How The Month Of February Makes Me Feel

Be 100% honest. How does February “the month of love” really make you feel?

It does make me feel lonely. While I love romantic stuff and movies, tv shows and love songs this month, because of Valentine’s Day, I am reminded that I am not with anyone and that I am missing being in a relationship with a woman and missing being in love and being loved. Companionship is something that I have found elusive and evading since my early 20s.

You see I used to be in a relationship, 2 to be exact. I have come close to being in a relationship since then but each time, it as twice, it fizzled out. Wrong choices for me I guess. Whatever it is since the last 13 years I have not come close at all, not that I have actually looked. I did feel like I was in love with a girl – a girl who I became close with but was also much younger than I am – and I started to feel all the usual things but later on I realized that it was a reaction of being lonely and nothing else. I don’t want to embarrass myself.

So yeah since then I usually feel a lot sadder during this month, much like I get sad during the end of the year which I consider to be a family oriented period. Do I wish I could have changed my situation? Ofcourse I would. But I think it’s too late and perhaps I am doomed to always remain alone.

Prompt from 28 Enchanting February Journal Prompts at Mercy K

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