a celebrity survivor kinda nonsense, where it’s clear to see that the celebrities are not campping out & surviving in a jungle but they are rather in a Bollywood set! The ‘fights’ especially the cat fights are so fucking fake even toddlers can do much better.

As it is Indian tv is now indundated with hoardes of singing competetion shows (thanks a fucking lot, American Idol) and dance competitions. But the ones in Hindi are scripted even more! A huge drama before the results/eliminations are announced. A bunch of small kids crying and saying that they are orphans who are being taken care off by their dance teacher (who is band leader, mother, big sister & future actress rolled into one) and that if they don’t win the prize money they don’t know how they will survive!

Immediately the teacher starts crying, the audience starts crying, the judges start crying & even the celebrity guests of the day start crying. I bet the camera crew & producers were crying as well! A sickly sobbing song starts to play and one of the judges runs to the kids and hugs them! I watched this while changing channels and was so stunned that I sat there with a dumbfounded look on my face. If I could teleport myself there on the set with a machine gun, I would have shot every fucking person there!

Today I saw a bit of the celebrity survivor kinda of show with the fake fights. It’s obviously a huge put on bit. Despite days in the ‘forest’, make up and hair is perfectly aligned. And just why the bloody hell can’t they speak properly. One sentence in Hindi will have one or two words in English. Aren’t there enough fucking words in the Hindi language? The presenters are the worst. Rejects from the movies and music channels.

But the worst was the roadies judges on MTv? Who the fuck does that bald asshole think he is? If he ever talked in such a manner to someone here, he would be lucky to get out alive with both his testicles intact!

Wish You A Happy Married Life

A former trainee of mine (this would have been a training batch in October 2007) invited me to chat this morning. We also voice chatted for a few minutes in Gtalk. She no longer works in the same office as I do, having resigned from her post as a CSA a few months ago. I’ve always had lovely rapport with her, even if after our initial 5 day training period, I’ve had very little official work concerning her.

She would always stop to chat with me for a few minutes if she saw me and she followed this pattern after she left by leaving me scraps / messages in Orkut or in an email. So I wasn’t surprised to see the Gmail invite. So after the plesantries were done, she said that she had news! She was getting engaged in late August & her marriage had been fixed for the 1st of November. I congratulated her but I wasn’t too happy on knowing the details

She’s just met the guy for a few minutes before the ‘deal’ was finalized by her folks and his. She wasn’t sure what his name was and it took a few minutes for her to confirm the dude’s name. And she told me that he was working in IBM’s Delhi office but had no clue as to what he exactly did. She hasn’t seen him since that initial day and she wasn’t sure if he was going to be able to attend their engagement as he may not get the leave! What the fuck ?!

I’m Indian so I shouldn’t get surprised when I hear about such bullshit marriages and ideals about marriages. I mean, she wasn’t even sure of his name for crying out loud. I couldn’t marry a girl I barely know. I know it was the norm here and please don’t get me wrong…..I mean to insult the very idea behind it and to hell with anyone’s fucking feelings!

I mean, how does a dad go ahead and do this – Boy, you may not know my daughter well enough to call her an acquaintance and she may not be sure of your name but don’t let that stop you from fucking her during some nights and a few afternoons as well. It’s a goddamn meat market – just take a look at the matrimonial ads that are right next to the classified. Stereo, computer, furniture, cow, goat and daughter for sale. Oh but in the same case, the dad will throw in the money as well!

Dylan’s Birthday Rings Out In Shillong

Yesterday was Bob Dylan’s 68th birthday. And although he was a long way from the city of Shillong, in the small Indian state of Meghalaya, the fanfare & celebration were strong. For the past 38 years, the city has celebrated the birthday of the philosopher-musician legend. Hundreds of his fans poured into a sports club and enjoyed the musical performances of Dylan’s songs covered by local artists, with school students & out of state performers joining in as well. Shillong’s own Lou Majaw, singer / guitarist of Meghalaya  band The Great Society, initiated the birthday celebration back in 1972.

Majaw, 63, has used Dylan’s songs as an inspiration and his idea was to spread the works of Dylan as much as he can. A North-East Indian music legend in his own right, Majaw’s initial 1972 Dylan birthday bash was in front of just 30-40 people. Now it’s almost an entire city with a healthy dose of outsiders as well.

The Terror Of The Taj Ends

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The question has been raised : Will India go to war against Pakistan over this?

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Die, Die Bastard Terrorists In the Name Of Islam

I’m sure that most of you would have heard about the two days of terrorist attacks that have happened in many areas of Mumbai city, India’s commercial & largest city. The attacks started yesterday and have continued on today with atleast 125 deaths reported, including 81 Indian civilians, 14 policemen and six foreigners, including one Japanese, one Australian, one Briton, one Canadian, one Italian, and one German. Another 327 people have been reported to be injured.

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The militant Islamic group claims to call themselves as the Deccan Mujahideen which is just a front for the Lashkar-e-Taiba, a Pakistani group which has been involved in almost all terrorist attacks in India. Other than luxury hotels like the Taj & Oberoi, the bastard terrorists have also attacked a hospital & a cafe in Mumbai.

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Girl Murders Abusive Parents

What makes a person go off? Here’s a story about Priyanka Singh who could no longer take the abuse and the insults and just snapped and murdered her parents.

She was born & raised in Meerut to a father who suspected his wife of having an extra-marital affair and believed that Priyanka wasn’t his child but the outcome of that affair. Growing up, her father vented his anger & frustrations onto his daughter. Even her brother taunted her about being illegimate and asked his friend to sleep with Priyanka. The father otherwise ignored the girl and named his son as the sole inheritor of the family estate.

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download murder by decree dvd 25 year old Priyanka became a beauty contestant and was named Miss Meerut in 2005. Winning the paegent must have seemed like freedom for her and she tried to find a new home, along with her friend Anju, away from the taunts. But even during apartment hunting, she was molested twice by people who were trying to find her a home. Her parents made her discontinue her studies in interior design just because they disapproved it.

On November 10, in a fit of rage apparently brought on by an argument, suffocated her 65 year old mother to death and stabbed her 70 year old father when he tried to intervene. Anju was also with her when this happened. The two girls have been taken to police custody and an investigation is in progress. Meanwhile, the National Commission for Women have sent a notice to the police for not heeding to Priyanka’s complaints regarding exploitation at home.

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Smoke Free Cochin

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I’m a former smoker but to tell you the truth, I smoked very infrequently. I smoked a few here & there with my friends when I was 17 & 18 and would have only finished off a pack in a month or two. I smoked because my friends smoked and because my cousins smoked. The most I have smoked is at 19 when I was in Bangalore and almost everyone in my hostel smoked. When I came back to Cochin, I smoked even lesser & lesser. Finally when I was 22 I stopped and have never smoked a cigarette since. The things irritate me now and I am glad that I got rid of those shitty things.

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The smell of smoke pisses me off now and I often rebuke my team members who come in to the office reaking of smoke. I abhor going into bars where most patrons smoke and fill the air with that disgusting smell. I hate public smoking and now I don’t have to bear it.

download elsewhere Ofcourse I am not naive. It’s not going away all together. But it’s a start and a good start. Today when I went into my fa bar, the no-smoking signs were on all four walls. I can breathe much better now. I don’t have to fear when I take a deep breath and my lungs fill in with that awful stinking smoke. Ahhh! My country has made a good decision.

Magic Is My Business & Business Is Good

There’s an article in today’s Indian Express about the godmen from Tamil Nadu, Andhra Pradesh, Karnakataka & Maharasthra who are all coming in to learn magic in the town of Nilambur in Kerala.

There are a few centers in Nilambur (Malappuram district) that are catering to teach these fake swamis in saffron how to trick their stoopid followers. The main tricks that are taught are how to produce divine ash from armpits, bringing forth a variety of articles like god’s images, idols and watches from the air (are you listening Sai Baba?). Once these swamis have mastered these magic tricks, they return home with glee, no doubt thinking of the poor idiots whose souls they will be playing with. The return investment for the fees in these coaching classes is returned multiple times; better convincing tricks means more devotees converted.

All these swamis are such fake bastards who exploit the dumbos who already believe in non-exsistent gods and are even more gullible to belive ‘living gods’. Sai Baba has been the prime example. While he dazzles millions of devotees by gifting a titan watch that appears from thin air (lame ass trick fuckface- why don’t u make watches that says Sai Baba in it or the devotee’s name) that homo rapist is busy molesting his male devotees and sodomizing them. So similar in apperance is his colleague swami Premananda – these two jerkoffs hair styles are from the 70s. I keep wondering did these assholes get rejected from the Boney M tryouts. The afros are huge man!

Barbershop Banter

I had gone on Sunday to cut my hair at this place I usually go to, ever since I moved to the city. It was recommended to me by my sister as her husband & two sons get their hair cut there. Plus its walking distance from my apartment (and from her’s as well) and although I had felt that their prices were a little high, they always do a good job.

On Sunday when I went, a guy who had never cut my hair in the last 2 years that I had gone to them was the one available. From his accent, I knew he wasn’t a local Keralite. He had just started cutting my hair when he went towards the tv that was playing in the waiting area. He pleaded to me to wait a couple of minutes and I said “sure”. Turns out that they were interviewing people in Orissa about the latest bout of Communal violence in that Indian state. My barber was from Orissa and they were filming the news clip in his town. He had come down to Cochin for work and had been here for 4 years.

The problems in the area are among the Hindus and the Christians and the claims that Christian missionaries are agressively converting the poor locals into Christianity, with the promise of money & food. Each group have made several attacks on the other’s places or worship or camp. The killings have been many and churches, temples & houses have been burnt & destroyed in several villages in Orissa.

The guy who cut my hair said that the news crew had just interviewed his old teacher and that his mom & sisters were still living in that same village. He is tensed that the violence will reach his family farm and that his mother will be in trouble. They still stay there because they have lots of goats & chickens and some crops in that farm and moving from there would be a big lose financially. He says that he prays everyday that he gets to see his mother again.

Harthal Knows No Tears

Yesterday’s general strike or ‘harthal’ was called by the various trade unions & the LDF. Normal life in states with Left ruled governments like Kerala, West Bengal & Thripura were almost brought to a halt because of this. But it was especially cruel on one mother.

Rodia, a resident of Kattachira near Etttumanoor, was travelling by train to Cochin along with her elder son Sonal & her sister Maya. They were made to wait at the Thiruvananthapuram railway station for 3 hours, while waiting to board the Jayanthi Janata Express. Rodia’s 4 year old son Ronal was under treatment in Cochin for leukaemia. His mother had gone to the Regional Cancer Center in Thiruvananthapuram for looking into further treatment for her son, while her husband stayed with their younger son. However before she could reach the RCC, Ronal passed away.

Rodia’s sister Maya receieved a text message on her phone from her brother-in-law informing her that Ronal had breathed his last. She immediately gathered her sister & older nephew to the railway station to rush back to Cochin, without telling her sister of the grave news. But they had to wait for 3 hours at the station due to the rail blockade by the various Left groups.

When Rodia finally heard about the news of her son’s death, she broke down and her wails were heard by media persons at the station. Opposition party leader Ommen Chandy also reached the spot and he informed the Chief Minister about the poor lady’s plight. Some cops were ordered to accompany Rodia, Sonal & Maya to Kottayam in the train, as Ronal’s body was taken to his family’s house in Kattachira. It was 2:30 pm when she reached Kottayam and from there Rodia had police escort her to her son’s body.

The funeral for Ronal will be held in a church near his house at 10 am today.

Vande Mataram

I don’t care if you are a muslim or a christian or a jew or a hindu or a sikh or a jain or a buddhist or a parsi. Those differences means nothing to me. Your religion means nothing to me. Which is why I typed them without a capital letter in the begining of each. She is not perfect, she is not the most beautiful, she is not the most intelligent, she is not the most sophisticated, she is not the most brave. She is my mother and yours. Sometimes you forget that.

Happy Independence Day to the over 1 billion Indians.

Torrential Rain In Cochin & India

It’s been raining quite a bit the last couple of days. And not just rain, I mean RAIN!

It rained a whole lot on Monday, almost continous for about 4 to 5 hours, a little let up and just when you think it was going to stop all together, it started up again. I got drenched from head to tow walking from hotel Park Central on Kallor-Kadavanthra road towards the Kallor bus stop.

Yesterday was no better. Raining almost throughout and drenching the citizens of Cochin. But we have not had it  as bad as some other cities in India. In Andhra Pradesh alone 42 people died in 48 hours because of sudden heavy rains. And some other areas of Maharashtra, including Mumbai, have had traffic being affected along some roads and a few deaths.

The Story Of The Bombs In India So Far

The last couple of days have been tense for Indians, especially those of us in the Southern part of India & the western state of Gujarat. First on Friday afternoon, I was at the office working, when I heard that there was an explosion in the city of Bangalore, Karnataka. Some turned on the tv that sits in our reception area, others tuned to their radios and some like me clicked online to find out if there was something about it. I was the first to find a webpage that reported on the incident, some guy named Sachin Uppal had seen the blast from a distance. He switched on his computer, logged into his blogger account download the island online and blogged about it immediately, snatching bits of news from his friends & neighbours. Turns out it was more than one – 6 blasts occurred in various parts of the city. The areas of Nayandahalli, Madivala, Adugodi, Mysore road, Mallya Hospital & Langford Road were the ones that were hit. A 6th & 7th explosion would follow.

My company has 3 big offices in Bangalore and I have a few friends who work in that city. We immediately tried to get in touch with them to see if they were alright. the phone lines were all blocked and the smses weren’t getting delivered. I was able to contact my friend Vinitha online – she was at home and on gtalk, having taken a leave from work. Another friend was in Cochin, having taken leave to come and visit her family.

Saturday, while Banglore began their slow process of recovering from the shock, the Gujarat serial Bomb blasts have rocked industrious Ahmedabad city of Gujarat in India. Till now 6 bomb blasts have been reported. The effected areas are Maninagar Chowk, Raipur, Bapunagar, Isanpur, Narol, Naroda, Juhapura. The 6 blasts later became 16, with 10 dead an over a 100 injured. An Islamic terrorist organization calling themselves the ‘Indian Mujahidden’ have claimed sole responsibility for the bomb blasts. All major cities were now told be be on alert as they could be next. And today in Surat (Gujarat) two cars with batteries & wires in the back seat were found abandoned.

This afternoon, an internet call was made to the number of a TV9 reporter, claiming to be from Pakistan and identifying him to be part of the Indian Mujahideen, said that Kerala was the next target and that it would happen at 7 in the evening. This information was soon replayed to all channels with the major cities of Cochin & Trivandrum on high alert. All cinema theatres have cancelled their evening shows and most stores & shopping malls have shut down. Police have surrounded most of the public areas and are combing through any areas that look like they could be harbouring detonating devices. Police dogs & bomb squads are everywhere. The police commissioner has asked for calm and for all citizens to be on the look out for anything suspicious.

As I type this, its a few minutes past 8 pm and so far nothing has happened in Cochin. That doesn’t mean to say that it won’t. This just brings to believe that Muslim fundamentalists are out to destroy the rest of the world and that religion and god will be the end of us. Hope to see a new day. Peace.

Note: I want everyone who reads this to please, please add your comment here, especially if you are an Indian.

Bomb The Country To Oblivion

Just a day after the multiple bomb blasts in Bangalore, the western city of Ahmedabad has been rocked by a series of explosions, killing atleast 29 and injuring over 100 people.
A little-known Islamist group calling itself the “Indian Mujahedeen” has reportedly claimed responsibility. More than 16 blasts hit residential areas, hospitals, crowded markets, a train station and a bus. Two of the 16 bombs targeted emergency hospitals trying to deal with the victims, many of them hit by flying nuts, bolts and ball bearings packed into the bombs. Officials say the bombs were detonated with timer devices and all exploded within the space of 36 minutes.

Many of the bigger cities across the country, including mine, have been put on a state of alert.

Happy Malayalam New Year

Happy Vishu

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to all of you, Keralites & non-Keralites alike. Its the new year Kerala style. Well its the start of the Harvest season and its a good excuse to bring out the banana leaves and fill your belly up with rice & a hundred curries. Apparently its also new years for the Punjabis, Kannadigas, Assameese & Tamilians. So happy new year to you guys as well.

The pic of the sadya above is similar to what I’m gonna have this afternoon. Payasam is one of my favourite things to have, but unlike most people, I like to have it cold or cooled rather than piping hot. Come on people we live in one of the hottest regions in the world, let’s cool off a bit.

I’m all for harvest season festivals. Ofcourse the ‘Vishu kanni‘ is something I have skipped since I was 14. Who the heck wants to see that faggot blowing his flute the first thing in the morning? Not me.

Train Baby

In Rajasthan, a 33 year old pregnant woman was travelling from her village by train to the city of Ahmedabad for a routine medical checkup. While on the train, she began to go into labour. She delivered the baby prematurely in the train toilet on Tuesday night at midnight. The baby fell onto the railway track (I don’t know if the train was moving or stationary at the time or how the baby fell onto the track) and turned blue but suffered no major injuries. The baby girl is in the hospital and has some breathing problems, so she is on oxygen supplement and antibiotics but is stable.

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Harthal & Bandh Nation

We are the Land of Harthals & Bandhs. We will pick up a banner & a flag at the drop of a …dhoti and we will march on the streets, pledging allegiance to our political party without a moment’s thought. We will raise a hue and cry whenever we think that someone has hurt one of our religions, when someone says something that we don’t like, when a fallen dictator in another country, which most of us have never seen or have no connection with, is killed for the numerous crimes committed against humanity and his own people in particular, we will sit in a group reading newspapers & drinking hot tea while we debate the ills of other states & nations while totally oblivious about our own affairs, we will do nothing about the poor state of our roads and then hang on the doors of vehicles which have just been in an accident. We have a hundred superstitions and dumb ideologies which we disguise and then call it ‘tradition & culture’ and then call other cultures ‘weird’, we also have more rituals than you can count and individuality is frowned upon and so is progress. We have are communists dressed up as capitalists and think that elephant dung in temples is the coolest thing in the world. And we also make life difficult for the normal guy who wants to go to work, school, college, go about his normal business, cause we are Malayalees!

Gotta love it!