Are you deep down happy on your own? (Why or why not?) Also, list down any insecurities you may have.
No. I may not a choice in the matter and control the situation but no, I am not happy on my own. When I say my own, yes I live with my parents and I pay the bills and buy the groceries etc so we are together. But at times I feel living with them all these years has actually made me feel even more lonely than I would have been if I were on my own. Have you heard the saying that you can be lonely in a crowd? Well….
I have missed out on getting married and living with a woman who loves me. I am 45 years old now and never lived with a lover. I most probably will die never having had lived with a woman, never get married or known the long lasting relationship that I have craved for so long. The nights are lonely and will only get lonelier as the years go by. It’s not just sex but it’s companionship and partnership that I am missing. How can I ever be happy and content when that is missing from my life?
And therein lies my insecurity – I know I am kinda fucked in that aspect and that life has flown past me. 90% I know that I am to blame for it and I regret so much of things that happened. I do not know what will happen in the future but I do not have any hope.